dear you
so you ride the escalade. you stroll down the pathway with utter disregard to who you bump into, who you step onto. you play your own games, make your own rules. you have your own time to spend. you have your world to yourself. yes. you are a bonafide dying breed. so you think. you are no different from others whom you regard as scums or beggars. uh-huh, you are no different. so face the music. before the music faces you and makes you dance not on your own rhythm, not on your own count. and you will regret the day you knew what you think you knew.
you are no different.
on waiting
i must admit, i never liked waiting. but i must also admit, i often make people wait. but what is it in waiting that i never did like? i asked myself and all i was able to come up with are mere hypotheses and not answers themselves.
i get insecure when i wait. minsan iisipin ko, mamaya hintay ako ng hintay, wala na pala kong hinihintay. naghihintay sa wala. i hate that. but i think it's becoming a vicious cycle.
just when i thought that everything was ironed out to what i expected it to be, it turns out, the wrinkle on the cloth was far beyond what i usually see. at nakakainis pag nalaman mo na may sablay. second thing. maybe it is because i expect something to change what was doomed to be the way it is.
waiting gives me anxiety attacks, depression and even panic. and so many times, i ask myself if i've waitied enough or i have to wait yet a little longer. and just the thought of that makes me go haywire. how do you know? and the more important question is, WHEN will you know?
minsan naghihintay ka sa isang bagay, tapos may isang magandang bagay na dadating. dilemma. hihintayin mo pa ba yung hinihintay mo? or you would not pass the chance of taking what is infront of you? and dilemmang yan, sa tingin ko, ang pinakamahirap.
as for me? i am tired of waiting. tired of expecting. tired of asking myself lots and lots of questions that i don't even know how or when or what to begin with.
so right now, i, ****** bryan ******* reyes, will wait no longer.
i'm a stuffed lazy chicken
yep, i am. and i believe i've done one of the seven deadly sins - gluttony. well, yeah, you might think that i really don't eat anything. but, honestly, when i do, i REALLY do. until my tummy aches, my belt tightens and i feel light and dizzy. but still, i eat. for some reason, i think that i'm not getting the nutrition i needed so i chomp up everything.
today was no exception. i was invited by tita patsy to eat at Dad's. i have never eaten anything today except for my 5pm lunch which consisted of the boring cheeseburger and fries from the golden arches. so when i got there, i ate... and ate... and ate more...
then i saw jen.. haha.. i was supposed to go out for a yosi when i saw them. they looked so pathetic and almost on the verge of tears. i found out that jen's friend's heels got stuck to the metal thingy on the sidewalk and it broke off. haha.. and when i saw them, they were trying to get the other heel off the shoe. it was hilarious! jen even got a cut from the nail that held the heel to the shoe.. funny..
in retrospect, i missed my philhis class today. i was too lazy to come to class because it is in the freaky gokongwei building. fyi: weird people go there. think kristoffer raperoga and computers. gak!
so there's my lazy stuffed pig-chicken day..
ciao!
monday tidbits
well that's me for today..translation: mommy dear wasn't
able to send me the much needed finances last
week. but i'm still receiving
it this weekend.further explanation: i need some
time - again - to stall nanay.again, funny in a semi-pathetic way.
the fees
i was watching a tv program discussing the tuition fee(s) of schools, colleges and universities. it prompted me to look at my breakdown, which, fortunately for me, is available every term since it is one of the requirements for me to get the payment from cap, which in turn is losing money every second. whew.
you'll be surprised on how "creative" schools can get to get their tuition fee higher than the past semester, especially my beloved, de la salle university (animo la salle!)
looking at my breakdown, which i think is an ample word especially during the start of the term, of miscellaneous fees i found these things out.
trimestral regulation 350
i guess having the first trimestral system of education in country has its costs - literally. in the first place, who told them to make it a trimestral system rather than a semestral one?
student services 800
one thing i am grateful for studying in la salle is its very clean and well polished surroundings. but estimating that there are 10,000 students who pay 800 a semester (3 months), there is an available 8M for janitors and gardeners for 3 months. divided by 3 months and supposing there are 150 janitors, every janitor or gardener gets 17,777 a month. hmmm. those janitors are rich. otherwise, please explain to me the meaning of student services.
athletics 600
now this one really stunned me. i don't know if we are paying for those select-non-tuition-paying-but-very-sports-capable "fews" or we are paying for those dumb athletic jocks that was just recruited to reclaim the UAAP title. which is which? give me more reasons please.
alumni fees 50
i'm not an alumni but yet i pay their fees. and i heard alumni's even donatea whole building to the school. why pay?
achiever's fund 200
hmm, i think i can accept this as a "christian" thing to do - to help others who are capable of studying in such a premier school such as ours but not capable of paying the soaring tuition fees. but then again, how sure am i?
social action fee 100
social? what social? la salle is socially concerned? WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?! (sosyal siguro!) maybe that is for the posters that say "keep off the grass" or "please do not leave your things unattended"
PE development fund 200
i though i'm through with pe?! and i'm still paying? deng! and what is there to develop? a new "state of the art" gym complete with gold's-gym-like-clear-glass-windows, perhaps?
ID validation 35
as if paying your trimestral dues isn't enough, my precious school charges me every time i enter the level 4 university. i must admit, i feel good whenever i place that magnetic ID on top of the scanner and hearing that "toot" sound every time i enter, but paying for it?
so there are my university fees woes. please help me clarify these things.
and oh, isn't it ironic that the color of my school is exactly like the color of money?
ciao!
still can't believe it
shessh i can't sleep, knowing that i will cruise through (i hope) the first term this year and eventually graduate on december. everything is now falling into places. i never thought i'd get to this. especially now. but hey, i'm thankful. everything will be alright now.
aaannd! as of yesterday, i've reached my 3k visitor count! woohoo! thanks to those who bear with all my rants and raves and ups and downs and left and right and north and south and east and west, grade three, grade three is the best!
hurray!
i finally got my grade in finama for the summer term! 2.0!
it's not a 4.0 but hell, it's finama and it's 2.0! hurray!
they were supposed to be beautiful...
not for the faint hearted
i won the lottery!
not really. if miguel's yaya can win 10M in the lottery, i, too can win $100 from lolo. hahahahahhaha! my god, that hundred feels like a million, billion, gazillion, fafillion dollars especially now that i dont have any money.. literally.. haha..
the biggest surprise in the reyes clan
secrets lurk everywhere: among friends, office mates, classmates and most of all, among families. and just like any other families, the reyes clan holds far too many secrets. and im in the mood to tell you that one secret. that my aunt is gay. actually it's quite amusing because it is a screaming secret in itself. you'll be crazy not to notice it. heck, she has a girlfriend living with her in my lola's house. lola, a devout born again christian (you know how they can be oh so religious) does not see it at all. i dunno why. denial? how can she ever deny that? it's as clear as the scorching sun today.
but the secret i wanna share with you the most is this. lolo left for the US more than a decade ago. it was 1993 when we all last saw him. and this past months, there were rumors that he is coming back - only with a very special... uhmmm.. package. this "package" he met in the US and they are now living in together. there were talks, and i was among them, that this is happenning and how my tito's would swear that this "package" can never step, lest, go near the reyes compound. and luckily for them, and the "package", this never had to happen because last night, lolo came - alone. we were all surprised because we never, ever, expected it. but what the heck, he's here and were all happy. supposedly.
so i leave you now with that because i still have some things to do, one of which is to take a bath and start studying for my finama test tomorrow.
ciao!
life/love is overrated
life is unfair, life is cruel. love is unfair, love is cruel.
just when you thought that you have all the things going for you: a better than decent life, a career and a blossoming love life, life and all other things, especially love, comes 'round the corner and smacks you hard. just today, my cousin cheska, whom i consider to be my younger sister, came from the hospital because his boyfriend was stabbed on his side. apparently, they were on a jeep on their way home when a lady, using her cellphone then, was robbed. however, my cousin's boyfriend, mok, being a good citizen tried to stop the thief. the robber immediately stabbed him on the side and on the thigh. the jeepney driver rushed them immediately to the nearest hospital. right now, the doctors are draining all the blood in his lungs and i think he is in critical condition since the wound reached his lungs.
it was just days ago when i found out that cheska was dating mok. and i felt happy for them since i think, mok is cheska's first boyfriend. and now, cheska is in her room, speechless, because of the incident. i tried to console her by visiting her and ask about the condition of mok. i offered to bring her to the hospital tomorrow but she told me her friend was bringing her there already. she was on the verge of tears, eyes - red. i tried to talk but my emotions got the better part of me and i thought it was just best to pat her on the head and ask her to change since her pants were still stained with blood. i told her to rest.
the vision of the blood-stained jeans remained on my mind.
blood red for love. blood red for rage. blood red for anger.
life is unfair, life is cruel. love is unfair, love is cruel.
the dsl story
i have got to confess this. ever since the dsl was hooked up on my computer, i cannot stay away from it. not because of the internet or the usual chats i have with my barkada, but from downloading. gosh i never thought i'd be so addicted to it. limewire is now my third best pal in the house.
desperate downloading
it was not until my friend poch told me to download desperate housewives that i got stuck in it. i downloaded america's next top model (which i sell to my friends for only a low low price of 100 pesos for the whole series) and i also downloaded songs - lots of it.
can't take it anymore
however, because of too much downloading, my computer is now running slower than usual. actually, a lot slower than usual. so now, with 40 bucks on my pocket, i gotta run to cd-r king to buy me enough cd's that my money could afford. and did i say that i still have 2 days more of classes this week which leaves me with ZERO pesos for commuting purposes.
ciao!
japs is a liar
i missed school today. it sucks. i went to jap's inuman parteh last night. and i went there because she promised me to at least drive me to the nearest place where there are jeeps and cabs and buses. she lied. i ended up "sleeping" there at 5 in the moring. i never really slept. i woke up at 8 and went home by 10. it was a disaster. my head is spinning and my eyes are closing on itself already that i have to catch some sleep and miss my 1 pm class. dammit. i'll never believe that pig again! lol..
f*ck the weather
just last night, my lola just told me that our electricity bill for the month has reached a staggering 9,000 pesosesosesoses. gak! and that's not where it ends, she also told me that i should minimize - even stop using the aircon already. but i just said a flat out NO. gosh it is so friggin' hot!!!!!!! using the electric fan in my room is not even an issue. my windows do not open, when i open the door, mosquitoes will have a nightly feast on my semi-flawless body plus, who wants to sleep with the door open.. i just get paranoid sorry. actually i've tried using the electric fan at night, unfortunately for my hyper sensitive body, my sheets are all wet in a mere 10 minutes. imagine how soaked up i could get if i go on with it for 7+ hours. oh well enough about this ranting. just this last one..
read between the lies
it's burning like hell!
it's hot. hot yesterday, hot today, and hot tomorrow. hot at home, hot in school, hot outside and hot in the cabs. last night i almost freaked out when the (antique 20 year old) aircon refused to work. i was like, this can't happen to me! fortunately though, i was sane enough to open the AC unit and found out that the fan was just stuck. so i have to manually turn it for it to get cold. maybe it's because of the dust that's been accumulating for months on end. imagine i went to as far as praying over the AC unit for it to start. how pathetic is that. what's worse, my mind was going haywire because it wouldn't stop from thinking about checking in to a cheap motel just to get a night's sleep.
mom if ever you're reading this, is a desperate cry for help. i need new aircon!
ciao!
