i've been meaning to write this post for quite a long time now. it's quite a good thing for me to leave this thing hanging for a while because if i publish this post during those times, i'm sure as hell that there will be no line whatsoever in this post without a cuss word or something to that effect. and it's been many times that i've written and rewritten mini mental note-blogs in my head. so prepare to be burdened.
=============================
EXPLICIT WARNING!
* * *
this is pure ranting so if you wish to spare yourself from all my rantings and some disturbingly personal facts, leave now.
otherwise, go on.
=============================
NOT-SO-FUN FACTSpersonal fact # 1 - currently, my electricity is tapped to nanay's kuntador because we failed to pay our electric bill of 50,000 about 3 years ago.personal fact # 2 - i am paying nanay Php2,500 a month for my electricity. (segue: is that really tapping when i'm paying? just curious)personal fact # 3 - yuri and i sleep at the same bedroom because of the wonders of aircon. so the other room is now our studymaybe a lot of you, especially those who are included in my friendster, might have seen my recent bulletin post.
WANTED APARTMENT MATE IN MAKATI SEE DETAILS
wanted apartment mate with own bedroom. preferrably 2 females but male will do. free electricity and water usage, one common sala, one kitchen and one common bathroom. makati location.
all these for a price of 3000/month (1500/person) only.
all those interested may contact me by replying to this post.
thanks
first things first. yuri is not leaving. might as well clear that up. because i've been sent quite a number of queries and messages about him. well, absolutely not.
this is the reason.
nanay
(that's my lola to you guys who haven't heard of or met her yet) called my mother in the states to formally tell her that due to the recent news of oil prices going up and the economy down
(that's an exaggerated way of telling times are rough), I
(/we), might as well open the other room on my flat for renting. and mommy called me early morning here to break the news.
me on the phone: "what? ok.. go on..."my mother went on telling me about the loose details. but as of now, there is no concrete detail yet. all that was mentioned was nanay, together with lolo, decided to open my other room for rent because costs are now very high.
me on the phone: "... ayoko nga. mamaya di ko kilala yun eh, and i have to give the keys of the house to that person. i don't trust anybody with my keys except yuri. nobody else."mommy told me that she can't do anything about it and neither can i. all i can do for now is to talk to my lola and explaing to her how i feel about the situation. she then continued on telling me how nanay feels about yuri. nanay thinks that yuri is taking advantage of living with me. she went on on telling my mommy that she
thinks yuri is a bad influence to me.
me on the phone: "WHAT?! i've been hearing those rumors (about people talking behind my back about people they do not know)
but that cannot and is absolutely not true. and to hell with them that they think i'm easily corrupted or swayed or influenced by anyone!!"ok the last line was really just what's going on in my mind that time.
i was on the verge of tears because for the first time, i felt tremendously helpless. last time i felt that way was when my father died. i was furious about the situation and the fact that i cannot, at that time, nor in any way, defend myself and/or yuri from people who talk ill behind my/our back/s. why can't they just tell that to
MY FACE. at least they'll get an answer.
i know i've been carrying this lifelong attitude of
i-don't-care-what-you-think-of-me-so-long-as-i'm-not-stepping-on-anybody but don't you ever dare to "assault" my character and especially the people i really care about because you really have to prepare yourself for retaliation.
YOU DON"T KNOW THE WAY I LIVE, THE WAY I FEEL AND THE THINGS I DO. YOU DON'T KNOW ME!breather.nanay talked to me personally the other day. no thanks to me being late, i was caught offguard while running toward the street where i take my cab to school and when i try not to talk to her at least for a while to ease my anger/anxiety/depression/helplessness/etc.
nanay told me that the rent is going to be 3,000 a month. that's 1,500 per person.
here are my thoughts on this. and thanks to my business education, i've done so much of a cost-benefit (and ROI) analysis.
straight fact: i will be leaving for the states hopefully after i graduate. so that's early next year. and that's like 8 months away.
do you honestly think, without even going through all the hassle of computations, that that 3,000 a month will ever reach 50k in 8-9 months to pay for our back electricity bill?
she also told me that since the renter will stay in my current airconditioned bedroom, she will have to move the aircon to the other room. so that means someone's gonna come in my place and install the aircon. she will also have to buy new beds for the renter. plus, paint the walls because the wallpapers are torn in some places. she will also have to fix the kitchen and install a new bathroom door.
that means cost. hello. it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the costs
DEFINITELY outweigh the benefits. and there WILL BE NO return on investment in those 8 months, even a year.
i can go on and on all night about this but i'm tired.
breather.thank god i was finally able to get my allowance a while ago and at least i'm financially safe for a month or so. i was also able to vent a good amount of frustration to my mom a while ago when we talked. thanks mommy. you're all that i needed at these times.
oh, the drama of my life.
god, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change;
the courage change the things that i can
and the serenity to know the difference.
