i thought of not continuing in posting this because the conversation is a little too private. but my friend told me that i should push through with it. which i gladly obliged.
anyway, backgrounder: my friend was depressed for a little while now. we exchange IM's once in a while to unload some pent up emotions. i asked my friend the reason for his/her anger and told him/her to just let it out. which he/she did. turned out to be one of the best conversations i had in years.
** this is taken straight from the window and i had little patience editing it :) **
(his/her text in red)
well i hate Him for taking my dad. i hate Him for making my life like this. i hate him for not giving me a chance to say sorry and make up my mistakes sa dad ko. i hate him dahil yung mga plans nya is bullshit.
sabi nila may purpose sa bawat galaw nya, wala akong nkikitang purpose.
i hate him for making a perfect relationship fail. i hate her for cheating on me. i hate her for still loving me even though she's with someone else now. i hate her bcoz she cant move on. i hate her kasi pinaglaban ko sya sa buong pamilya ko.. sinaktan ko tatay ko, nirisk ko yung relationship namin ng dad ko for her and this is what i get?
i hate myself for doing every stupid thing i did. i hate myself for not having a good relationship with my dad who gave me everything.
AND I HATE THE FACT THAT I CANT TURN BACK TIME AND DO THINGS THE RIGHT WAY ALL OVER AGAIN.
IM LOSING IT BRY.
di kona kya.. gsto ko ng pumutok... ayoko na
He took your dad because his mission is done
no! what mission???
He took your dad because he loves him and he doesn't want him to get hurt by the world anymore. his mission is to be a good father, a good provider, a good person. he did everything he can to be that.
no bry.. u know himdi tottoo yan...
he might lack some things that others cannot understand. but we are all humans. humans are doomed for mistakes. but the good thing about it is he was able to do good things to make up for it.
i spent my whole life w/o my father by my side. alam mo yan. he only gave me a year to be with him. and that year was even rough for us.
every father has to do the things he thinks he can to provide best for his family.
hindi lng kasi yung pag pprovide ang kailngan ko eh! lagi nman yan ang cnasabi sa akin bry
and he also believed that you'd turn out to be a better person, and we all appreciate that. because in his heart, he only wants everyone around him especially his family to be well taken care of.
di pa nya ako inantay kahit sa ICU lng bry,,, just for me to talk to him while he was breathing
love can be demonstrated in many ways. love can be spending time. love can be providing things. love can be many things.
he believed that love he gave for your family. his spirit wanted to say goodbye to you but his body failed him
no bry..
and as much as he would want to make his body better, it would only be difficult for him
people who are dying can wait.. they control everything
because if he says goodbye forever, it will only break him more
if they wanna go they will..
he loves you that much. he saw that you were decided to make a better life for yourself. and that was his dream for you - to be responsible and to learn how to take care of yourself. the mind may be thinking of another thing but humans are contained in their bodies. no matter what others say, we could only go so far as our physical bodies will permit us.
bry, ayaw ba nya ako makita magtapos? ayaw ba nya akong mkita ikasal ako? ayaw ba nyang makita what i'll be in 10 yrs?
he wanted to so much. and he will. and he will be forever happy if he sees you happy, too. your father left you when you were headstrong to become fully responsible and mature. and i believe you would not fail him.
saying goodbye is awful. saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do especially knowing that that is the last goodbye you'll ever say. but in this life, we have to say goodbye.
your father is happy where he is now. i think that is the last lesson he wants to teach you - and that is learning how to let go. let go of the material things that hold you back. let go of the friendships that you lost. let go of the situations that have hurt you. let go of the many things that causes you pain. let go of the people you love.
because it is only in letting go that you are given the chance and the power to finally say goodbye and start anew. it is in letting go that you truly demonstrate your love to that person that you wouldn't hold the person back.
it is in letting go that makes you stronger than you are. holding on to history holds us back because we all know that life goes on. if you're holding back, you're holding back the time that can give you the opportunity to be happy, to be content, to love, to be loved, and to be at peace with what happened.
i want to cry so hard. but i just can't
like i said, it's hard.
i dont wna say na "yeah ok.. i forgive them, ill move on. ill let go" when the truth is, i dont. i wont
yes that is the reality. you have to give it time. you just have to. but as they say, time heals all wounds
how long will it take??
nobody can say
pagod na pgod na ako bry
maybe until you are strong enough, then thats how long it is
panu ka nakamove on kay tito??
honestly, i dont know too. but i know it took a lot of prayers. i was never the perfect son kaya nahirapan din ako. in fact, nag away pa kami on that fateful day. buti have to forgive myself and give it time.
i cnt pray bry yun nga masakit nun bry eh. we were not in good terms when he left. i feel everythings a karma. i think he took him bcoz of me. maybe to realize things; to realize how important he is in my life.. for me to learn how to live w/o him.
i feel so guilty
do you think god really hurts people to learn their lesson?!
if only i cud turn back the time.. i dunno bry.. im taking this in a different way i guess. or i just stil cant accept the fact na he's gone
i know and i understand. the pain and the hurt is just too much sometimes
my once happy life is gone
it is not gone. it only means that a chapter of your life needs continuance.
write it. we write your own destiny. and i know you will.
lam ko nman lahat yan bry.. msyado lng tlgang malalim yung pinaggagalingan
yeah i know. kailagnan mo lang paalalahanan. to tell you honestly, this weekend was my lowest. buti nalang nakausap ko mommy ko. and natauhan ako.
wla akong means.
we all do.
i feel so alone here.
alone, stupid, angry... parang feeling ko never ending
yeah. i understand naman eh. gawin mong reinforcement yang lungkot mo. you still have your mother. no matter what you say, you still have her.
nandito nga si mami pero wla din sya lagi sa isip. di makapagtrabaho. laging may sakit. laging malungkot. laging frustrated. laging nagse-self pity. di ko alam kung san pa ako huhugot ng lakas ng loob. everyone's down.. lahat bagsak. lahat parang pagod n pagod. parang wlang mgyyri sa buhay nmin. hindi na magiging katulad ng dati when my dad was alive.
everything changed. im so tired na bry.. maybe bcoz of crying
stop for a minute. take a look around.
what? i have nothing
you said everything around you is down. so you better pick up the sword and wage your own battles. help one casualty at a time. but remember to help yourself first before you try to carry others.
its so hard bry..
yeah i know. hindi naman madali eh. alam ko naman yun. life is never easy.
just thinking about my problems,,, wla pa yung solutions ha. mahirap na
eh kasi sabi mo nga diba your'e looking at your problems. you know about it already. stop looking at the problem and start trying out solutions.
alam mo yung pag math problem diba. nose bleed siya talaga. dahil pagod ka na mag isip, titignan mo nalang siya ng titignan.
but the question is, would you wait for the bell to ring? or is it better to look at the book, on how its supposed to be done? or remember what was written on the board, when you were solving the problem with the class? or would it better for you to solve it together with a friend?
gets mo naman diba
copy from others
then do it! life is not fair so you make your own rules. but you must remember, naka-set ang exam. so different problem yung nasayo. iba iba kayo ng problems.
solving with a friend?
(in fairness, i like that metaphor! haha!)
yeah i liked it too. wla nman akong friend.
then think of your friends. a friend is someone you get to know. someone who is more than an acquaintance
kaya nga
so sa dami ng tao jan, the chances of you making friends are endless. and you have us pa kaya!
how can u guys help me then?? e ang layo2 nyo. argh,,,,
what am i doing here?
giving sermons
hehehee
haha im not! im trying to help you - being your sounding board. im helping you realize that no matter what's happening, you are still lucky.
you have a roof on your head, you have a mother. your father might be gone, but imagine the kids who never knew their fathers? who never knew their mothers? who never experienced material things? who never went to school? who never knew love from parents?
diba? in more ways than one, you are still lucky. we are still lucky!
yeah.. lam ko..
so you still have your tools. as tools you have to learn how to use it. so you better start practicing it now bago sila mangalawang or bago pa mawala ang lahat ng yan
bry.. grabe mga examples mo ha..
o diba nasapian ako! haha!
san mo nakukuha nanman yan? frustrated writer?? wow.. thanks for the words of wisdom then,,
pero you have to see what im saying
i did..
ive been there and again, i know that it hurts
a little relieved btw...
yay! good! just pray. bibigyan ka niya ng sagot. pramis!
when? after 10 yrs.. pag maayos na yung buhay ko, when i can stand on my own.. n people begin to say its all in his plan??
like every story... ryt?
its up to you. 10 years can be 20, 30. but it can also be 1 month. a week.
lets put it dis way... he'll give me an ans in his time? tama ako noh???
cummon..
i dont believe that eh. what i believe is he always gives us answers. we just dont want to see/try/acknowledge it
an2k na ako bry thanks for the time buti na lng nandyan ka.
im always here. were all here
--------
so it ends there.
ciao!
anyway, backgrounder: my friend was depressed for a little while now. we exchange IM's once in a while to unload some pent up emotions. i asked my friend the reason for his/her anger and told him/her to just let it out. which he/she did. turned out to be one of the best conversations i had in years.
** this is taken straight from the window and i had little patience editing it :) **
thought bubble: i just hope i can take my own advice. it's so easy for me to share advices when, sometimes, i can't even do it. :-(
(his/her text in red)
well i hate Him for taking my dad. i hate Him for making my life like this. i hate him for not giving me a chance to say sorry and make up my mistakes sa dad ko. i hate him dahil yung mga plans nya is bullshit.
sabi nila may purpose sa bawat galaw nya, wala akong nkikitang purpose.
i hate him for making a perfect relationship fail. i hate her for cheating on me. i hate her for still loving me even though she's with someone else now. i hate her bcoz she cant move on. i hate her kasi pinaglaban ko sya sa buong pamilya ko.. sinaktan ko tatay ko, nirisk ko yung relationship namin ng dad ko for her and this is what i get?
i hate myself for doing every stupid thing i did. i hate myself for not having a good relationship with my dad who gave me everything.
AND I HATE THE FACT THAT I CANT TURN BACK TIME AND DO THINGS THE RIGHT WAY ALL OVER AGAIN.
IM LOSING IT BRY.
di kona kya.. gsto ko ng pumutok... ayoko na
He took your dad because his mission is done
no! what mission???
He took your dad because he loves him and he doesn't want him to get hurt by the world anymore. his mission is to be a good father, a good provider, a good person. he did everything he can to be that.
no bry.. u know himdi tottoo yan...
he might lack some things that others cannot understand. but we are all humans. humans are doomed for mistakes. but the good thing about it is he was able to do good things to make up for it.
i spent my whole life w/o my father by my side. alam mo yan. he only gave me a year to be with him. and that year was even rough for us.
every father has to do the things he thinks he can to provide best for his family.
hindi lng kasi yung pag pprovide ang kailngan ko eh! lagi nman yan ang cnasabi sa akin bry
and he also believed that you'd turn out to be a better person, and we all appreciate that. because in his heart, he only wants everyone around him especially his family to be well taken care of.
di pa nya ako inantay kahit sa ICU lng bry,,, just for me to talk to him while he was breathing
love can be demonstrated in many ways. love can be spending time. love can be providing things. love can be many things.
he believed that love he gave for your family. his spirit wanted to say goodbye to you but his body failed him
no bry..
and as much as he would want to make his body better, it would only be difficult for him
people who are dying can wait.. they control everything
because if he says goodbye forever, it will only break him more
if they wanna go they will..
he loves you that much. he saw that you were decided to make a better life for yourself. and that was his dream for you - to be responsible and to learn how to take care of yourself. the mind may be thinking of another thing but humans are contained in their bodies. no matter what others say, we could only go so far as our physical bodies will permit us.
bry, ayaw ba nya ako makita magtapos? ayaw ba nya akong mkita ikasal ako? ayaw ba nyang makita what i'll be in 10 yrs?
he wanted to so much. and he will. and he will be forever happy if he sees you happy, too. your father left you when you were headstrong to become fully responsible and mature. and i believe you would not fail him.
saying goodbye is awful. saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do especially knowing that that is the last goodbye you'll ever say. but in this life, we have to say goodbye.
your father is happy where he is now. i think that is the last lesson he wants to teach you - and that is learning how to let go. let go of the material things that hold you back. let go of the friendships that you lost. let go of the situations that have hurt you. let go of the many things that causes you pain. let go of the people you love.
because it is only in letting go that you are given the chance and the power to finally say goodbye and start anew. it is in letting go that you truly demonstrate your love to that person that you wouldn't hold the person back.
it is in letting go that makes you stronger than you are. holding on to history holds us back because we all know that life goes on. if you're holding back, you're holding back the time that can give you the opportunity to be happy, to be content, to love, to be loved, and to be at peace with what happened.
i want to cry so hard. but i just can't
like i said, it's hard.
i dont wna say na "yeah ok.. i forgive them, ill move on. ill let go" when the truth is, i dont. i wont
yes that is the reality. you have to give it time. you just have to. but as they say, time heals all wounds
how long will it take??
nobody can say
pagod na pgod na ako bry
maybe until you are strong enough, then thats how long it is
panu ka nakamove on kay tito??
honestly, i dont know too. but i know it took a lot of prayers. i was never the perfect son kaya nahirapan din ako. in fact, nag away pa kami on that fateful day. buti have to forgive myself and give it time.
i cnt pray bry yun nga masakit nun bry eh. we were not in good terms when he left. i feel everythings a karma. i think he took him bcoz of me. maybe to realize things; to realize how important he is in my life.. for me to learn how to live w/o him.
i feel so guilty
do you think god really hurts people to learn their lesson?!
if only i cud turn back the time.. i dunno bry.. im taking this in a different way i guess. or i just stil cant accept the fact na he's gone
i know and i understand. the pain and the hurt is just too much sometimes
my once happy life is gone
it is not gone. it only means that a chapter of your life needs continuance.
write it. we write your own destiny. and i know you will.
lam ko nman lahat yan bry.. msyado lng tlgang malalim yung pinaggagalingan
yeah i know. kailagnan mo lang paalalahanan. to tell you honestly, this weekend was my lowest. buti nalang nakausap ko mommy ko. and natauhan ako.
wla akong means.
we all do.
i feel so alone here.
alone, stupid, angry... parang feeling ko never ending
yeah. i understand naman eh. gawin mong reinforcement yang lungkot mo. you still have your mother. no matter what you say, you still have her.
nandito nga si mami pero wla din sya lagi sa isip. di makapagtrabaho. laging may sakit. laging malungkot. laging frustrated. laging nagse-self pity. di ko alam kung san pa ako huhugot ng lakas ng loob. everyone's down.. lahat bagsak. lahat parang pagod n pagod. parang wlang mgyyri sa buhay nmin. hindi na magiging katulad ng dati when my dad was alive.
everything changed. im so tired na bry.. maybe bcoz of crying
stop for a minute. take a look around.
what? i have nothing
you said everything around you is down. so you better pick up the sword and wage your own battles. help one casualty at a time. but remember to help yourself first before you try to carry others.
its so hard bry..
yeah i know. hindi naman madali eh. alam ko naman yun. life is never easy.
just thinking about my problems,,, wla pa yung solutions ha. mahirap na
eh kasi sabi mo nga diba your'e looking at your problems. you know about it already. stop looking at the problem and start trying out solutions.
alam mo yung pag math problem diba. nose bleed siya talaga. dahil pagod ka na mag isip, titignan mo nalang siya ng titignan.
but the question is, would you wait for the bell to ring? or is it better to look at the book, on how its supposed to be done? or remember what was written on the board, when you were solving the problem with the class? or would it better for you to solve it together with a friend?
gets mo naman diba
copy from others
then do it! life is not fair so you make your own rules. but you must remember, naka-set ang exam. so different problem yung nasayo. iba iba kayo ng problems.
solving with a friend?
(in fairness, i like that metaphor! haha!)
yeah i liked it too. wla nman akong friend.
then think of your friends. a friend is someone you get to know. someone who is more than an acquaintance
kaya nga
so sa dami ng tao jan, the chances of you making friends are endless. and you have us pa kaya!
how can u guys help me then?? e ang layo2 nyo. argh,,,,
what am i doing here?
giving sermons
hehehee
haha im not! im trying to help you - being your sounding board. im helping you realize that no matter what's happening, you are still lucky.
you have a roof on your head, you have a mother. your father might be gone, but imagine the kids who never knew their fathers? who never knew their mothers? who never experienced material things? who never went to school? who never knew love from parents?
diba? in more ways than one, you are still lucky. we are still lucky!
yeah.. lam ko..
so you still have your tools. as tools you have to learn how to use it. so you better start practicing it now bago sila mangalawang or bago pa mawala ang lahat ng yan
bry.. grabe mga examples mo ha..
o diba nasapian ako! haha!
san mo nakukuha nanman yan? frustrated writer?? wow.. thanks for the words of wisdom then,,
pero you have to see what im saying
i did..
ive been there and again, i know that it hurts
a little relieved btw...
yay! good! just pray. bibigyan ka niya ng sagot. pramis!
when? after 10 yrs.. pag maayos na yung buhay ko, when i can stand on my own.. n people begin to say its all in his plan??
like every story... ryt?
its up to you. 10 years can be 20, 30. but it can also be 1 month. a week.
lets put it dis way... he'll give me an ans in his time? tama ako noh???
cummon..
i dont believe that eh. what i believe is he always gives us answers. we just dont want to see/try/acknowledge it
an2k na ako bry thanks for the time buti na lng nandyan ka.
im always here. were all here
--------
so it ends there.
ciao!
2 comments:
amen! hands down ako sa'yo manok :) seriously and sincerely... :)
Amen to that! I've learned alot reading your blog. btw, you said that "his mission is done", do we ever think what really is our mission here on earth? What are we leaving for? What is our purpose? I know one thing we are here to obey God's direction and we are to bring glory to His name. I hope to see more of this. Godbless.
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