papa

today marks the 11th year since papa left us. incidentally, today is also the feast of the archangels. i think it's just fitting. i believe papa has been my angel for the last 11 years. i have not been harmed, ill, or have made any life decisions that i regret. thanks pa. i know you've been proud.

our lady of fatima parish

i went to hear mass for papa and also to thank God for being my father for those 11 years (and counting).

maraming maraming salamat po talaga.

the truth

This Is The Truth

If you turn things upside down

You can’t hope for your life to change

I would be lying to you if I said that

You have a great future ahead

That you can recover from your past mistakes

That your life could be filled with joy

That your children could be safe and healthy

More than anything you must know

Human beings can not accomplish these things

And I am convinced of this because I know you

All you are capable of is failure

You have made a complete mess of your life and

I refuse to believe under my circumstances that

You can turn things around in the coming years

You may think your life is bad now but

There’s more to come you have only destiny

And whether you like it or not

This is what is real

I am the Lord your God

You should know I believe exactly the opposite



now, read the message line by line going up.
it literally turns the message upside down :)

* saw this in a video in facebook, too bad i can't find the video on youtube.

ciao!

the scorpion

The sexual Scorpio

A Scorpio is an intense, sexually insatiable lover whose desire for sexual exploration can often outstrip that of their partner.

They have a strong loyalty streak and their passion can become somewhat overwhelming at times.

They hate routine and make love with a remarkable intensity, are not above using sex to manipulate their partner, and can be domineering over every move in the bedroom.

Jealousy is a major feature in this sign often resulting in Scorpio becoming suspicious of their partner to the point of suffocating them.

When a Scorpio is with you they're with you and only you.

Scorpio’s generally have high standards although they tend to apply them to matters of particular interest to them.

They can present a calm outlook on the surface when in fact raging within. They love and live their own way and are far from easily influenced to any change their opinion or outlook.

There is a powerful magnetic quality inherent in the Scorpio - hypnotic in the male and femme fatale in the female, so that the intensity of their love attracts others toward them.

The Scorpio sign rules the genitals, and while this an erogenous body area for everyone, in case of Scorpio, it is the principal area of sexual focus. Gently stroking in this area will arouse and let loose the incredible passion of Scorpio.

Best Bed Mates for the Scorpio: Pisces, Capricorn, Virgo, Cancer, and Scorpio.

Scorpio's Career

To identify a Scorpio look for that determined person whose interior boils while their face remains frozen.

Due to their fascination with the mystical, life and death and mysteries you will often find these people the fields of doctor, healer, astrology, psychology or investigative type work such as a police or private detective.

These can be the “Terminator’s” of the Zodiac, not to be crossed.

A determined and active winner-take-all character who will maintain their eyes on the objective and never deviate.

They are generally straight shooters who can project charisma and charm, know how to zero-in on those important tasks and, where a deal is concerned, have no hesitation on going in for the kill.

They can be very loyal to those who earn their respect, but look out if you don’t.

They have high standards in general, but tend to apply those standards to areas of interest peculiar to themselves.

The Scorpio tends to like to manage, create and solve problems, they prefer to lead by example and love to win.

Where Scorpio can learn to manage their need for control, their aggressiveness and a potential for vindictiveness then they can be accomplished winners.

Strong-minded Scorpios can go far professionally, however they are not always interested in achieving status or grabbing the limelight, preferring to wield and manipulate power behind the scenes.

Such qualities often attract many Scorpio’s toward secretive cum investigative type work such as private detective, police, electronic snooping, undercover work, tax inspector, spying and even criminal activities.

Their natural investigative qualities together with their fascination for the mystical, life and death may often attract them toward careers in psychiatry, psychology, pathology, research and even undertaking. Those with a strong Mars influence in their charts may well gravitate toward careers in the military.

These folk were born to lead, investigate, create, heal and teach. Any career or vocation in keeping with such qualities will appeal to Scorpio.

i tend to agree with most of what's written. i have to ask people around.

yun lang. hmm, que interesante.

humor me

i was watching all the videos on facebook, isa lang masasabi ko: iba talaga ang pinoy! nothing can bring this nation down! eh ano naman kung baha?! enjoy pa rin! haha. sayang lang hindi ko mapakita dito yung mga nakita ko (nasa facebook kasi nakaupload). sige ganyan lang, daanin lang sa humor. di naman nawawala ang pag asa eh :) sabi ng isang "film maker" sa facebook, "eh ano naman kung nawala ang garden namin? napalitan naman ng isang malaking swimming pool!" ganyan lang! when life gives you lemons, make lemonade! :)

bilang wala naman akong mapakitang video, ito nalang muna. sa pilipinas lang din 'to! mascots ng biggest fastfood chains, nagcontest! haha.

ciao!

ondoy

first off, i want to thank the lord for keeping me safe. thank you, thank you, thank you lord.

yesterday, i woke up to the sound of rains outside my window and i thought it's gonna be another long cool day. but i was not prepared to see the flooded street in front of our house. our street virtually never flooded before except for those super strong typhoons. still after a few minutes, it will be gone.

but the water kept rising. tita madette, JR, and tito jojie started moving their cars to the garage. lolo was already shouting to everyone at the house because the antiques in the shop are being flooded.

less than 30 minutes later, the water rose to waist-deep. a friend who's stuck in edsa called and i needed to bring food already. i packed my things and waited a little to see if the flood would go down a little. it's still going up and i had to leave already because i might not be able to make it if i waited a little longer.

what normally takes less than 5 minutes to jollibee edsa took me over 15 minutes to reach. i can't begin to imagine how much courage it took me to tread the waters with cockroaches, rats, garbage, animal feces, and engine oil floating and swimming around me. at one point i had to stop to look for my slippers because the current swept it off. i knew then, the weather was turning for the worse.

i eventually made it to the car, kawawa naman in the middle of edsa with hazzards on. we ate and drove a while -- looking for places where we can park. we found ourselves on edsa-magallanes flyover and stayed there until 6 or 7 pm. edsa soutbound was not moving but the north bound lane was light. we headed to the gas station along edsa-dasmariñas village and we had dinner there.

we were just waiting for the flood to subside in our house so we can go home. after much waiting and texting to my cousin for flood news, we headed home. i got home at a little earlier than 1am. though the streets were still flooded, it was just ankle-deep that time.

i thought it was bad. and it was bad. but i never thought it was THIS bad.

*found this on youtube, this is a few meters away from our house.

thank you lord for keeping me and my family safe. i heard my relatives in antipolo are not doing well and i'm praying for them. keep them safe. keep all of us safe.

:-S

... you're doing it again. tsk tsk.

mahirap hindi mainis, pero ano pang magagawa ko.

lord, give me a bucketful of tolerance please. tolerance lang. kahit hindi na muna happiness. tolerance lang po talaga.

bad day

but as they say, it's all about perspective.

i had a bad day because:

• i twisted my leg, can't walk properly, and it hurts like mother
• i had an after-office training
• my computer in the office broke down... again.
• it started raining shortly after the training and i was soaking wet when i got home
• i'm having palpitations yet again
• i didn't have the time to get the results of last week's tests
• my land line is still not working

but i should be happy because:

• my mommy loves me
• mommy and jamie are now doing fine
• daryll and janna are both doing great
• i have close friends
• the weather is cooler
• i was able to get all things done today
• i did not make a fuss over what i'm feeling
• i still have legs
• my blood tests were negative for hyperthyroidism
• i got seasons 2 and 3 of avatar
• my colds are now virtually gone
• i don't spend on dinners
• i'm 100% debt free
• i can do anything i want

see, 14 to 7. though i'm still cringing every time i take a step, the happy stuff still outweigh the bad stuff.

ciao.

1:15 am

minsan, sa 'di malayong nakalipas na panahon, nagagawa kong maging panatag sa mga gabing tulad nito. tahimik, tila walang gumagalaw at walang nagbabalak gumalaw.
may minsanang pag-ungol ng aso sa malayo ngunit mabilis din namang tumitigil.

sa malayong lugar -- malayong malayo sa kinauupuan ko -- sa ibabaw ng isa sa pinakamataas na gusali, may mga taong nagiingay. nagsasaya. lango ang kaluluwa sa alak, kwentuhan, tawanan, at samahan. at lango rin ang alak sa kanilang mga kaluluwa.

di pa tiyak, ngunit aalis din sila sa kanilang kinalalagyan. iiwan ang lugar na may natapong alak sa mesa, mga tirang pagkain sa platito, isang nahulog na tinidor sa sahig, at dalawang basag na baso sa pasimano. ngunit hindi magtatagal ang kalat na iyon at ililigpit din -- lilinisin ng mga taong minsan nilang inutusan ng isa pang baso ng tubig at pinaghingan ng kubyertos.

iiwan nila ang maingay na lugar at babalik din sila sa mga silid nilang walang ibang tunog kung hindi ang nakakabinging katahimikan.

at babalik din siya kung nasaan ako ngayon. sa espasyong hindi kaila sa kanya. sa upuang minsan ay naging kanya. at malalalaman niya ang pagkanta ng buwan. at mahihirapan na siyang sumunod sa himig ng isang gabing tahimik.

notes to self

i don't like being in a high-school crowd. i find them so... immature and maarte. "like omg, have you seen her?!" "like, i know rrryyyyeee!!" "what's A yosi if there's no alak?"

and those are actual lines i overheard.

ewww.

*********

i should tone my passion a bit lower. i get all passionate and it comes right smack at my face and a;sofw04fjascma;lg. a;osdfja;sfjasi8wuerfamn...

*********

i miss drinking.

*********

went out with tootsie last saturday. 'twas a blast. kahit kaming dalawa lang hehehe. medyo sumi-serious ang usapan. harhar. the last time i saw her was when she dropped by the office pa pala. last year pa yata yun.

*********

i need to have a kaladkarin friend. medyo namimiss ko na yung times na kahit nasa bahay lang ako, pag naisipan kong umalis, may sasama. o kaya pag naisip kong gumawa ng bagay, may gusto jumoin. kahit na kape lang or movie, may magpapauto. yung ganun lang. medyo double edged sword din kasi ang living independently -- you come home to no one and you come home to no one. gets?

oh eh ano naman kung umi-emo ako ngayon? :P

*********

alas dos na wala pa rin.

ciao.

i'm okay

i'm okay.

i'm okay.i'm okay.

dumaguete update

*natawa ako, as if naman may kailangan akong i-update hahaha.*

anyway, i completely forgot about the pictures i took in dumaguete. i saw it again only now. but i will upload it once i sort it all out.

that's all.

ciao!

walang title

medyo hindi ko gusto ang nararamdaman ko. hindi ko rin masyado nagugustuhan ang mga nangyayari. ayoko sanang isulat dahil matagal ko na siyang di pinapansin. pero for my sake, siguro, susubukan kong himayin ang mga bagay-bagay.

parati kong sinasabi, wala akong pakialam sa mga iniisip ng tao sakin. dahil kung ano ako, ganun ako. hindi naman ako nagpapakaplastik para lang tanggapin ng tao. masaya ako pag ang mga tao sa paligid ko at ang mga taong nakakasalamuha ko ay natatanggap naman ako. minsan nga, sa point na gusto talaga nila ako. i'm talking in all terms. pero minsan talaga may mga rejection na ang hirap lunukin. tanggap ko -- bilang spur of the moment, pero after a while, magsisink-in na siya tapos iisipin ko, "pucha, hindi naman ako mukhang orc." o kaya, "tae, major rejection yun ah!" mga ganun. ang hirap isipin, medyo masakit din sa ego, pero after a while din, makakamove-on din ako. kapalan nalang siguro ng mukha.

sa isa pang aspeto, medyo nabobore na ko. nagpapatong patong na rin ang frustrations ko. napupunta na rin ako sa puntong nagiging indifferent na ko. kilala ko pa naman ang sarili ko, pag naging indifferent na ko sa mga bagay, nawawalan na ko ng interes. nawawalan na rin ako ng kusa. nawawalan ng drive. minsan pinagkikibit balikat ko nalang. maari naman akong lumabas sa ganitong sitwasyon pero hindi ko pa makita ang perfect timing. parang laging pag nagsisimula na kong sumulong, may hahatak pabalik. pero yun na nga, nawawalan na ko ng gana. naghihintay akong may mangyari, pero mukhang natatagalan ang stagnation. okay sana ang stagnation -- pero sandali lang. eh sa personality ko pa naman, i can't be in one place for a long time. siyempre gusto ko at kailangan ko ng progress.

sa banda rito naman, ito malaking question mark talaga. naghihintay lang ako ng sign na matagal ko nang hinihingi -- kung para sa kin, tatanggapin ko ng buong buo. kung hindi naman, sana tulungan ako ni lord na makabangon. sa ngayon, hindi ko masasabing masaya ako ng buong buo. dahil marami pa akong gustong mangyari sa banda dito. minsan naiisip ko na baka masyado yatang malaki ang hinihingi ko. pero naiisip ko rin, yung hinihingi ko naman are the things that i deserve because it's what i do, too. kumbaga i do onto others what i want others to do onto me. ganun. pero parang tuwing iniisip ko, nasho-short hand yata ako. siguro ganun lang talaga. ito yata yung sinasabi nilang life is unfair. if it is, then i guess somehow, i feel cheated.

well, siguro kasalanan ko rin naman. kasi may tendency ako na laging matakot, mag-second guess, magduda sa sarili ko at sa gagawin ko. masyado yatang malakas ang pag-a-argue ko sa sarili ko to the point na natatakot na kong gumalaw. kumbaga, nagiging ugali ko ang, "don't fix if it ain't broke." ayoko pa naman ng ganun.

alam ko wala kang maiintindihan sa sinulat ko. pero tulad nga ng sinabi ko, para sakin lang naman to.

ciao!

angelo

angelo came to us the night my father died. while my father was being prepped for surgery, ate dolly was in labor. i never saw angelo in the hospital and it's been a few weeks after that since i first saw him.

last sunday, nanay celebrated her birthday and to my surprise, everyone was there (except the sons as always). while i was so happy eating crabs and kare-kare (not at the same time :D ), kuya thrist, ate dolly and their two sons arrived. angelo and fernan. i don't know but i really have this inclination towards these boys -- angelo's arrival and my papa's departure, and fernan, the only person in the whole clan whom i share my name with :)

after i finished eating, i went to nanay's room to see angelo. he was there in front of the huge tv and his hands were on the speakers just below it. he seems to be happy with what's on. he was smiling.
see, angelo is a special boy. i don't know the exact term for his condition but his mental faculties are not the same as ours (i can't say "limited" because for all i know, this boy is a genius, pala). it's also because of this that he can't fully control his upper and lower limbs.
i approached angelo and patted his back.

"you like what you see, angelo?"

he looked up to me with his happy eyes and managed to say a few syllables. his expression was that of a gaze, awe, and happiness.
i talked to him again while he was busy watching tv.
a few minutes after, nanay called and asked me to get dessert. so i left the room and angelo to his tv.

after dessert, i went back to the room and saw angelo by the door "walking." i was really happy to see him "walk." walking to him means moving his knees and legs on the floor.
when he saw me, there was that smile again and he was so excited he managed to shout "waaaw!"

"wow! you can walk already!!"

another syllable and he walked straight to me. i walked towards him and helped him get up. when i was holding his hands and back, it never occured to me that he has grown so tall!
i tried to walk him like a baby while still holding on to his sides. it took us almost five minutes to get to the dinner table with the rest of the family. the room's door and the dining table were merely two meters apart.

i proceeded to sit beside them at the dining table with angelo standing between my legs. he was really so happy. he kept looking up at me and was actually laughing.

he's so innocent and happy that time. i know many people would wish the same thing, even for just a fleeting moment. i do.

here's angelo and fernan with ate dolly, their mother (my cousin, kuya thrist's wife).


and the birthday celebrator with her apo's (plus one) :-) i really wish nanay all the happiness in the world.

clockwise from left: me, nanay, angel, lilane, ian, ate cherry, JR, and cheska

ciao!

sa sumasakay ng jeep

umuulan nung patakbo ako papunta sa jeep. basa na ang bag ko at basa na rin ang dala kong pagkain na nakalagay sa plastic bag. dali-dali akong pumasok sa jeep. ako lang ang tao.

umupo ako sa dulo ng jeep at dumudukot na ako ng pambayad ko sa driver nang ikaw ay dumating. nagkatitigan tayo sandali tapos umupo ka sa harap ko. may pumasok pang isa at umupo siya malapit sa likod ng driver.
"bayad po." ang sabi ko sa kasasakay lang. mabuti naman at iniabot niya agad ang kamay niya

"salamat!" sabi ko pag-abot niya sa akin ulit ng sukli. nakatingin lang ako sa labas at iniisip ang sabaw na binili ko -- "okay!" sabi ko sa isip ko, "sakto, umuulan pa!"

napansin ko nalang sa gilid ng mata ko na tinititigan mo ko. at hindi lang basta titig. mula sa mga sapatos sa paa ko, sa bag na dala ko, sa jacket na suot ko, sa pagkaing kapit ko, pati na ang payong na hawak ko. kahit na nakakailang kanto na ang dinaanan ng jeep na sinasakyan natin, titignan mo rin ang mukha ko.

na-conscious ako.

kaya sabi ko sa isip ko, "dapat tignan din kita para ikaw naman ang ma-conscious nang matigil ka na rin sa mga tingin mo." kaya tinignan kita -- mata sa mata.

2 segundo na, nakatingin ka pa rin.

3...

4...

5...

ako na ang nahiya. kaya tumingin na ko sa labas. halos kalahati na ng papunta samin ang natahak ng jeep. pero tingin ka pa rin ng tingin. kaya sabi ko sa sarili ko, "sige, last na, tangina matunaw ka sa tingin ko!"

2 segundo...

3...

4...

nang biglaan nalang, ako ang naeskandalo. hindi ko inaakalang gagawin mo yun. sana nagpasabi ka muna, o kaya sinabi mo, "excuse me," o kaya'y nagkunwaring hindi nalang nangyari yun.

ginulat mo ko.

putanginaka. bakit ka nangulangot sa harap ko?!

binilog at pinitik mo pa papunta sakin wayup ka!!

sa mga sumasakay ng jeep, pucha, wag ganun!

can i have this dance

i can't decide which version is better. i have not heard the original version (thank god... and partly because i want to have their version as my lss haha) and i have not seen the movie. but the song i think is nice.

this is singingdork and esnathesinger's version

i like the girl's voice here - full and powerful but with just the right amount of softness and fragility. parang sarah bareilles meets demi lovato ang dating.
yung sa guy naman, buong buo yung tunog. his voice is like michael buble singing the blues. ewan ko lang.
solid din yung harmony nila, mejo malakas lang yung sa girl pero maganda pa rin ang labas.

this is jenniferjchung and gabebondoc's version

ganda ng harmony nila dito - parehong napaka-delicate ng atake. it's as if they're just talking here na may harmony.
both their voices are pang acoustic talaga. their voices are the type that you'd just want to hear on a long drive home on a lazy sunday afternoon. define mushy and light-hearted haha.

o well, yun lang. na inspire lang ulit nanaman ako. bow. don't worry, i won't be posting any singing videos of myself here (though really tempted to do so haha).
pero come to think of it, wala namang nagbabasa nito (i know :) ) so i just might hahahaha.

ciao!

dinner

when tita guing came back from cebu, she told us how the trip went really sour. we were talking about it on the dinner table. lola was sitting right in front of me and was adding her own experiences to tita guing's story. tita guing's blood pressure was reaching boiling point when my lola went, "ay! baling layu-a!! init pa kaayo! kapoy sos!" (ay! sobrang layo, ang init pa! nakakapagod, sos!)
i directed my attention to her and i was smiling while she was talking.

when, without any warning, without any apprehension, as if she's just talking about the weather, she quipped, "bryan, kelan ka ba magpapakasal?"

so i looked at tita guing and said, "nge, buti na lang hindi pala ako sumunod, nakapagrelax pa ko!"
it was followed by a record-breaking time of finishing my plate and hurrying to the kitchen.

jusme lola! ha-highblood-in ako sayo! hahahaha.
dear lola, may problema tayo sa tanong mo. sa tingin ko, ang una mo dapat itanong eh kung may girlfriend na ko. dahil dun pa lang, patay na tayo! hahahaha.
pangalawa, yung tanong would mean na may intention akong magpakasal. and lola dear, wala pa po sa isip ko yun. naman! i can barely afford things for myself kaya. hahaha. i'm still a litol boy :-)

haay... i love lola's naïveté -- brutal kung brutal.

LOL!

I'm back in manila. boo.

ciao!