bryan 101

bryan 101

ummm, let's see. let's do this impromptu. whatever i feel like saying, i'll put it here. this should be interesting.

1. i felt the worst about myself when i did bad on my revalida. i thought i knew everything i should know but it turned out that i really don't.

2. i feel good that i was able to redeem myself on my second revalida.

3. lately, i've been REALLY wanting a love life but it just would not come. there are prospects but not sure. well, maybe leaning more on the NOT REALLY.

4. i LOVE my office mates. really. they're just the coolest.

5. i LOVE what i'm doing right now with work, but honestly, i just don't see myself being there for a really long time.

6. i hate that i don't know what i want in life.

7. i hate that i think i have a plan when i really know that i don't.

8. in meeting with friends, i'm usually late. in first time meetings and business meetings, i'm freaking too early.

9. walking along edsa going to work just disgusts me. and tires me. so much that i always think of resigning before going to work.

10. my mornings are usually crappy because of the long walk beside smoke-belching buses.

11. doing nothing at home is my hobby.

12. i hate doing nothing at home.

13. i'm a very complicated person. never ask me why.

14. the story of my love life is this. i like the person. i befriend the person. we end up being best friends. period.

15. i like the concept of being anonymous.

16. i am vain.

17. i am very concerned about my receding hairline and my balding crown.

18. i secretly wish i could have it surgerized. if there's such a word.

19. i love that i love to read.

20. i always wanna look good. even though i know i look like shit most of the time.

21. i'm not sure if people find me cute, or good looking, and sometimes it brings out my insecurities.

22. i like being in the center of attention for just a brief moment.

23. i don't like being in the center of attention for a long time.

24. nobody understands the fact that i'm almost 24 and my mother would still help me out financially.

25. i see that as a weakness.

26. i don't like being weak.

27. i give off an aura of indepence and strength but sometimes when i'm not in that stage, people find me fake. so it goes around.

28. i don't like confrontations. arguments, when i'm really affected, makes me cry. that's so gay, i know. i'd rather be writing what i feel whether through a letter or, in venting my frustrations, through my blog.

29. i like to correct people about almost anything, sometimes candidly, sometimes privately. it depends. and some people don't just get it. some find it funny.

30. when i do house chores, i NEED to do it slowly. i have to do everything all at once but more often than not, by the time i got everything fixed in my head, i'm too lazy to do it.

31. i smoke a lot these days. before, i used to say that i can quit it when i want to but i just don't want to. but now, i'm scared that i can no longer quit.

32. i secretly envy people i know only because of financial stability. but, don't we all?

33. i hate reading texts, blogs, e-mails, and shiznits that are infested with bad grammar and wrong spelling.

34. sometimes, i'm also a victim of wrong grammar and spelling and in my mind, i beat myself up for it.

35. i really wish i could write profound sentences that make all the sense in the world.

36. i want all the latest gadgets and gizmos. but just thinking of spending hundreds, thousands of pesos for one already makes me not want it.

37. i wish i could save, but with the salary i'm getting, it's just enough to pay for the bills.

38. i hate that being a graduate of dlsu-manila with a fairly good grade got me nowhere. nowhere with a salary that can pay for my bills AND capriciousness.

39. i don't like labels, stereotypes, and prejudices. the concept of typecasting people into those types just disgusts me. although i know it just makes things easier if we all do that.

40. i am loud at times. irritating at times. over the top at times, but i know where to draw the line.

41. i am so freaking proud. of what i am proud of, i don't have a clue.

42. i really find it weird and confusing when people find me cute, good looking, etc. although i secretly want it, i still shrug it off.

43. i love my mother sooo much that i wish she would just stop working and be happy. but i know in my heart that if she does, i will be terribly affected. and i hate that it's true.

44. eating is one of the many pleasures in life. i take extreme pleasure in it and extreme slowness in doing it as well.

45. before i thought i was romantic. but when the time came to be romantic, i was too chicken to do it. lol.

46. the only, ONLY, relationship i had was this: courtship for almost 3 months and being together for, err, i'm really not sure but the shortest i'm thinking is 2 weeks and the longest i'm guessing is a month. you can stop laughing.

47. i know that chatting over ym is better if you've just met.

48. i like the peace and solace of the night or when i'm at home alone.

49. most of the time, i'd rather be watching movies than stay out all night partying. but if i'm with many of my closest friends, sometimes, it's good to drink all night and be wasted.

50. which leads me to this, i've never been really wasted since high school.

51. i've tried marijuana and valiums.

52. and i told my mother about it.

53. and she just told me this: "it's up to you. everyone undergoes that stage. you're old enough to know what's right"

54. after that, i never touched marijuana again. i know, it's this reverse psychology thing that only mothers can use on their children. i use valiums for its intended purpose only and that is to sleep.

55. writing numbered facts about myself is the easiest way for me to blog and make it semi-interesting.

56. i like it when people tell me that they like me in a not best-friend-y way. but i don't like it when they like me already. unless, i like them, too. define awkwardness.

57. in my previous work, there were four people who said those three words to me seriously. that was the ickiest feeling i could ever get. godamnit, i can't even tell that to my own mother.

58. as of this writing, there are drunk men on the streets singing bamboo's 'hallelujah.' right before that, they were singing happy birthday. those freakin (*@%^&*(! (i just had the urge to mention that)

59. i want this to reach a hundred but i'm just too lazy to add more. maybe till the next ish.

ciao!

this wind

this wind

there's this myth that when everything's still and no wind is blowing, you just whistle and the wind will blow your way.

the night is still. after the day's intermittent rains and drizzles, everything is now quiet and wet. all i can hear is the steady whir of the electric fan and the distant chatters of men on the streets. i can still smell the moist earth. from where i'm at, all i can see is the non-movement of the clothes i hung the other day.

right at this moment, what i really pray for is the cool and steady blow of the wind. i don't need the artificial wind from the electric fan - it's humid and hot, suffocating and artificial.

remembering the myth i was told, i playfully whistle notes. first, in staccato. however, after losing my breath, i started whistling languidly into long, single notes. pausing only to breathe but even then, as i inhale, i make the same sound.
as i'm imagining this steady wind blowing in my direction, i feel light as feather. my hands slowly lift from it's repetitive motion and my feet rise from the ground unhurriedly. and then as gentle as this wind lifts me, i see my spirit light up as it moves, waking from its long slumber.
i feel light headed now.
with everything being imagined still, i see that the clothes i hung the other day still have not moved. the palm tree outside still seems lifeless.

i close my eyes.

then, i see that a branch from the palm tree has finally swayed east. and as swiftly as the first branch showed movement, other branches have now started to move. gently, at first. and slowly it builds. turning each branch east, then west. after a few seconds, i see that the branches are now swaying wildly in disparate directions. the hangers from which i hung my clothes are now rattling in their metal poles. clothes, now, have been dancing in the wind as if people participating in a wild dance were wearing them.

the first drizzle.

then, it is raining.

after a while, almost instantaneously, everything stops.

the leaves again are lifeless and the clothes, unmoved. my body is now aching from the imagined fall.

i open my eyes. the night is still yet again. everything around continues to be undisturbed. all i can hear is the steady whir of the electric fan and the distant chatters of men on the streets.

where is this rain?

more importantly, where is the wind?

bryan.

stop.

it.

now.

love life

love life

i know, i know, i've said this before. (mar26)

but.

for the past couple of days, i've been thinking, well, obssessing about having at least a semblance of a love life. i don't know but for some weird reason, it just keeps hitting me these past few days. i have no idea what brings this nor have i any control over it. it's like i want to be depressed but not really; like i really want to wallow at my non existent love life but i'd rather be enjoying.

gaah.

wild guess: maybe, just maybe, after a long time, i THINK i am infatuated with someone. i've got to confess: i've been stalking this person's blog and friendster. i don't know, i think this person just gives off a certain charm of vulnerability and wit. i think we mix well. i think.

oh my god. i think all the sensible cells in my body has been altered to this irraparable stage because of the fever i had for two weeks. craziness.

don't get me wrong, i'm still waiting and not searching. all i'm saying is that it just gets tiring. i need a love life. boohoo. (yeah, laugh your asses off just riiight..... NOW) can somebody please take me out or at least ask me to ask you to take you out? see a movie? have coffee? just no weirdos please. i dunno. damn. i suck at this.

ampota. *insert emo music here* i really think i'm good looking and i really, really have a great personality. what i don't understand is why the hell am i stuck here? is it just me who sees that?! so please.
waaaaah. i can't believe i just advertised myself. geeeeezzzz....

i'm so unsure of this post that i think i'll delete this in a couple of hours. i don't know.

one word: LOLz....

ciao.

first vblog

first vblog

now this is just-got-out-of-bed-look of the season. lol.

serendra

serendra

ok, ok, you can stick a big L on my forehead already. it was my first time in serendra last night. beautiful. we walked around serendra until high street. it was like greenbelt but bigger - a lot bigger.

it was kathy who told us to have dinner last night. so being gullible like children that we are, we all agreed.
yesterday afternoon, she told me that she'll be late though because she has a german class. it was until 9pm. i figured i should go there early so i can go home early because i'm still feeling the remnants of my sickness. so while kathy was enjoying her german sausage, i was in glorietta waiting for yuri so we could go together. it was just 630 when we met.

a couple of texts to macky, kathy, anne, and karen later on, i was "informed" that we are meeting at 9pm and not before it. ASSWIPES!

when kathy texted me that she'd be late, i assumed that the other would be there earlier. what is the point of arriving late if there are no people present YET. right? RIGHT?!

so anyway, while waiting for kathy, yuri and i went around glorietta i guess more than twice already just doing nothing and "canvassing" for yuri's watch. finally, at 830, macky called me up and told me that the dinner thing "might" be cancelled. nako, if you could've seen my face when he told me that. of course 'twould be better to just wait for them than have it cancelled. so before the conversation ended, we agreed that it was all go and that we should go to serendra already.
well, "attempt" to go to serendra is the better word. pakshet! we went around glorietta just to find a cab. and when we almost gave up and almost decided to take the fort bus, instead, we remembered it was easier to get a cab from greenbelt. so from sm makati, we went back again to greenbelt, passing by landmark. aaargh, my legs were already giving up on me and i was feeling i was getting sick again.
finally, after 6013546875 years of standing in front of greenbelt, we were finally able to hail a cab.

and so we arrived. wow. beautiful. *BIG LOSER SIGN ON MY FOREHEAD*
so while still waiting for macky and the rest of the people, we went around serendra, all while yuri has his lower back pains, and i on the verge of having the full-blown flu. we walked around serendra, high street, and back again to serendra.
fast forward, after LOOOOONG minutes of deciding where to eat, we finally settled in Thai Silk right across Abe. place was nice, cozy, and the food was wonderful. quite pricey though. (well what do i expect?! especially if on our next table MRS. IMELDA MARCOS was there! ok, hel-lo!)
so to capture our ka-jologan in the resto, here's a few pics.

(click to enlarge)

after that, we grabbed our desserts in Miss Desserts. Although i was coughing like crazy, i, well most of us, ordered the this super super chocolatey cake called the earthquake. honestly, it was nothing really special, quite expensive for a simple soft chiffon cake overloaded with chocolate and more chocolate.
again, more of our ka-jologan.

so we finally went home around 130am already.
and good new is, now, I'M FUCKING SICK.

** edit (sept09) i never thought that it was possible for me to register above 39 degrees C. fuck. last night it was 39.4. and today it's playing at 38.5 - 39. dammit.

anyway, here's something for laughs. this is what happens when my face and yuri's face are combined. lol.

and here's more. picture no.1 is freaky! so guess which celebrity my face is morphed into. lol.

l-r: jude law, tobey maguire, adrian brody, ben affleck, david beckham.

and this one, almost nothing changed. me and my mom's face, morphed!

ciao!

heartbeats

One night to be confused
One night to speed up truth
We had a promise made
Four hands and then away

Both under influence we had divine scent
To know what to say
Mind is a razorblade

To call for hands of above to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough for me

One night of magic rush
The start: a simple touch
One night to push and scream
And then relief

Ten days of perfect tunes
The colours red and blue
We had a promise made
We were in love

To call for hands of above to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough for me

And you, you knew the hand of a devil
And you kept us awake with wolves teeth
Sharing different heartbeats in one night

* heartbeats, jose gonzalez