just cuz

just cuz i'm bored but tired and it's august 21 and i'm sitting in front of the pc and photoshop is open.

peoplesupport

i just chatted with a former officemate and i suddenly, greatly, missed ps!

god, it's been a long time since i last thought of my days in ps. it was there where i started to become part of the working force of the philippines haha. after years of convincing myself that i would never work in a call center, i ended up having it as my first job! and i didn't have regrets doing it at all. it was there where i met friends that i still keep up to this day and i never thought we would last this long.

"thank you for calling expedia.com, this is matteo, is there a reservation i can help you with? "
LOL fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i remember we had to train for 2 months under kitch and shy -- who by the way are great trainers =) and we had nesting for about a week, i think. then after that, all hell broke loose. hahahahahaha...

i miss waking up at 3 in the morning and having a very good commute to work. i miss the cigarettes i take before my shift. i miss the taho. i miss talking to a bunch of stupid people. i miss being stalked hahaha. no really, this girl was really something. i miss the morning breaks. i miss expedia. i miss my supervisors. i miss my call being barged. i miss waiting for csa to finally pick up and do whatever it is that they do that i can't do LOL. i miss getting incentives (top 2 across centers! kamon kamon! top 1 si ivar). i miss the P1.00 coffee. i miss the free cocoa. i miss the soap and the neverending supply of toilet papers. i miss having lunch at 3 in the morning. i miss having lunch at 10. i miss the "toot" sound my access card makes. i miss the carpet. i miss the emails - the chatlook. i miss my long hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i miss the all-week gimik - we go out EVERY DAY. that's also where i experienced a gimik with my batchmates for 24 freaking hours!!!!!!!! i miss the utter freedom after work. i miss walking out of the building with a lot of friends in tow. i miss the haggardness of csat's. i miss seeing ps almost torn to pieces by one storm. i miss braving the storm just to be on time. i miss NEVER being late. i miss being young and carefree while working there. i miss daydreaming over hotels and vacation packages i'm booking for clients. i miss the culture in ps. i miss the emotions. i miss... i miss everything about it!

gawd, this is so nostalgic. i can still smell the distinct smell of the office, the background voices of people working, the clicking of the mouse and keyboard, and the financial freedom i had when i was working there.

le sigh.
friends in ps, i miss you sooooo much and i wish that we'd have the same experience as before. and until then, let's gimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!

this is our un-official theme song.. gawd i still remember hahaha.

ciao!

you wreak havoc sometimes

i'm getting better now. as bleak as the outlook a few months ago was, i knew i'd get here. it was freaking hard, and it still is hard.
i am managing now. i guess i was right in thinking that the best way to forget is to remember. i have to kill myself lots and lots of times for me to breathe again. i have to torture myself quite a number of times, too, to release all the emotions that i keep to myself.

there are times that i'm tired of even hoping for things to get better because of the rut i'm in and i'm still in the state of picking up the pieces without hurting myself in the process. i am now, conscious in moving forward (even before, i think i already was).

for now, i am alive in the in the knowledge that i will get there. and until then, you would have to be patient with me.

smoke

Leaf by Leaf page by page
Throw this book away
All the sadness all the rage
Throw this book away
Rip out the binding, tear the glue
All of the grief we never ever knew
We had it all along
Now its smoke
The things we've written in it
Never really happened
All of the people come and gone
Never really lived
All of the people have come have gone
No one to forgive smoke
We will never write a new one
There will not be a new one
Another one, another one
Here's an evening dark with shame
Throw it on the fire
here's the time I took the blame
Throw it on the fire
Here's the time we didn't speak
it seemed for years and years
Here's a secret
No one will ever know
the reasons for the tears
They are smoke
Where do all the secrets live
They travel in the air
You can smell them when they burn
They travel
Those who say the past is not dead
Stop and smell the smoke
You keep on saying the past is not dead
Come on and smell the smoke
You keep saying the past is not even past
You keep saying
We are, smoke

ciao!

flavors of entanglement

because music is my saviour and alanis is a demi-god with india arie as her headpiece and mika, her jester, i give you life in cartoon motion with flavors of entanglement, and you know that's the heart of the matter.

(turn off my site's sound on the right panel)

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
-- the heart of the matter

I've never let my grasp soften fingers like this...
I declare a moratorium on things relationship
I declare a respite from the toils of liaison
I do need a breather from the flavors of entanglement
I declare a full time out from all things commitment
-- moratorium

These versions of violence
Sometimes subtle sometimes clear
And the ones that go unnoticed
Still leave their mark once disappeared
-- versions of violence

Day one, day one
Start over again
Step one, step one
I'm barely making sense
For now I'm faking it
'Til I'm pseudo-making it
From scratch, begin again
But this time I as "I"
And not as "we"
-- not as we

am dancing with my friends in elation
We’ve taken adventures to new levels of fun
I can feel the bones are smiling in my body
I can see the meltings of inhibition
Oh this state of ecstasy
Nothing but road could ever give to me
This liberty wind in my face
And I’m giggling again for no reason
-- giggling for no reason

I am someone easy to leave
Even easier to forget
A voice, If inaccurate
Again, I’m the one they all run from
Diatribes of clouded Sun
Someone help me find the pause Button
-- tapes

One day I'll find relief
I'll be arrived
And I'll be friend to my friends who know how to be friends
One day I'll be at peace
I'll be enlightened and I'll be married with children and maybe adopt
One day I will be healed
I will gather my wounds forge the end of tragic comedy
-- incomplete

These are things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this
-- torch

Cos it's all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
Take a bow, play the part of a lonely lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in
-- any other world

Don't let the stars get you down.
Don't let the waves let you drown.
Brown...Oh Billy Brown.
Gonna pick you up like a paper cup.
Gonna shake the water out of every nook.
Oh Billy Brown.
-- billy brown

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together...
This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' every day
-- happy endings

'Cause I don't care if I ever talk to you again.
This is not about emotion,
I don't need a reason not to care what you say,
Or what happened in the end.
This is my interpretation,
And it don't, don't make sense.
-- my interpretation

flavors of entanglement is alanis' newest album after her breakup from ryan reynolds. it's not the alanis i'm used to - with some electric and synth tracks (moratorium). rather, this album speaks more of (her) grief than angst.
life in cartoon motion left me speechless because it was one of the most played albums in my ipod. but it is just this week that i actually "heard" the songs' lyrics. it baffled me, but after a few seconds of disbelief, i loved it even more.
india arie is india arie. this is a cover, though, of don henley's (eagles) song. but i like her version better.

ciao!

dear diary,

nakakainis lang.

atchaka nakakafrustrate.

yun lang.

bbye.

i'm freaking out

i think i'm going crazy. i swear.

just a few minutes ago, i just came out of the bath. my routine after taking a shower is to sit down in front of the big mirror i have in my room and just dry myself in front of the fan. at this point, i usually check my face out in the mirror and see how good looking i am (i think it's the sign of me being crazy). suddenly, for no apparent reason, i. just. could. not. stop. laughing. jeeezeee!!

it's not just the laugh one makes when one realized one has done something stupid. it's the kind of laugh that you almost cannot control. i reached the point that i was laughing so hard and my stomach is hurting and that i was on the floor.

my friends, this is serious. i think i'm going crazy. i think i'm becoming a schizo.

=(

battle of who could care less

i know i posted ben folds five before. but for reasons unknown to me, it's just today that downloaded ALL their songs. at wala na yatang tatalo pa sa pagka-emo ng mga kanta nila. kahit upbeat, umi-emo ang level ng lyrics nila. heniway, aside from my favorite evaporated, listen to this! astig lang!

Do you not hear me anymore
I know its not your thing
-- To care
I know its cool to be so bored
But it sucks me in when you're aloof
It sucks me in, it sucks it works
I guess its cool to be alone

Will you never rest
Fighting the battle of who
Could care less
Every day you wake up late
Sometimes I wish I was
That way

see, i told you they're great!

in other news, since today is a monday, i once again appointed myself as the aliping namamahay for the whole day. my lower back and my legs are killing me right now. i was on an ironing-happy self again and i ironed out all the clothes i can lay my hands on. ayan, ang sakit tuloy. plus, hinabol ko pa yung laba ko na naiwan last week because of the weather. if there's one thing i don't like about rainy days ('coz i LURV rainy days), it's the fact that i can't hang my clothes out in the sun to dry. boooh.

'yun lang poH. hanggang d2 nlng poH ang ME. sana POH nagenjoy ang U para MXEA.
tahngenahngshiyeht. (bigkasin ng parang am-boy)

ciao!

can

it's rare that i thank my friends on here. so let me just do a quick shout out to a few of my friends.
thanks tin for being the sounding board, chopping board, diving board, ironing board. thanks macky for being there for everything -- including baguio haha. thanks rr for trusting me with everything and for the company lagi sa bahay. thanks officemates for keeping me busy and insanely grounded for a very long time.

in other news, allow me to share you this. a complete tearjerker -- and one of the greatest love stories ever.

kleenex alert!

When Rick Hoyt was 15, he communicated something to his father that changed both their lives. "Dad," the mute quadriplegic wrote in his computer after his father pushed him in a wheelchair in a five-kilometer race, "I felt like I wasn't handicapped."

Rick, now 37, has had cerebral palsy since birth. But he has always been treated simply as one of the family, included by his now-divorced parents in almost everything brothers Rob and Russell did.

"They told us to put Rick away, in an institution, (because) he's going to be nothing but a vegetable for the rest of his life," his father remembers.

"We said, 'No, we're not going to do that. We're going to bring Rick home and bring him up like any other child,'" says Dick Hoyt, 59, a retired lieutenant colonel with the Air National Guard. "And this is what we have done."

- Source: CNN

08.08.08

08-08-08

they said it's gonna be a lucky day. some said it's unlucky.
all i know is that this is such a boring friday. boooo.

i'm stuck watching all 200+ countries parade in the olympic opening ceremony.

snippets

i'm a bit overwhelmed, to be completely honest. i'm sure, though, that this is just what people call "cold feet."

*

can you stop being in my dreams? may the earth crack open and eat you up, instead. no, really.

*

thanks! buti na lang.

*

i was pleasantly surprised that you took it well. i was actually prepared to do something drastic should you do something other than agree with what i said. i told you the truth and you were really good about it. for that, thank you for making it much easier. i was also relieved and happy that things after this, have not changed -- well at least, as far as i can see/feel. i really wish you well and i hope to see those changes soon.

*

this is all exciting. although i know that this is just because i have not done anything... yet. i wish that this does not disappoint. soon, i'll see and i'm sure i'll figure something out. i may not be completely ready but i'm sure with what i'm doing now.

*

i still do. though, i'm not so sure if it will fade. but really, i still do.

sick

cycle carousel.


I tried to climb your steps,
I tried to chase you down,
I tried to see how low I could get to down to the ground,
I tried to earn my way,
I tried to change this mind,
You better believe that I tried to beat this.
When will this end, it goes on and on
Over, and over, and over again.
Keep spinning around I know it won't stop,
Till I step down from this for good

I never thought I'd end up here
I never thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this,
I guess I was wrong
Now one more time

short breaks and 6 degrees

by far, this is the most exhausting monday/rest day i ever had. i'm not even done and it's almost 11pm.
one of the many things that ticked me off today was the weather. i finished doing my laundry and i can't hang it outside to dry. it was not raining AT ALL earlier today. so i have no choice but to iron each shirt for it to dry most easily. the same happened to m'bunch. the first time in many months that i bathed her and i can't blow dry her on the terrace. so i ended drying her on the stairs. booo. good thing was, for some weird reason, there were literally no pet hairs flying around. and only a few pet hairs were stuck in the brush. hmmm...

in other news, i first heard about this news a long time ago. i didn't know if i should believe it or just pass it off as one of the many urban myths that we have today. read: we are connected by 6 degrees!

In a world of 6.6 billion people, it does seem hard to believe. The theory of six degrees of separation contends that, because we are all linked by chains of acquaintance, you are just six introductions away from any other person on the planet.

But yesterday researchers announced the theory was right - nearly. By studying billions of electronic messages, they worked out that any two strangers are, on average, distanced by precisely 6.6 degrees of separation. In other words, putting fractions to one side, you are linked by a string of seven or fewer acquaintances to Madonna, the Dalai Lama and the Queen...

... Researchers at Microsoft studied records of 30 billion electronic conversations among 180 million people in various countries, according to the Washington Post. This was 'the first time a planetary-scale social network has been available,' they observed.

-- Read Source

cool no?

ciao.