insanely sane and random

ok one more real post this year. as you all know, my new year didn't really quite start right. there are a lot of issues/things that i have to deal with these past few days, weeks. i don't really know but i guess i'm welcoming the fact that my colleague at work unveiled to us the direction and plans that our department is going to take for the next six months. it's gonna be BU-SY. imagine that, six months, i laughed in my mind.

yes, i always feel sad the minute i unlock the door of my apartment. it's this irritating thought/fact that for the next waking hours it's gonna be just me. yes, too, as i walk up the stairs, i try to kill those thoughts with every step i take. one step, i'm happy that i have work to keep me insanely busy. second step, i've got my friends behind me whom i can bide my time with. third step, i have m'bunch, who loves me to death, follows me everywhere, as in everywhere i go. i even had to shoo her away when she tried to follow me in the bathroom. fourth step... i lose my train of thought. it's either my mind would wander to a different dimension OR would almost automatically start feeling sad again. argh.

"i choose to be happy. i choose to be happy. "

lately, too, i've been really irritable. the slightest thing can annoy me. almost to the point that i want to snap. though, fortunately, i'm still conscious enough, well, sane enough, to just hold it in until it fades away.

i can feign a smile or a laughter but this is not a farce. this is the show of my life.

guess what? i don't really expect you to put up with me.

ciao.