Monday, January 29, 2007

im officially at a loss


... kung ito ay isa'ng laro lamang, time first muna.
... kung ang buhay ay isang
humaharurot na jeepney, paki sabi sa tsuper, "PARA," bababa muna ako.

Friday, January 26, 2007

news tidbit

tidbits

daming nangyari. pero katulad ng sinabi ko sa mga kasamahan ko sa trabaho, manhid na ko.

+++++++++++

i'm addicted to red pesto. i eat it together with skyflakes. i cooked pasta with it. i ate garlic bread with it. fish and rice and red pesto. meat and rice and red pesto. corned beef and rice and red pesto. hotdog and pesto. everything with pesto. as if it's cheap. i should make one. cherry tomatoes, olive oil, basil.

+++++++++++

i'm getting fatter by the minute. everyone this week has been dropping comments about my weight. i should watch myself. but i just love carbs.

+++++++++++

i just spent 70 worthless pesos just for overdue charges for my vcd rental. tae.

+++++++++++

i tried photoshop again. inisip ko lang na i should do whatever i want to do again. yung gusto ko talaga at hindi dahil kailangan. eto siya.


+++++++++++

everday na siguro ako naglu-look forward sa family reunion in june sa dumaguete. i'm hella excited. sana lang nga matuloy ang lahat.

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i hate it when people don't say "thank you." how can those two words be so hard to say. wala namang bayad yun eh.

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i hate the MRT. wala silang tinitindang stored value tickets. ayan araw araw tuloy akong pumipila. nakikipagsiksikan sa mga tao. mas pagod pa ko sa commute ko araw araw minsan kesa sa trabaho mismo.

+++++++++++

eto yung mga nakuha ko sa text na natuwa ako.

i've realized that life is indeed full of contradictions. sometimes it's crazy to be sane. you need to fall to fly. people suffer because you care. you have to unlearn to know the lesson. you have to give up just because you are strong. you have to be wrong to make things right. nonetheless, life's complexities are also life's source of beauty. we should cry to laugh again, fall apart to be whole again. and get hurt to love again.

here's another wave of self appreciation. another batch of solicited texts.

eros - co-worker

bryan is my friend/supervisor/kalandian
i met him at *****
i like him because down to earth siya. sobrang down to earth siya abot hell na nga sa sobrang down
wala pa naman akong inaayawan sa kanya SA NGAYON
one thing ill never forget about him is yung pangaabuso niya sakin
bagay sila ni *ap**
my message for him is thanks and goodluck, pahirapan ba ko?

macel - co-worker

bryan is my idol
i met him at work
i like him because he's makulit
i hate him because he has a butt nicer than mine
one thing i'll never forget about him is everything!
bagay sila ni a**e* **cs**?!
my message for him is to get an insurance for his butt and get some sleep.
AT MAGPATULOG KA NAMAN! MASAYA KA NA?!
stay nice and true!

erika - girl friend

bryan is my best guy buddy
i met him in taft
i like him because he's always available
i hate him coz he's selfish (doesnt wanna share himself to others)
one thing ill never forget about him is his poetry
bagay sila ni wala
my message for him is: bry wag ka malandi! mahal kita alam mo yun! but you can never have me. haha thanks for everything!

isa pa:
  • does jennifer love hewitt?
  • where did vincent van gogh?
  • is marvin gaye?
  • why is norman black?
  • where did sandara park?
  • is chow yun fat?
  • what did henry sy?
  • why is alonzo mourning?
  • is lucio tan?
  • when will orlando bloom?
  • what did scooby doo?
  • is the birthstone of kevin garnett?
  • what is victoria's secret?
  • kapag namili ba si manny pacquiao?

ciao!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

two bedroom apartment

two bedroom apartment

my gulay. everytime i come home from work i'm even more stressed. the house is ONE BIG MESS. i mean i do make my own kalat and it's my fault. but i need someone to help me out even at least once a week. just to help me maintain it. i'm not even making an excuse when i say that i'm tired whenever i get home from work. work is just physically demanding at times and tending to my mess at home is another burden i think i just cannot do alone.

sometimes, whenever i start to clean the house, i sit in one corner trying to make a list of to-do's. and between to-do number 1 and to-do number 2, my mind starts to drift and think about repainting, fixing, renovating, and even getting a new place which will bring me back to reality, HEY! WITH THE SALARY YOU'RE GETTING, WHY EVEN BOTHER THINKING?! haay nako. i'm tired.

i'll humiliate myself if i say that there's a leak in my kitchen from the third floor; that every morning i have to wipe the floor and not think about this smell that's coming from the leak. DAMMIT.

the terrace is another fucking mess. the whole building was repainted and along with that the painter made one big fucking mess and left it there. i don't even have the energy to look at it.

i'm getting tired of these. putangfuckingshet.

ciao.

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

masaya ba?

pano mo ba malalamang masaya ka talaga? do we choose to be happy? or happinness chooses us? or do we have to find happinness itself?

mga isang linggo ko nang iniisip kung talagang masaya ako. iniisip ko minsan na masaya ako. iniisip ko rin minsan na hindi na ko masaya. madali sanang isipin na kung hindi ako masaya, pipilitin kong maging masaya. pero inisip ko na kung pinilit kong maging masaya, di ba't ibig sabihin nun ay di talaga ako masaya?

i was transferred to another location and i don't know if what i'm feeling right now is the result of another adjustment or baka naman talagang hindi ako para sa mga tao doon. the work load is the same. the things i'm doing is the same. but i'm no longer happy. although everyday i'm making new friends, it's still the feeling of emptiness. yung parang ginagawa mo lang ang mga bagay para lang sa gawin mo sila.

siguro ganun talaga sa umpisa. hindi ko lang maalala kung naramdaman ko rin ito sa una kong trabaho at lugar na pinagtatrabahuhan. siguro rin katulag ng nauna ko nang sinabi, i need new things to do. to keep me on my feet. to let me creative juices flow.

sa totoo lang, may mga taong napaplastikan ako doon. pag kaharap mo ngiting ngiti at parang walang kaproble-problema. pero alam na alam ko na hindi ganun ang sitwasyon. may pakpak ang balita, may tenga ang lupa. the word gets around.

wala rin itong koneksyon sa nauna kong post dito noong na-issue-han ako ng warning. dahil sa umpisa pa lang, naramdaman ko na ito at pinagisipan ko na rin ito.

o well, let's see kung aayos ang mga bagay bagay. pinagdarasal ko lang na matapos na ang training ko at magsimula na para tapos na rin ang mga ito.

Friday, January 5, 2007

nakakahiya

nakakahiya

grabe ang araw na to! pinakahihiya kong araw sa tanang buhay ng pagtatrabaho ko.

kahapon nakakuha ako ng disciplinary evaluation sheet. ngayong araw ko lang siya pinirmahan at kasama nito ang letter of explanation ko. sabi ko, mahirap kasi kumuha ng masasakyan minsan sa lugar namin. kung sa totoo lang, walang halong traffic at walang halong katarantaduhan ng driver, aabutin lang ng 15 minutes magmula ng bahay namin papunta sa trabaho. pag may traffic mga 30 minutes. pag sinwerte ako ng rally sa makati o kaya ng mga oras na wala talagang masasakyan, isang oras. may kasalanan din ako dahil hindi ko talaga maestimate ang tamang oras ng pag-alis ko sa bahay sa pagdating ko sa trabaho. sa makatuwid, sinabi ko ang mga problema dun sa letter pero inamin ko rin ang kakulangan ko. okay lang naman sakin ang isang DES.

kaninang umaga, gumising ako ng 7:30 at sinimulang plantsahin ang isusuot ko. naiinis ako kasi ang layo ng bago kong location. at dahil bago rin ako, hindi ko nanaman maestimate ng mabuti kung gano talaga katagal ang magmula ng bahay papunta ng trabaho. binigyan ko ng isang oras. umalis ako ng bahay ng 9. dumating ako ng 10 empunto. ok lang ulit. kasi umabot naman sa takdang oras. pero matapos ang isang oras ng pamamalagi sa opisina, nalaman ko na 1230 pala ang shift ko. kaya't nainis ako nang nasayang ang oras ko sa wala. sinuong ko ang pagcommute sa jeep na mausok at pagpila sa MRT. putangina talaga. pagod, pawisin, at mabaho ako pag ganun lagi ang umaga ko.

sabi ko sa sarili ko, ok lang. eh ano naman kung maaga ako. at least, hindi ako late.

nagkamali ako. pagkatapos ng lunch break ko, umupo lang ako sa pantry para magpahinga. i was completely not sleepy pero pinatong ko lang ang ulo ko sa mesa sa pantry. nagpatunog pa nga ako para lang ma relax. naririnig ko lang ang mga taong nagkukuwentuhan sa likod ko at alam ko pa rin ang mga nangyayari sa paligid. pero pucha yung gulat ko nung ginising ako ng isa sa supervisor. tinignan ko ang relos ko. puta talaga! hindi ko alam kung pano ko nakatayo ng ganun kabilis at sobrang hiyang hiya ako. trenta minutos na pala akong naka "tulog." walang wala pa ko sa wisyo nung sinabihan ako ng isa sa supervisor "i need to talk to you in the office" nanliit ako sa hiya noon sobra. pumasok ako sa opisina ng supervisor ng pinipilit na gisingin ang sarili ko. para kasing hindi ko alam ang mga nangyayari dahil sa pagka "gising" ko. habang kinakausap niya ko, pikit ako ng pikit at pilit na tinatanggal ang kalabuan ng mata ko dahil nadaganan ko ito ng sobra siguro. basta ang naalala ko sabi niya kinausap niya raw yung trainer namin at sinabing kailangan akong issue-han nanaman ng panibagong DES.

MAGALING. MAGALING. MAGALING.

sobrang hiyang hiya talaga ako nung panahon na yun. basta ang naalala kong sabi ko nalang "hindi talaga ako inaantok mam. hindi ko talaga alam na nakatulog na ko. hindi rin naman ako puyat." at maraming maraming sorry. NAKAKAHIYA. lalo pa kong nahiya nung nakita ko yung reason for the DES ko.
SLEEPING WHILE ON DUTY.
pucha..............................................

nung umaga pa naman sabi ko sa trainor ko na pagbubutihin ko. parang nag worry pa nga daw siya kasi parang hindi raw ako ang kinikilos ko. sabi ko ok lang ako. tapos wala pang isang araw may panibagong DES nanaman ako. wala akong masabi kundi ang sobrang kahihiyan na ginawa ko para sa sarili ko.

wala akong ibang excuse sa nangyari ngayong araw na to. nakakahiya ako.

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

keeping the ball rolling

keeping the ball rolling this 2007


the eye
some window in greenbelt 4

i want to start this year by saying what i want to say. well, much like what i have done the past few years of my blogging existence. here it goes.

i have received comments not only posted here but said to me personally about my post "silang mga customers." a lot of people told me that it was quite an arrogant post. some told me it was very keen of me to have those observations.

i would want to comment on it myself.

first of all, i wrote that entry with an honest thought of just having mere observations posted on my blog. i intended it to be a writing of one's observation of the things that one sees. i, however, did not intend it to be aggressive, boastful, unkind, irritating, or even condescending.

with that post, i was merely stating facts. never in that entry did i say that being classified under the jologs is bad or negative. for we all know, WE ALL LOVE SALES AND DISCOUNTS. but i will definitely stand my ground when it comes to the other categories like "feeling mayaman" and/or "nagmamaganda/nagmamagwapo." no other reasons needed.

i am unhappy that those observations came off as being arrogant and aggressive, both of which were unintentional. however, it makes me happier to know that i am affecting people with what i write. more than that, the time they spend in reading my seemingly boring entries and even more time to send in their comments or tell me what they think. both of which are GREATLY appreciated. believe me, in this very cluttered world of blogging, i am pleased that, still, a few people take their time to read my POV. which also leads me to another point. this is MY blog. and if i piss people off because of my opinions, observations or whatever is posted here, my sincerest apologies. there are a lot of more talented writers out there to read about, a lot of other things to read about and a lot of other ideas to read about.

with that said, i like to think that, believe it or not, we are all being labeled of what we do, what we think, what we are, how we act, how we do, how we think, where we are, and how we are. but we create our own molds. we always have the freewill as to what we are going to be or how we are going to be. i also like to think that this mold, however it tries to contain us, can never define us. it is always up to us to break out of those labels, connotations, and categories and go out of our shells, so to speak.

and that's my POV.

cheers to another year of sometimes fearless, sometimes opinionated, sometimes boring, sometimes grammatically incorrect, sometimes profound, and sometimes senseless blogging!

ciao!