just a post

just a post

hullo. i'm blogging just to get this posted. i'm still having second-guesses with my work. whatever. who doesn't experience that. but i'm ok. to those of you who are getting worried every minute, well not exactly, just concerned, i'm OK. just wanted to get pent up emotions out of my systems and let it out in the open. and thank you for the pat on the back. greatly appreciated. :)

segue to: the pictures in my phone. had to remove most of the pics because my memory card is crap. in which case, 4 pictures on my blog. i know i'm totally senseless now because my fingers are the only ones moving. blaaahhh yadda yaddaaaaa...

ruffa, here is the pic that you wanted.

this is eros and myself. and that is not a metaphor of some sort. it's her real name. but, i wanna share with you a funny story. we wear name plates. her name plate says MARIZ. she's eros. i asked her if that's her real name. she said no. turns out they just ran out of name plates and couldn't make a new one so they just gave her mariz's (whoever she is) name plate. funny, no? hahaha... and eros brightens my day everyday. magkalevel kami ng katarantaduhan at kagaguhan nyahahahaha... and no. not an item. she's more like... my pet. hahaha joke lang eros!

she's christine. one of the nicest people you'll meet. cheerful one, too!

doesn't show in the pic, though. bad photographer, bad photographer!

yun lang po. bow.

ciao!

pagmulat ni fernan

pagmulat ni fernan

imumulat ko ang aking mga mata.
nais ko sanang makakita.
gigisingin ko ang aking diwa
sa pagiisip na ako'y makaramdam.

hihimukin ko
ang bawa't kalamnan ng aking katawan
upang sumayaw

sa bawat kumpas ng panahon.

babangon at maglalakad
sa isang kalsadang baliko.

pipilitin ko,
mabigat man ang mga ito, ang aking mga paa
sa bawat paghakbang patungo kung saan,
hindi ko pa alam.

itataas ang mga kamay
sa kalangitan habang ako'y magdarasal
ng ulan sa tigang na lupa.

ayaw ko nang malingat.
ayaw ko nang makatulog.

sa aking kamay hahablutin
ang mga gapos. ako'y pakakawala.
hibang man kung ituring
sa wakas,

ako na ay malaya.

this choice

this choice

i was supposed to post this last december 1. pero nawalan naman ako ng internet...

=================================

i am not feeling well. physically and mentally, uh-uh.
i'm feeling this weird pain on my lower-left abdominal area and also the lower part of my body. it began last week and still is now. not worse though, but not even slightly better. i am not sure if what i'm experiencing on the physical level is the effect of my mental and emotional stress. my current job (and for the next two years) is not really 100% mentally demanding. but i have to be on my mental best most of the time. after all, all eyes are on my ass.

today, i can say that i am physically and mentally drained. the energizer bunny has just ran out of batteries... and the thought that i'll be doing this for two years exhausts me more.

with all these running through my head right now, i am now (for second time, dammit) questioning my choices. i mean, let's just put it this way, i want to be so many things, i want to do so many things and i also get bored easily. i am now thinking that, maybe, my problem is that i just cannot stay in one place and do the same thing for more than two seconds. and that is what's killing me right now.

i think the best thing someone can do for me right now is to grant me a week long rest. because frankly, comparing this current job to my last job and, to say the least, the past 20 years of my existence, i think i am in a state of shock.

but whatever is running through my head and body right now, well, tomorrow's a new day.

just a thought to ponder on.

ciao!