what is happiness?

my girls, with their pasalubong.

hindi ba happYness yan?! =P


in a totally unrelated news, last wednesday, we went to edsa shrine to hear mass after work. consequently, we had our foreheads.. uhmm.. ash-ed. hahaha.

parang may stigmata lang.

dumaguete: sneak peek

i've done away with the usual belfry, cathedrals, and other familiar sights. this time, we headed to the mountains of valencia and (almost) lake balinsasayao. these are some (of the few) pictures going there and being there.

beautiful lamp posts such as this dot the road just beside the sea on the way to lake balinsasayao.

the tranportation of choice here in dumaguete is the motorcycle. one (or two) can go around the city and its neighboring towns and cities easily with this. i personally went around dumaguete riding a motorcycle -- made my journey extra-personal and wonderful.

going up lake balinsasayao, everywhere you look is remarkably picturesque. those rocks are abundantly scattered throughout the trail and my lola is serious in stealing one. ("akong ibutang sa garden para lami!)

this is up the mountain of valencia. the waters here are so freaking cold. this is also the source of the banica river in dumaguete city.

an artsy shot of the river. yes, we actually bathed in that river. coolness... literally.


ciao!

the journey home

i'm drunk posting. i don't know what came to me but i'll say what just happened.

after a few bottles alone, i found myself walking out the door and hailing a cab going to makati. dropped myself in washington street along dela rosa. i walked the length of the street three times; twice on one direction and once going back. side-tripped home through jacinto and through wilson streets.

it's been so long since i've felt so lost. i have never been this spontaneous my entire life. i have never left home alone at 1 in the morning. i've never been so illogical and so unreasonable.

for that, i'm so deeply and profoundly sorry.

on the other hand, i found what i've been looking for.

ang balong sa tagsibol

at muling sisibol ang pinakamagandang kwento ng aking pagkatao /
dahil sa bukal ng iyong puso na bubuhay sa mga tuyot na diwa nito /
dito uusbong ang panibagong pagsilang ng sariling
buo at ganap //

notes

every so often, i just jot things that run through my mind. and more often than not, i write things that are way too emo (especially when i read it now). i'll just be posting a few.
here's one, written may 2, 2008.

i say "i'm a bit depressed today" because i can no longer feel sad and lonely. the frequency and, should i say, the quality of my feelings can no longer be contained in those words.

this was may 23, 2008.

libo kung bibilangin
ang mga nabuo kong salita
sa walang hanggang espasyo
na inialay ko sa iyo.
at sa huli pala'y
kailangan lang ay dal'wa -
____ ____.

this one was right after my birthday, october 28, 2008.

i've never seen a face so sad
funny thing is, i always liked looking in the mirror

here's a note i wrote last november 22, 2008.

everything revolves around me because i have to take care of myself.
because if in the process of what were doing right now hurts me, then there would be no one to blame but myself. i have never accused people of affecting me because i always believe that people only hurt themselves -- i only hurt me.

and another one last december 29, 2008.

everything that there is is because of you. and if that's all that there is, that's enough.

this, the most recent, february 13, 2009. this is just part of the poem.

... I stopped and hesisated
I turned around and I was foiled!

finally, our senses coalesce
our gazes finally meet

i drown ...

haha these are funny, no?

ciao!

my boulevard

perhaps one of the most scenic and most photographed spots in dumaguete is the rizal boulevard. as i always say, you have never been to dumaguete if you haven't strolled along its famous stone-laden path.

in the many years i've come back and walked on its familiar pathway, the placid giants that is the acacia trees always seem to cradle me in its arms. the placid lapping of the sea against the clear grey sand invites me closer to its embrace. so familiar and so warm was the feeling that it has slowly etched itself into my being.

tonight is different. the great cosmos must have seen my restless heart and in pity, laid out the most beautiful blanket of stars and sent out the laughing amber moon. from the horizon, where i cast my eyes, the moon is evidently generous. she instinctively paved a road of dancing amber cyrstals on the sleepy waters of the south down to the tips of my toes -- inviting me closer, drawing me nearer.

i almost laughed with her so as not to disappoint her. because for the many moments of gloom that i've come to her, she has never failed to console me -- always leaving my soul enraptured.

tonight, as i sit along its tree-lined benches, a familiar scent wafted into the air. i searched for its origin and yet another familiar gaze caught my eyes. it was deep and endearing, enthralling and ravishing.
my lips quivered and a slient smile slowly broke into and through it.

and there you were -- my manna from heaven, my gift from the universe.

the moon, obviously satisfied, carefully made her way beyond the clouds and brought with her my beautiful blanket of stars.

it was such a lovely moment after that. then i realized this is mine.

the boulevard is mine.

* 500th post *

with a sad, sad heart

i'm back to rusty old manila.

!

badtrip ka.

pre-valentine pre-need

in a matter of hours, i'll be in heaven. so before i finally say goodbye to the real world, indulge me in some work news.

the last couple of weeks has been a pain in the industry i work in. the pre-need industry has yet again made headlines and suffice it to say, it was not the kind of news companies are dreaming of.

fresh from the quarterly conference, i am drowning in all the talks and reactions that arose from all those not-so-good PR of many media outfits. in the same way, i would like to think that, with our chairman and president's transparency, i was informed about our company's standing, our reaction, and the steps we will be taking together in the next couple of months and maybe even years.

just a while ago, while doing my last-minute packing, a former officemate, charles, texted me to watch winnie monsod's analysis on the pre-need issue. the question, if i'm not mistaken is if it's still safe to invest in pre-need plans.

i was ready to raise my eyebrows up until the 3rd floor because frankly, there are quite a handful of misleading information lately that has been presented as news which just makes me go WHAT?!

but i was wrong. and it felt quite good to be wrong this time. ms. monsod presented the concept of pre-need in a very factual basis just as we, trainers, do in our trainings. she also pointed out the biggest misconception about the trust fund. she said, and i paraphrase, that the issue about the trust fund being mismanaged is not even an issue at all. the fact of the matter is, the trust fund IS NEVER and has NEVER BEEN managed by pre-need companies. it is being managed by trustee banks.

the SEC mandates all pre-need companies to deposit at least 51% of the planholders' investment to the trust fund. our company, and i can only vouch for mine, deposits 60% into our trust fund. in addition, the trust fund can only be used to pay for the pre-need companies' obligations to its planholders -- thus, it can NEVER be used for business expansions, building offices, paying out commissions to agents, and/or/not limited to using it for the salaries of its employees.
the trust fund also serves as a guarantee to our planholders that no matter what happens to the company in the future, our commitment to serve them, as promised, shall be kept.

she was also wise enough to mention that the latest pre-need company to seemingly burst out in flames DOES NOT belong to the federation of pre-need companies. that is a fact that the politicking senators conveniently ignored (and the media too, because this IS a sellable headline). after all, it's all so easy to bash the industry because of the millions of customers it has, therefore having an expansive audience to do their political grandstanding (and yes, elections are just around the corner). this is just a perfect opportunity for them and they, especially that one lousy senator, are making sure they get their piece of the pie.

come on, would you really wanna kill an industry that has given jobs, secured futures, brought in a lot of money to the economy, and realized hopes to millions of filipino people? or is the industry just another hapless victim to some greedy people's ambitions?

however, the greater issue is this: why do they have to wait for some "illegitimate" pre-need companies to go out in smokes when they have all the right and the time to do so EVEN BEFORE THOSE COMPANIES WERE JUST STARTING?
my answer would be this: they don't give a f*ck because there's just NOTHING IN IT FOR THEM. period.






and that, my friends, ends my pre-valentine pre-need brouhaha.
thanks again, charles!

disclaimer: i don't work IN the pre-need industry. i work in the marketing affiliate of a pre-need company.
i merely do trainings.

tapos na, malapit na

tapos na ang unang conference ng taon. sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, hindi ako na-stess at na-pressure sa mismong conference. ni-psych ko na ang sarili ko na irerelax ko lang ang conference na ito. effective pala. mabuti nalang.

productive naman dahil nagkaroon ako ng dalawang tarpaulins, mga presentations, templates, at imbitasyon. may konting daya ang imbitasyon dahil recycled ang konsepto. siguro dahil na rin sa katamaran ko. pero ok lang, sabi naman nila, di bale nang tamad, di naman pagod.

ang iniisip ko nalang, malapit na ko umalis. less than 48 hours nalang, nasa dumaguete na ko ulit. goodbye old, polluted, and cranky manila. hello fresh, exciting, and relaxing dumaguete.

o siya, kapuy na ko kaayo. kit-a lang ta sa dumaguete.
[basig di na ko ganahan mu-uli, bantay lang]

ciao

randomness

napapansin ko lang ha, ang kintab na niya ha. 'wag muna lord, 22 pa lang ako! (wag ka nang komontra please lang!!).
tin was kind enough to creatively crop my dark circles with the office cube divider. she just forgot to place a light diffuser on our flourescent bulbs. yeah, that's how detailed we are when we take our pictures in the office.

i was just supposed to get ice cream when THAT BROWN THING greeted me when i opened the freezer. for a moment i was thinking of possible culprits which had the audacity to leave its "surprise" inside my freezer. then i saw that red canister on the right. nestle pops pala... kala ko tae.

before we started working this year, tin, lloyd, and i went to my house to drink and make nachos. well, the nachos started with us wanting just salsa with it. then i have cheese pa pala so we grated cheese. then i made the (now famous) mayosabi dip (naks!). then i remembered i still have mushrooms, so tin made garlic mushrooms. but we forgot i don't have LPG yet so we settled for the electric griller/plate. lloyd (who had monosodium glutamate aka umami conveniently built-in inside his mouth), was kind enough to eat it. and i quote, while dipping the nachos: "ang sarap niya!!"

during a break from last year's annual planning session, my boss obliged to be my bolang kristal. i borrowed mai's pashmina dash-cum-slash (really big) scarf. of course, we just have to take a pic. duh!

most recent: EFFIN' RATS!!!!!! remember this?? now they did this!!! i used to have one really long-wired mic. it came with the webcam i bought eons ago. it was just recently that i used this mic because my other headset kinda gave up on me. i was supposed to record a song in my head (a usual past time when i'm bored, not that it's any good thank you very much).
when i picked the head of the microphone (see illustration, labeled 6) i thought i picked up the wrong thing. but no!!! as soon as i found pieces of the wire on the floor, my eyes went straight to the socket at the back of the CPU (see illustration, labeled 5) and that's all i found! my once SINGULAR microphone became a 6-piece whatever's-left-of-the-mic. FOCKEN RATS.
it doesn't end there. having found out that the rats had a feast on the wires of my mic, i think it also follows that I HAVE RATS IN THE "COMPUTER ROOM!" and when i say rats, i don't mean the "regular mouse" i usually see running around the house. i mean rats as in RATS THE SIZE OF CATS! ponyeta.

speaking of rats, read this: Was it a rat I saw?
and this: Rats live on no evil star

now read them backwards. cool eh? palindromes, that's what they're called. now you know.

now, shoo!

ciao!

happy silver!

sa nawawala kong bespren, kasambahay (hindi katulong), kaklase, kalaro, kaibigan, kabarkada, kapuso, kapamilya, kakulitan, kasama sa kung anu-ano at saan-saan man...


yuri pakita ka na! (moomoo?!)

of pillows and pimples

i haven't been changing my pillowcases for almost a month now. i don't usually keep track. i just go with how it looks. if it looks dull and the smell reminds me of my daily walk along edsa, then it's time for changing.

but the other night when i inspected my pillowcases, it was still clean - the color seems normal, the smell... well it still smells of the fabric softener i used.
well yeah, why the hell would i tell you about my dirty pillowcases?
see, i've been getting these weird pimplettes (small pimples :D ) on my right cheek. and i remembered, i've been sleeping on my right side lately. i thought dirty pillowcases may be behind my developing pimplettes. now, that's the reason for the sudden inspection of pillows the other night.
now, i have no idea what exactly caused my right cheek to "break-out."

see, i only get pimplettes when i'm in a bit of stress and panic for consecutive days. i get monster-sized zits in nooks and crannies of my face when i'm emotional. but this time, i'm in absolute stress-less situation. in fact, i am quite happy. no, scratch that: i'm REALLY happy. the universe seems to be pretty generous to me right now that at the back of my mind, i'm thinking this is getting a bit too good to be true.

anyway...

i was about to sleep last night and thought about the pillowcase. looking at the pillow brought back memories of my childhood. we were still living in our old house (the house beside the house i'm living in now) and it was only my papa and i. mommy was working overseas then. i remember how every night i would prop my head through the stairs while looking down and see my papa and my tito toto have a drink. it is normal for me to see my father cry while high on alcohol during those times. i don't exactly know what they were talking about but i always remember my papa tell my tito toto, "hindi ko na kaya..."

by then, i would be carefully sneaking down the stairs and innocently ask tito toto why my father's crying. he would always say, "namimiss niya na si mommy mo, patahanin mo si papa mo, 'nak."
i would just stare into my papa's face while he's all red and his face wet with tears and eventually say, "papa tahan na, tulog na tayo, antok na ko." i think that's their cue to cap the night off and go up to sleep.

minutes prior to sleeping, my papa would put my favorite pillow inside the fridge to make it cold. we had a fridge inside our room and there was nothing inside except a bottle of coke and water, there was just enough room for my pillow.
when everything's ready, my papa would get it from the fridge and gently place it between my arms and legs. i would hug it and feel the cold on my young skin. it was wonderful!
in minutes, i'd be in dreamland.



a few moments later i was sucked back to reality and i realized that i was just staring blankly on the wall inside my room. oh, the nostalgia...


and yes, i am really happy. thank you.

ciao!