ssshhh!

ssshhh!
mga mensahe para sayo

isa ko sa mga laging nasasabihan ng mga sikreto. sa dami nga, minsan napagpapalit-palit ko ang mga mukhang may tangan na sikreto sa kanilang sikreto. pero mas madalas ay nalilimutan ko rin. marahil kaya rin nila sinasabi sakin ay sa dahilang madali akong makalimot ng mga sikreto at mas makakabuti sa kanila ang maihinga muna ang kanilang mga sama ng loob o ang kanilang mga pinakatatagong sikreto.

ngunit anong gagawin mo pag nakaalam ka ng isang bagay na hindi mo dapat malaman? nang hindi mo sinasadya? madali sana saking itago nalang sa akin ito ngunit paano kung masyado itong mabigat para lamang sa isang tao?

sa panahong ito, kailangan ko ng isang taong papayag na makibahagi sa kabigatan ng loob ko. at mas malaki ang hihingin kong kapalit na katahimikan at pagtitikom sa panahong sabihin ko ang aking nalalalaman. hindi naman ito sa ika-sisira nino man o sa ikasasama ng aking sarili. mahirap lang tlagang magtago.

para sayo:
akala ko ba ako ang iyong takbuhan? kala ko lang naman. katulad naman ng mga nasabi ko sa mga unang entry ko, ayoko na ma-expect. sadyang nakaka-panghina lang ng loob kapag hindi ito natupad. kaya steady lang ako. pag kay juan, kay juan.

para sayo:
hindi ko alam kung kaya pa kitang tanggapin. matagal ko nang naiisip dati kung kaya ko pa. hindi ko alam. isa lang ang alam ko: na ako ay magiging bahagi na lamang ng iyong nakaraan.

para sayo:
hindi ko alam kung talagang tugma ang itlog sa lugaw, ang dinuguan sa puto. pero isa lang ang alam ko. gaano man ka-labo ang pagkahalo, alam kong masarap pa rin.

para sayo:
kelan kita ulit masusulyapan? kelan kita muling mayayakap? kelan kita muling mahahalikan? kailan ko muling mararamdaman ang galak?

para sayo (ulit):
hindi kita kayang iwan eh. hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ba ganun. hindi ko rin alam kung makakaya kong lumayo na lamang at manood. hindi ko alam kung bakit kahit ganito ako sayo, pilit ka pa ring ganyan? siguro nakatadhana na ang ganitong buhay ko. magulo. ewan.

para kay soulee:
ikaw lang ang papanglanan ko dahil ikaw lang ang kaya kong panindigan dito. namimiss na kita soulee!! sana makapag usap tayo kahit sa ym lang sa nalalapit na panahon.

========================

uyayi

hindi ko man lang nasilayan

ang kislap ng iyong mga mata
at kung aking mararapatin,

nais kong damhin

ang mga buhok mo

sa bunbunan
wag kang munang iiyak!
baka hindi mo kayanin.
Ang napakeselan mong kutis

at ang mga maliliit nitong mga buhok

na gumuguhit dito
nais kong damhin

ang maliit mong mga kamay na dumampi sa aking nangangarap na labi

tapos nito

ika'y aking itatapon
sa basurahan.

anik anik

concert, ginintuang beer, nakalimutang labahin at iba pa

isa na namang boring update!
linggo nanaman. ang saya. dapat kahapon maglalaba ako pero di ko nagawa kasi may compli tickets ako sa concert nila nyoy, kyla and regine na sponsored ng smart. ngayon, maglalaba ako pagbalik ko. sana lang matuyo para bukas may maisuot ako...
medyo masaya ang concert. kasi nakapagpasaya ako ng kaibigan dahil hindi niya pa nakikita si regine na kumanta. at kagabi ay halos matae siya sa kasisigaw ng pangalan nito ng lumabas siya sa stage.
nainis lang ako kasi parang ang pa special ni regine. talagang kung ano lang ang sinabing kantahin niya, yun lang ang kinanta niya. hindi siya kumanta nung lahat sila ay dapat nang kumanta. pero ayos naman kasi siya ang kumanta at hindi ang madla ang pinakanta niya. ganun pa rin siya. birit to the max habang nakaupo. hanep!

at si nyoy.

ganun pa rin. ang landi pa rin ng boses - in a very very good way. galeng!

bago kami pumunta dun kumain pa kami. pero ako lang ang kumain kasi katatapos lang ni japs kumain. at san pa kundi sa northpark. kung nag mcdo nalang ako siguro nabusog pa ako at hindi masyadong nasunog ang bulsa ko. hay.

forward ulit. tapos ng concert, pumunta kami sa manila pen para tumambay. dapat sa bar kami tatambay. pero kumusta naman, 12 pa lang sarado na ang mga bar. ibang klase! so sa lobby kami tumambay. at umorder. ng ginintuang san mig light na worth 150! presyong hotel talaga! buti nalang mabait ang isa sa mga waiters at kinausap na rin kami. kwento niya si imelda at ang kanyang mga alipores na twice a week nasa manila pen. kwento niya ang mga dirty politicians na mistulang mulawin sa kaka-akbay sa mga babaeng magkabilaan. kwento niya ang mga homosekswal na couples - mga mayayamang homosekswal na couples. kwento niya ang mga mayayamang nakikipag sosyalan doon. at kami. dalawang kaluluwang naliligaw sa grandioso at elitistang lugar. pang ibang lebel na kami! wahehehehe...

hindi ko alam kung ang beer ba mismo o ang presyo nito o ang sadyan pagkaantok ko at medyo tipsy na ako pagkatapos lang ng isang bote. siguro sadyang nakalalasing ang lugar.

charged sa room ang toma! hehehehe!

ngayon. pupunta ako ng school para suportahan ang mga kukuha ng bar exam. last sunday na kasi nila ito at kailangan daw kami nandun. whatever. pero tapos nun, punta ako ng cartimar para bumili ng sapatos that will last me another 8-9 months. gusto ko chucks. gusto ng bulsa ko japeks ulit. tignan nalang natin mamaya.

ay, bago pala ako umalis, gusto ko lang sabihin na ang labo ng panahon men! ngayon sobrang lakas ng ulan. at maya maya lang, naghuhumindik ang araw sa pagsikat. totoo pala yung sinasabi nilang "weather weather lang yan!" bukas kaya nasan na ko?

nga pala, natanggal si jb sa pbb. yes! buti nga!

sige. pero lagi kong nilalalagay dito sa bawat pagtapos ng entry ko ang salitang "ciao"
nag filipino ako ngayon. pano ang ciao sa filipino?

kaen!

so what

so what?

mamaya may rally nanaman sa ayala avenue. sa harap ng building namen. hassle nanaman. mga punyetang mga tao yan. matagal nang patay si marcos. ayusing niyo muna mga problema niyo sa sarili niyo bago kayo mag reklamo sa mga nangyayari sa ibang tao!

like i said, i am now working for my OJT in SMART. and right now, i'm in the office. doing nothing. this is one of the few moments that i get to do nothing and just stuff myself with coffee and more coffee plus the not-so-usual internet surfing. too bad i cannot go to most of the fun sites because there's this web block thing.
anyway, so what have i been really doing, besides ranting, for the last two weeks?
everyday, smart sends a text broadcast to smart subscribers about smart money. and everyday, too, many subscribers send in their inquiries through this MBS or Message Broadcasting Sytem. then the IT department collects these text messages and gives the report to us.
what we do is to collate them and update the file on these many subscribers. that is the usual routine every morning (just imagine how much work we have to do every monday!)
then about mid-morning, we call these subscribers to check if they have received their cards already. if not, too bad. haha kidding! sana nga ganun na lang. kasi pag hindi pa nila na rereceive yung cards nila, we have to go through another very long and ardous process of encoding, updating, filing, stamping and sending again. so basically, every mid morning up to late afternoons, my job is almost the same as those in the call centers. only here, we don't have the high-paying hours.
then after that, there's this thing called pulling-out. my most dreaded process of updating and encoding. hay. even just thinking about it makes me not want to write about it anymore. anyway, just take my word for it.

i guess the fun part of my OJT was over. the time when we get to personalize our own PC's and cubicles.
what i have on my cubicle:

• an ANIMO LA SALLE tarp
• paper clips, pins, boards, papers, pens, pencils, highlighters = all the office stuff
• an alcohol
• a candy jar
• speakers, headsets, my drawings
• lots of folders

what i have inside my drawers:

• toothbrush
• toothpaste
• rubber bands for my hair
• tissue
• food like brownies, bread, etc.
• shoe shine
• cologne and lotion (stop laughing, i have the ugliest nails here and it needs some moisturizing every now and then... ok you can laugh na rin pala kasi bambini yung brand niya.. bigay samin ng talk and text!)
• yosi
• diskettes of someone i don't know

ok enough of work na. pictures to follow hehe!

=======================

so now. it's bugging me already that i'm starting to miss my ohana. i just talked to my brother the other day and i guess i'm disappointed at myself for losing temper on the net that was totally uncalled for. i guess i was just stressed by the fact that i have =-^-.-^--=. and the effect was i going out on my brother.

but i fixed it anyway. talked to him bout school and stuff.

HOY PAKATINO KA!

anyway, i'm already excited for january to come. but i'm taking it one step at a time, no worries.

ok, it's almost lunch time.

ciao!

no cable. no phone. (and soon no internet) no pay.


i feel like everything is going against me now. yesterday, while watching a tv show, my cable was disconnected. my pc was infected with spyware and adware. good thing i can still blog - for now. i can't open my hotmail, yahoo and google accounts. i have a ton of workload for my OJT and no pay. i have to walk the whole length of ayala avenue everyday after work. my only consolation is that i always think that i'm in new york. yeah right. that's what i think, too. my phone cannot load anymore because it is now inactive since three months ago.

i'm really running out of stash. i didn't pay the first installment of my tuition because i don't know when my next allowance's gonna be. i think that was a good decision.

cable and internet is for 4 months already = P5,000 (cable 450, net 800)
phone reconnection fee = P550

and i still can't buy myself enough shirts and pants for work. i almost wannna cry.

the work begins

the work began

yep the OJT work began last tuesday. hectic, depressing (kasi walang sweldo!), fun, enjoyable, exhausting, tiring, and everything put into one.

good thing my group mates and i got along with the staff pretty well. too well, in fact, we placed someone's picture on the cubicle of one of our bosses! haha laughtrip sobra!

but when the work begins, the work really begins.

AND (this might sound pathetic) there's nescafe vendo on our pantry haha! and someone cleans up our used utensils and mugs. we can just leave it there. of course syempre kailangan lubusin dahil walang sweldo. yabang ng smart eh.

yep smart. we train in smart communications inc.

haayyy...

ciao!

nang kitay aking laruin

nang kita'y aking laruin

nais kitang ikubli sa aking munting mga kamay
ngunit sadyang nagpupumiglas ang diwa mong ma
ha rot
sa mumunting mga daliri, ika'y naglalaro
bawat s.u.l.o.k. ng kuko, iyong tinatalunan^
sa

m
a
l
a
l
a
l
i
m
na bahagi'y ika'y h u m i h i g a
bawat pag - a g o s ng balat, iyong k i n a k a n t a

ang himig mo'y nangungurot, sa aking m a h a h a b a n g ugat
lahat iya'y sa bawat munting
e
s pas yo ng aking munting kamay

pati diwa ko'y nagalak sa naramadaman kong mga kiliti

ngunit

kung ako'y magbabalik tanaw, ibig ko sana'y ikaw lamang ay paglaruan

hair cut

after 29,834 years, i finally had a haircut

so yeah. i had my first haircut after a very, very, very long time! and not only that. i had my a streak of my hair colored white!

BUT. before you look at it let me tell you something.
i've been sitting on the chair for 2 hours and the hair colorist got the wrong number so i have to wait for another 40 mins for another application of hair color.
after that time, it's still bright blonde. i couldn't sit on that chair any longer. i begged off and told them it was quits.
so it turned out like this.

bloody hell. rather, phlegmatic hell...
yeah yeah. laugh your asses off. it's quite ugly. yuri said it was ok. i guess not.

don't get all bitchy and stuff about my hair being STILL LONG.. my hair is still pony-tail-able.. i want it that way. so buzz off! haha...

anyway that's me today..

ciao!

carrot egg coffee

the carrot, egg and coffee bean

thought i might share this.

A carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee...
Youwill never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman wentto her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up.She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.
She let them sit and boil, without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "tell me, what do you see?""Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "what does itmean, mother?" Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity... Boiling water.
Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" She asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or someother trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.

When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are theirgreatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handlea dversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

taken from my email..

i drew again

i drew again

so yeah i drew again. woohoo! sharing time... again.

the temptation of adam

i just took a webcam photo of my drawing. sorry. it's quite dark and blurry. that's the best i can do friends!

~~~~~~~~~~~~
and it's so nice to hear from someone again. that the person can accept you as you and not as what that person wants you to be. it's nice to have a friend whom you can converse with - no pretensions and apprehensions. it's nice. it's good. it's great.

my work starts next week. i'm both anxious and excited. thing is, i still don't have enough corporate attire. boohoo.

ciao!

snippets

snippets

hindi ko siya pinansin nung una. but this morning, my left elbow was really throbbing in pain. it went away during the rest of the day but when i make a certain posture, it just hurts! i can't reach my back with my hand. what used to be such an easy task of drying myself after bathing is now a pain in the ass!

i need a chiropractor! and i need a 3-hour whole body massage...

===================

i went to school a while ago to pay my tuition for the last term. CAP, like my elbow, has been a pain in the ass for a number of months now. they still hadn't given me the check yet. so armed with three hundred US dollar bills, i went to school. i was scared of handling that amount. good thing jd picked me up on his way to school. problem is, i was supposed to sell my dollar when the bank would not accept it. i didn't know that i need to have an account to have my dollars sold. hello, it was the first time i went to a bank to sell my dollars. i usually go to the black market before. and i was supposed to the other day, but it was already 6pm when i remembered that i have to sell it for me to pay the (soaring) tuition.
anyway, i was in school, not knowing what to do with my dollars. i texted my friend, jen, to ask where i can sell it and she replied "sa harrison!"
again, scared to bring my dollars with me while walking to harrison (bear with the paranoia, it's manila for crying out loud!), i placed it inside my brief along with my 6K peso bills. hahahhahaha! i could only imagine the look on the face of the cashier if she knew where i kept it! lol...
so i was there, exchanged it, went back on a taxi. funny because the sidecars would charge 30 bucks for the distance from my school to harrison and a taxi ride only cost me 32.50! i was spared from the heat, pollution, and a near-death-experience. aannnd! with aircon! hahahaha!
i gave the taxi driver 105 pesos. he gave me 65.00. i demanded 70.00! hello! i am a struggling student who hasn't paid the tuition that was due way before last month! so sorry.

===================

o well, so it's raining tonight. it's kinda frustrating because i did my laundry, using my hands fyi, and when i got out to hang my clothes, it's freaking raining! dang-ness.

===================

i watched a documentary on the lives of filipino artists on i-witness. it somewhat inspired me to paint and draw again. a passion that i have sacrificed for quite a long time now.
i have a friend who will have a one-man show early next year. i'm envious of her. i want to have my one-man show, too! hell, if i can't star in my own play, at least let me have my own freaking one-man show! hahahaha.. well at least while watching it, i drew this.

nang naisipang magpinta ni anna

ciao!

i need something

i need something

i've been meaning to write for the longest time now. it's obvious that my posts here are more of a journal than an outlet for my creative writing juices.

my life has gone pfft in one week. no drama. no excitement. no hassles. no worries. it just makes me crazy doing nothing and worrying about nothing. not that i want all the drama i can possibly get. beneath all that, my mind is going haywire already in thinking that this is the calm before the storm. will it be? i hope not.

so. i've been trying very hard to write a letter to the elements. and maybe this week i'll make it through.

=========================

i've just found out, after going through everything on my blog, that my archives are not working! dang! i changed URL and those that were posted in my last URL (spicy-chicken-legs) would not open!! only those posts that were posted under the current URL are working. anyhoo, i'll see if i can fix that. i think i need to republish everything under this URL. omg. that's one and a half years of posts of rants, raves, poems, stories. that would take me forever! then again, i'm a bummer for two weeks. what else do i have to do?

=========================

and o, macy slept here last night. she slept here, too, last week for three straight days! and rr went here today, too! what have we got to do? they are still here and i'm thinking of going to my uncle's pub again for some beer and a night of videoke-ing. that sounded weird! hehe. videoke-ing.. hahahahahaha!

random pics

who let the monkey out?! woot!

me and my mane.. (not to mention the very wide forehead)

one more thing. if you wanna laugh your ass off go to this site.

-->[]<-- click this!

ciao!

victorious and unscathed

made it through. victorious and unscathed.

damn i made it. for the first time (and the very last chance) in my college life, i've reached a GPA of above 3!! woohoo!

after long weeks of almost sleepless nights and cramming and planning and squeezing of my brain for more and more ideas, i actually made it.

so yesterday, from noon to the early evening we were drinking. along with my brothers and friends. it was fun. and somewhat depressing, knowing that it will be the last of our academic term. i'm happy too because god answered my prayers for myself and for yuri.
yuri, after almost being sure of failing a subject or two, made it through conadev! *claps*

tomorrow i've got an interview. and this time, it's for smart. i hope my groupmates and i make it through. all hopes rests in Him.

anyway, i'm really sleepy even though it's just 2:30am. so bye for now. i just have nothing to do.

ciao!