2010

Dear 2010,

I don't know whether to like you or hate you. But a lot of changes for me happened during this year. I ended a three-year career and moved on to another company. New faces are met. While I have to say goodbye to some. New friendships are also forged. Lies ended a love affair. New boundaries are being crossed. Lesser introspection, stopping, and thinking, and more focus on moving forward. Travels with friends came easy, too, this year. Old friends are still friends and bonds are stronger than before. More time with family. Another chance of being part of a family.

I guess that's just how it goes, 2010, no?

This is what I wanna share, ultimately. My status in Facebook and Twitter:

Forget starting over. Forget making new promises you know you'd break in the end. Forget all the hurt, forget all the sorrows, forget all the heartaches. Instead, continue to build a happy life for yourself, continue to make amends, continue to forgive, continue to love, continue to forge new friendships, and continue to tread new waters. In 2011, CONTINUE TO BE A BETTER YOU. Cheers my friends! =)

Sincerely,

Bryan

can't think of a title and another "random" as a title will make this blog even worse so i'll go for what i said -- can't think of a title

It’s weird seeing you again. I don’t know if it’s because seeing your face takes me back to that dark past or I’m just not the same anymore. Either way, I’ve already said my piece and I’ve already drawn the lines – lines that I will keep uncrossed for both our sakes. Because I’m done playing the game and I’m done playing the victim. You can screw up and I won’t be there for you to blame. Yes, I guess we can be friends for now. Know, though, that I don’t keep friends who lie and deceive and scheme.

In a matter of days, my two kakampi in HR will be transferred to another department. Now all the heads are from the competing company. Next year, you can call it the *** microcosm outside *** office. That sucks, ha. Don’t even get me started with their salaries.

Christmas is very, very near. I’m suddenly torn whether I want a new bed or a semi-badly needed new phone. Whatevs. I’ll know when I’m about to buy. Though… the room sure needs some upgrading. Haha.

I’m slowly bringing myself into a world that is new to me. I wonder how it goes. For now, I’m quite enjoying it and to some level, I’d say I feel much better when I’m lost in that world.

of purpose

thought of the day:

sometimes when you feel like your day has no purpose, make up one.

of getting back to my passion

it started with getting inspired to fold pieces of paper or what is called origami. which, by the way, i thoroughly enjoyed.

[out of topic: i seriously need to go to saizen and hoard as much stuff as i want to. i need company though to make it funner. =) ]

then, back to my dusty sketchpads and pencils.

and a while back, i spontaneously bought my first book after a long while. the rule of four by ian caldwell/dustin thomason.

i've been here before and i guess, i'm liking it. =)

* i shall post pictures soon.

... creatively

I think I've quite mastered the Art of Being Quiet.

-__-

it just goes in circles

this week i'm stressed. i'm not even handling a batch this week (and the next batch) but i'm quite stressed. it's as if i'm beginning to feel suffocated. things that i have been trying to forget the past few months are starting to resurface and i'm not ready to face them just yet.

they always do.

in those now brief yet often moments of solitude i find myself in, they always seem to be breaking out of those compartments i tried to hide them in. and i always seem to catch my breath when they do.

friday was supposed to be something i looked forward to. yet it ended far from what i have planned -- i suddenly felt sad. and alone. and helpless.

(i'm still looking for that writing mojo.)

i wanted to take a hiatus from this blog thing. less talk, less writing, less thinking, less feeling, less introspection, less emotions... i just read what's on the paper, crumple it, and hide it somewhere i won't remember. gibberish.

------

kelan ba dadating? medyo naiinip na ko.

------

makikita din kita. =)

random thoughts

i don't expect you to adjust so quickly. but i hope you are mature enough to know.

_________

i'm getting good at the un-feeling.

_________

i want an honest to goodness mature, stable, honest, forever kind of relationship. i'm done with the games people play.

_________

sometimes i wonder how it is to be the one leaving.

_________

i want to be brave enough.

_________

i want you to be brave enough.

boraemo (bora-emo)

down time

today, i'm supposed to be excited. today i'm supposed to be giddy about packing as i usually am when i'm about to go somewhere. but today, tonight, i drown myself in sadness.

i keep telling myself that people always leave -- that i should get used to it. after all, i've been left by people for quite a good number of times already. still, though, i think that if and when the time is right, they'll come back. it's the waiting that kills me. it's the not-knowing part that kills me.

i digress.

here's what i really want to say: I MISS YOU.

and the sad part is, i can't wait forever.

ganun pala

... ang feeling ng ikaw ang chine-check out.

=/

it struck again

my hyperacidity that is.

i was just planning to watch my series last night when my back began to ache. i knew it too well. that's how my second attack started -- back ache, hurt in all positions, cold sweats, shortness of breath.

then it started.

i decided to just sit and wait for it to subside. it started at around 11:30 until i was too tired and went to bed at 5 in the morning with my stomach still hurting.

i didn't want to rush myself in the ER this time. i don't have health coverage yet.

it sucks. and most of all it hurt.

a delayed greeting

i forgot that last june 28 is my blog's 6th year.

wow.

i never keeping something up this long for *this* long. to think i'm doing this for nothing.

happy 6th year manokchicken!

basiang and the brownout

what i hate most about brownouts is that my thoughts seem to have a life and a voice of their own -- and a loud one at that. =/

dami kong naiisip. pati yung mga dapat hindi dapat iniisip.

sa totoo lang, namimiss na kita. pero kasabay nun yung mga bagay na dapat nang kalimutan.

bahala na.

the thing is

... paulit ulit lang. in a short span of time, balik nanaman sa dating gawi. ayoko na ng ganun. nakakapagod. nakakapagod na rin ni mag-isip tungkol dun.

ako na lang lagi ang may problema. ako na lang parati ang dapat magbigay. ako na lang parati ang dapat umintindi. ako na lang ang laging may sayad. ako na lang lagi. there's a lot of "you should have's" or "you could have's."

this time, i think i know what i want. i'm not sure about the consequences. i think someone will get hurt. the thing is, if i continue with this, someday, someone will eventually get hurt. it's just prolonging the inevitable.

so. for the last time, i'll do what i do best (and you can consider this as the last), it's my fault. i take the blame. i take the responsibility. have a happy life.

random

so, last night, my pc finally broke. i almost killed myself. but it's done a great and noble job of keeping me sane and occupied for the last 8 years. yeah, that's purrty old for a pc.

+++

it's my boss's first day last monday =/ i dunno what to feel exactly. i just feel... restrained.

+++

globe tech support is really useless. i talked to two tech reps again and both of them were just too giddy to get me off the phone to save their fucking AHT's. it's so freakin easy for them to say we-can-no-longer-do-anything-about-it-so-we'll-send-a-technician-instead.

and when you ask them when the standard reply is we-don't-have-a-time-frame-just-wait-for-our-call.

and when i tell them that no one has ever contacted me they'd go i'd-be-on-top-of-this-sir-i'll-file-this-(really stoooopid)-report-and-follow-this-up-personally.

MY ASS!

the second one, i literally had to DIRECT him on how to help me. i was the one with suggestions (being the one who always HAVE TO call them for technical problems) and i managed to solve my own fuckin problem without their help. or their home service technicians. dumb fucks.

+++

i'm welcoming the change sa work. dapat nang magpayaman. kung yayaman man ako dito.

+++

gusto ko pa, pero pagod na ko. i don't think i CAN anymore.

the gift

They say big things come in small packages.
Small package: The gift.
Big thing: The thought, the effort, and the gesture behind the gift.


Along with this small token is the video of their messages of thanks (which I have to figure out how to convert so I can upload).
Thank you Batch 26. It's the small things that I love most about this job. Good luck and God bless you all.

ok na sana eh

kaso maalala ko ulit. kaya sorry na lang =P

kupal ka kasi. ewan ko ba kung anong kinakain mo sa umaga at nuknukan ka ng sinungaling. gago ka, ako pa inuto mo? kung magsisinungaling kasi, taena galingan mo naman. nakakainsulto ang ginagawa mong pang uuto. naman! unang una, hindi ako pinanganak kahapon. parating ka pa lang, umaalingasaw na balat mo sa kasinungalingan mo. taena mo.

pangalawa, bobo ka ba at di mo man lang naisip na nag first rule sa pagsisinungaling ay wag kang papahuli? huli ka! oh gago ano ka ngayon?

pangatlo, huwag kang plastik. kung gusto mong makipagplastikan, wag sakin, baka ihampas ko bungo mo sa pader. na may bubog.

simula ngayon, puta ka, lahat ng makikita kong kasinungalingan, ipapamukha ko sayo -- ipapakain ko pa sayo hanggang sa magsawa ka sa mga kataihan mong tarantado ka.

kung mapikon ka, tara, sapakan tayo.

gago.

done

done done done done.

done done done done done done done.

done.

done. done.

and done.

sorry, but i'm done. =)

... Half smile on the outside

Then its gone.

- ivy

sometimes

you just have to ask yourself if what you did is right and if what you did is the right choice.

rgt

The Road Not Taken

By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

sorry i could not travel both and be one traveler

techie dream

this week, apart from working my ass off, i've been in techie mode.i found out about these, and i want them now.

sony ericsson vivaz

sony ericsson vivaz pro

sony ericsson x10 mini and x10 mini pro (with qwerty)

toshiba satellite pro u500

nikkor 50mm f/1.4

i gotta save up.

...

sorry but it still bothers me.

i really still can't believe the audacity you've shown towards me. you put me right on the spot -- damned if i do, damned if i don't. and this is not the first time.

next time, be gentle with words. see, words have this supernatural tendency to either melt or break one's heart. what happened was the latter. this is me being honest.

i was actually trying to just brush it off -- forget about it but i can't at this time yet.

i have to strike out the part of me being sorry because this time, i will allow myself to feel what you just made me feel.

i guess i am too kind.

'di ko maintindihan

... kung panong ikaw ang nanghingi ng pabor, pero parang ako ang nahihiya.

... kung bakit ang pakiramdam ko, kaya ka lang nagiging mabait eh dahil may kailangan ka.

... kung bakit madaling gumawa ng bagay para sa iba, pero pagdating sakin, laging mahirap.

... kung paano ako naging selfish.

... kung bakit kaya ko pa ring maging mapagbigay.

ewan ko na lang.

* sorry ha, pero parang ang kapal lang yata.

pocketful of sunshine

so last friday, after lunch, i decided to do an activity to prepare them for the long afternoon ahead. usually, it's just a small game wherein the losing group will have to do the consequence as given by the winning group.

i decided to digress from that usual ice breaker because i, too, am beginning to get tired of it. what i did was to write all their names on each paper and posted it in front of the class. i instructed them to go in front of the paper as it was laid out in front and write something positive about the person. it took us quite a while to finish and after which, i read it aloud in class and have each of them tell me if they liked what they heard or if anything isn't true about what was written. it was a good 30 minutes spent. after the activity, i proceeded with the afternoon discussion.

in the middle of my discussion, i noticed a piece of paper being passed around. i don't normally mind those things during my class because i'm sure as hell they were already on information overload and passing notes could help them regain their focus and, well, refrain from drifting into the oblivion.

in the middle of the afternoon, i gave them a 15-minute break so they can rest and do whatever they need and want to do. as for me, i went down to have a smoke.

when i came back, i saw a piece of paper in front of me with my name on it and a note to "please read it aloud :)"

i froze for a split second. could this be? is this the moment i realize i'm not made of stone? that i have feelings? that i am touched? hahaha.

so i gave them a smile and said thank you for the gesture. apparently, they also made one for me like i have them do earlier that day.

see, those are the small things that make me love my job even more. :)

and oh, here's what they wrote :)

• loves necktie
• male version of miss joy
• gwapo oiiis!
• kenkoy
• gracious
• mortal enemy of RC (one of the attendees i always poke fun of, in a good way, of course)
• cute
• approachable
• alaskador
• workaholic
• talented
• sweet (??)
• i like his haircut
• -- hehe what hair?!
• funny
• marunong mag plantsa
• break na pag nag-weewee
• "sige, pabili tayo ng coffee"
• "sige, pabili tayo ng sugar"
• "sige, paakyat natin yung notes"
• "sige, paakyat natin kay clavio"

now, now, now. i know there are things there that made me go "wwwuuut?!" haha but the gesture really touched me.

ciao!

last night

yesterday registered the highest temperature in metro manila -- 37.5 C.

and i wondered why i was sweating like mother and chugged down one and a half pitchers of water...

i wish we had a swimming pool.

random still

+ my boss is resigning. he confirmed it with me yesterday without fanfare. i wished him well and i told him, "TAE KA." hehe. until they find a replacement, it's just myself in the training and marketing department. =(

+ this week is my first full-on batch training. i'll be handling everything, from start to finish. it's three-week course and whole day training, too.

+ i am welcoming the change. i hope i can do this for a long time. i like what i do.

+ you and you're half truths. no matter what you say, a half truth is a half lie. period. i'm just taking a step back. i'll let you do your thing and leave everything to chance. that's what this is anyway -- chance.

+ my credit card debt is still there. masaya nanaman sila.

+ i'm looking forward to tomorrow, this weekend, and the rest of my life.

+ was able to talk to you today, i still can't figure you out. what the hell are you? :)

ciao!

surprise

i guess i shouldn't have heard what i heard.

:(

random thoughts

"this monday, i'll go back to being green. "

so my facebook status says. why gibo? because he doesn't sugar coat issues. he answers them straight to the point in the most concise and sensible way... because he gives the best answers in all the presidential debates i've seen... because he's not selling fantasies -- he gave no super fantastical and hyper unrealistic promises... his plans are clear... because there's no mudslinging and backbiting...

the way he ran his campaign is just spectacular and admirable. even in the midst of the controversies surrounding his campaign about the support of GMA, or the lack thereof, he remained steadfast and strong.

one of the very few presidentiables na hindi ko ikahihiyang iharap sa mundo at sabihing, "presidente namin yan!"

ganun ka-simple.

-----

tulungan mo ako. lumalayo ang loob ko sayo. ayoko mang mangyari, pero papunta na dun. iparamdam mo sakin na gusto mo ako at kailangan mo ako bilang ako at hindi yung ako na hinubog lang ng isip mo.

ako ito.

sana sapat na yun.

masakit mang isipin, pero nararamdaman ko lang na nandiyan ka sa panahong kailangan mo lang ako.

ciao.

fire in the city

lonely city

fire at work

.

last week

i just finished my first two training days last thursday and friday. that just strengthened my belief that teaching/training is my passion. it makes me sweat, it makes me tired, it exhausts me, yet at the same time it fulfills me, it rewards me, and it makes me proud and happy.

i've been training what i'm training now since my prudentialife days. it's just that we don't do an in-depth training of the industry. this time, i have to learn and relearn everything i've known the past years. i need to study and review all the materials in a few days for me to train them effectively in just a matter of days. i actually miss the training i got from my last company where trainers are given months to prepare for just one product. this time, i need to cover 8-9 products in two weeks.

fortunately for me, i was able to do it last thursday and friday.

last wednesday, i was on super panic mode because there was a miscommunication between me and my boss. it was clear to me that i was going to train all the products but it wasn't made clear to me that aside from that, i was to train another module PLUS the sales process module on friday.

i was so anxious last wednesday and i called tin to talk me through what i'm about to do. i thought it was suicide already. good thing tin was able to calm me down and lay down all the facts about what i'm going to do. thanks tin.

sometimes when the world seems to run in chaos and you feel like you're in the middle of it, all you need is to have someone to make you see things in perspective AND make you feel that you can definitely do it. for that, thanks tin and macky. macky was there, too, to listen to my rants :)

thursday and friday was the best for me. after being exhausted because of the whole day training my boss and i had a short sit down meeting about my performance. he said, and i paraphrase: wow. congratulations! i'm very much impressed. i didn't expect you to train the way you trained given the short time you have to study the materials. it's impressive. keep it up and may pupuntahan ka.

:) as if all the tension went away (my right hip and right thigh still hurt from all the standing and walking haha)

------

friday, i went out with my colleagues for a birthday celebration -- still hoping that i finally gain some lunchmates hahaha.

last night, saturday, i went out with my dear barkada. i love you guys so much!

anyway, that's my week.

(anti-climactic, LOL)

ciao!

random ulit

maybe it's alright to feel this way. i should allow myself to be in this situation para hindi masyadong stressed.

seseryosohin na kita. i see a good future.

ang tagal ng sweldo. pero most of it, pambayad utang. pero ok pa din.

sa ngayon, 100% ng inis ko, dahil sayo.

"ano, tara! game na!"

nakakatuwang magka-kras.

i have yet to figure you out. if, in any way, i find a hole... ATAAAACCKK!!! lol!!

sleepy.

random

i was absent today

i feel like i made the wrong choice

i have to give it time

i feel like i'm in a limbo

nahihirapan na ko sayo

mahirap iwan at kalimutan ang mga bagay bagay

i still choose to be optimistic about things

i have to give it time

i can't entertain those thoughts

of training

naisip ko lang, pag trainer ka, di ka pwedeng pikon. di ka rin pwedeng tatanga tanga. at mas lalong di ka pwedeng sumungit. dahil hindi lang isa ang makakalaban mo, taena buong class.

pag maingay ang class, di ka pwedeng mag-maldita. wag kang babanat agad ng "i deserve some respect." tae. malamang lahat naman ng tao deserves our respect, kahit sino pa yan. bilang trainer, trabaho mong makibagay sa ugali nila. sakyan mo ang sense of humor nila. talk in their interest. never antagonize a trainee. kung titira ka, i-address mo sa pangkalahatan tapos wag mo masyadong gawin seryoso. maiintindihan na yun ng mga trainees mo.

eh kung bigla kang magagalit, wala na. sira na ang diskarte mo. pati na rin ang interes sayo ng trainees mo. pano pa sila makikinig sayo?

oo nga't proseso ang dini-discuss mo. mahaba yan, paulit-ulit, mapalabok, minsan kumplikado, pero hindi ibig sabihin nun, papatayin mo sa boredom ang trainees mo. yung tipong isang pilik-mata na lang ang bumubuka sa mata nila. tae.

lalong lalo na, wag kang magagalit pag nagkakaroon ng diskusyon. ibig sabihin, nagtatanong sila sa isa't isa. therefore, interesado silang malaman kung ano man ang sinasabi mo. sakyan mo yun. gamitin mo ang ingay nila sa lalo pang pagpapaintindi sa kanila ng punto ng sinasabi mo.

when you work with marketing/sales people, don't expect a boring bunch of people who only speak when spoken, too. tangena hindi yan mga accountants o clerks, no offense meant. mga maiingay na tao yan, madaming iniisip, minsan nagsasalita na bago magisip. trabaho mo bilang tainer ang intindihin ang mga iyon.

oo, hindi ka trainer. pero pucha, sana naman marunong ka namang makibagay at umintindi. kahit dun na lang. para yun lang, may drama nang, "i deserve some respect." ay na-leche na.

wala lang. thinking out loud lang.

ciao!

have i told you?

... that at an age of 26, and in almost five years of working, i was retired twice?

... that i still want another beach escapade after being in bohol and zambales in three weeks' time?

... that i try my hardest to be the bryan you want me to be? and that although it may not seem like it, it still hurts when i remember the things i'm supposed to forget?

... that i'm dreading working next week?

... that i miss my TDD family?

... that i desperately need/want a massage but i can't afford it now?

... that my finances are in the worst situation in years?

... that i'm thinking of backpacking for a few weeks with no cellphone?

... that you might have not noticed, but i try to blog less and less? less words, less moping, less feeling.

... that i have a backlog of three photo albums for me to upload on fb and multiply?

... that i beginning to think that this is not working out and it's not meant for me?

... that i should be sleeping but i find sleeping wasting precious vacation time so i go around looking for stuff to do online and in real life?

... that i'm on my last straw?

well i told you now.

ciao.

dormant. bohol. and some random $#!+

i have been dormant, i know.

there's too many things that happened in the last two to three weeks and i won't even try to be specific about it. chief of which is our barkada's adventure to bohol! yay!! first time!

also, there have been a lot of blessings that came my way mid-march. thank you to all those who prayed for me. thanks anton! siya kasi ang isa sa lagi kong napagre-request-an na ipag-pray ako. and the only thing that i ask of him in his prayers is that He gives me whatever is best for me, that's all.

as much as the answered prayers inspire me, of course, there has also been a lot of emotional stress for me. BUT i won't write it down anymore. i feel it's best to leave it in the past. it's quite hard to relive those experiences and write about them. aside from the fact that once i write it all down here, it becomes more real =s

anyway... sorry for that downer. haha. if your my friend on facebook, i'm sure nasuya na kayo sa mga pictures and videos :) but for the sake of my blog, here they are :)

the things we did:

rio verde lunch, butterfly sanctuary, chocolate hills, baclayon church, balicasag island, dolphin watching, balicasag snorkeling and fish feeding, bohol beach club dinner, E.A.T. danao (suislide, plunge), beach volleyball, panglao beach swimming. (i think i missed some hehe)

lol! look who i found in bohol!

THIS IS SOOOOOOOOO COOOOL!!!

you gotta try this when you go there, i swear!

this is THE PLUNGE: a canyon swing adventure attraction mounted over a 200 meter high and 300 meter wide gorge. A person would have to do a 45 meters free fall before being launched on a pendulum swing measuring to a hundred meter diameter. Cable has a maximum working load of 5 tons.

“The Plunge” is the best “fear factor” experience among other adventure activities on offer. One has to literally plunge to an open air where about two seconds, the plunger will all be defenseless, feel nothing and left all alone.

This experience is one great way to de-stress and even make one appreciate life the more.

It can accommodate 50 pax in a day. Total experience will just take around 10min.

For P700, it is sure worth the experience!

ciao!

walker

When I no longer have your heart

I will not request your body

your presence

or even your polite conversation.

I will go away to a far country

separated from you by the sea

-- on which I cannot walk --

and refrain even from sending

letters

describing my pain.

-- Alice Walker

.

right now Lord, in the middle of my battles, I ask for wisdom and understanding. hindi ko man po maintindihan ng ganap ang lahat ng ito, iparamdam Niyo po sa akin ang pagmamahal na lubos Ninyo. again God, all my plans, I lay them at your feet. Ad majorem Dei gloriam.

.

Panginoon,

Dasal ko po ang patuloy Ninyong pag-gabay sa aking buhay na madilim sa kasalukuyan. Nawa'y Kayo ang magsilbing liwanag sa lahat ng aking tatahaking landas. Turuan Mo po ang sugatan kong puso na muling magtiwala sa pagibig; pagibig na nagpaparaya, mapagbigay, at walang pagiimbot. Hilumin ang mga sugat ng panglilinlang at kasinungalingan. Bigyan po Ninyo ako ng lakas ng loob na magtiwala at magmahal muli. Alam po Ninyo ang dasal ng puso kong nangungulila -- pawiin ng Inyong kamay ang pusong pagal.

Isinusuko ko na po sa Inyong mga paa ang anumang sakit na nararanasan ko ngayon. Buo ang aking tiwala sa Inyong karunungan at ano mang plano sa buhay ko.

Bigyan din ako ng lakas upang magpatawad ng walang pagaalinlangan.

Sa kabila ng lahat, buong kaluluwa ko pong tinatanggap ang lahat ng pasakit na pinagdadaanan ko ngayon. Anu man ang kahinatnan ng lahat ng ito ay para po sa Inyong kapurihan at kadakilaan.

Isinusuko ko na po ang buo kong pagkatao sa Iyong kalooban.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

dahil sa nagsinungaling ka...

... nararamdaman kong wala ka sa lugar na sinasabi mo.

... nagiisip ako kung sino talaga ang kasama mo kahit sinabi mo na kung sino.

... nagdududa ako pag sinabi mong gumagawa ka ng mga importanteng bagay.

... nahihirapan akong maniwala sa lahat ng sinasabi mo.

... ayoko nang marinig pa ang mga palusot mo.

... hirap akong ibalik ang buo kong tiwala, lalo't alam ko na sa isang iglap, kaya mong baliktarin ang mga sinabi mo.

so help me god.

di ko alam

baka kailangan ko nang bumitaw? baka kailangan ko nang baguhin ang sarili ko? baka minsan kailangan ko ng konting respeto?

hindi ko alam.

pero alam ko ang dapat kong gawin.

ER part II

uʍop ǝpısdn

˙ʇıq ɐ dn sƃuıɥʇ ǝʞɐɥs -- uʍop ǝpısdn sƃuıɥʇ uɹnʇ oʇ ǝɯıʇ s,ʇı ǝqʎɐɯ

edit: 2-10-10 - and it really went upside down. i rushed myself to the ER for the second time. i blame stress.

diversion

dahil naiinis ako tonight, i'll just think about this.

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randomness

i am living in the moment.

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i have successfully backed-up my files, reformatted my hard drive, and installed a fresh copy of the OS in my computer. my pc feels so clean and new, finally. i hope i can keep this up longer this time.

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i want to be invisible again.

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january came and went so fast. too fast i think that i feel like its helpless roadkill. my gulay. define stressful for a jumpstart.

ciao.

this week

i am so spent.

;-(

next time

di na ko uulit. sayang na sa effort. this time, pag inulit mo yun, tapos na ang usapan.

iba ako pag nagseryoso.

.

feeling nostalgic

nostalgic.

this has nothing to do with me.

ciao!

i really don't understand

why you can't give me 100% of the truth.

i don't understand your pretensions.

i don't understand the hiding.

i just don't get you sometimes.

.

tang*na

kaya pala.

at natanga nanaman ako dahil nagpauto naman ako.

bad day

i conducted trainings in galleria today. after buying lunch, the mango shake slipped from my hands and, after attempting to regain my grip, spilled on my tie, polo, pants, and shoes.

and it happened in the middle of the mall. fuck. i ran as fast as i can back to the CR in our office.

i didn't notice that i was also clutching my phone that time. it was also drenched in mango shake.

this evening, before dinner, my aunt told me something about *something* that irritated me so much. buwisit. tangina. puñeta.

ito lang, kung may problema kasi kayo sakin, SABIHIN NIYO SA HARAP KO. direcho akong tao. walang kiyeme. kaya sana kayo rin.

tae.

and suddenly

.

it rains. 

perfect.

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random thoughts

i'm back to writing in my journal again. it's nice to feel the grip of the pen in my hands and the texture of the paper while i'm writing everything down. it took me a few days to get back to my handwriting. for quite some time now, i only wrote things for small notes, reminders, and grocery lists. because of that, my hands ached after only the first paragraph. 

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i started reading the manual for bokbok. my gulay, there's still a lot to learn about it. i have yet to take a day off (as if i'm busy) to read and try everything there. 

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i drew again :) might be posting some of those shit again soon. i'm still thinking about it. my next project is to do my portrait in charcoal. 

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it's been cold for days now. i like it! thing is, for some reason, ang daming lamok. eh when i'm inside the house, i only wear boxers. ang dami ko tuloy pantal.

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for quite some time now, my right ear have been really itchy. it's super clean but it still itches. i'm suspecting that that's the reason. i always clean my ears kasi after the bath and i do the whole shenanigan -- cotton buds plus kutchara hehe. i should see an EENT specialist soon.

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i've been trying to go to hidalgo for almost a month now but i can't. either wala akong kasama or yung supposedly kasama ko, ayaw or hindi pwede that day. it's okay naman kasi at least, less gastos.  if ever, i'll be buying a filter lang naman and maybe (praying!!!) that i get to find an excellent yet very cheap speedlight. 

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ayoko na magtrabaho. pwede bang humilata na lang at sundin lang ang tawag ng katamaran? pero may pera pa rin ha? haha.

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i'm so excited about march. SOOOO excited... and i just can't hide it. lol.

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i miss you. i'm praying *this* works out well.

ciao!

maybe sometimes

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i need to be selfish.

.

"... can't stop smiling."

yan ang status ko sa facebook kanina.

i was also supposed to be in bed already but something happened between that post and bedtime that made me sit up again and rant.

and rant is what i'll be doing.

una, nakaka-irita. pramis. yung mga ganung dahilan, nakakairita. baluktot kasi. nagmamadali ka parati, eh tangina lang, ikaw naman may hawak ng oras mo.

pangalawa, PWEDE BA? pwede LANG ba?? yung mga pa-hint-hint mo, hindi gumagana. and again, nakaka-irita! dahil kung hinde sisigaw ako

pangatlo, pucha tubuan ka naman ng konting ka-ewan-an. kasi kung magtatanong ka kung kelan ako pwede, panindigan mo naman ang pagtatanong. dahil tatae-tae lang ang mga ganitong bagay kung ganun.

follow through.

learn it. yun lang yun. tsk.

GRRRRR!!! john grisham nasan ka ba, patulugin mo na ko.

letch.

ok, tapos na ang palabas.

i still can't stop smiling. thank you lord! :)

message sending failed

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dear 2010

and i can't believe that work starts on tuesdaytomorrow :(

2009: the round-up

ang bilis ng 2009 no? parang kumurap ka lang sandali, tapos na siya. ang daming napagdaanan, nakakaiyak, nakakainis, nakakatuwa, nakakatawa. siguro, hindi man defining year ang 2009 for most of us, somehow, it still helped us define who we are :)pero, apart from the heartbreaks and the disappointments, the blessings and the material things, this is, by far, my most traveled year. i hope 2010 can at least level it, if not surpass it :)
(given na ang financial freedom, no need to mention hahaha)

this is my 2009

travels

vigan, laoag, pagudpud, potipot, iba, dumaguete, tacloban, ormoc, cebu, bacolod, iloilo

ang dami ko talagang narating nung 2009. mula sa tuktok ng pilipinas at hanggangmuntik na sa zamboanga, sayang. for work or pleasure, kahit na ano pa yan, i want to go to more places this 2010 :)

work

annual lakbay, visayas provincial training, retirement, night-outs

lakbay this year was held in ilocos and i went there twice. first to do an ocular and the second for the event itself. this was also the year that i was retired from work (and re-hired again). dahil dito rin kaya ako naging credit card - debt free :) this is also the first time that shey was able to go out with us after 3 long years of working with her.

bokbok adventures

michelle's new son, bokbok, ninoy aquino funeral.

monumental. yan ang right term sa pagdating ni bokbok sa buhay ko :) salamat sa santa claus ng buhay ko haha. daming mga memories na na-immortalize (naks!) dahil sa kanya. salamat bokbok. malapit ka na magkaroon ng mga kapatid :)

thank you din sa mga nagmamahal sakin, mahal na mahal ko rin kayo. kilala niyo na kung sino kayo.

cheers to the year that was and cheers to 2010. i wish you good health, a happy spirit, and a blessed year.

ciao!