shit happens

things/sh*t happens

i was thinking. why am i stressing out too much on keeping my current job? what's so good about it? what's not so good about it? is it worth keeping? is leaving my job the best decision i will/should make?

i mean, come to think of it, things happen. shit happens. and, although as controlling as i am with my life right now, i cannot ever make things go my way. things can sometimes not go as planned. it's just that when i was younger, i always dreamed of making it big. making it biggER than most people i know. after graduation, i reminded myself of my goals, my plans, my dreams. i was so focused about this that i was too proud to admit that that might take a while. imagine, i was so bent on not taking a call center job. but after weeks and weeks of disappointments and rejections, look where i'm at right now. the funny thing is, i'm enjoying it (maybe for now). and that is exactly my point. i planned one thing only to find myself in an entirely different dimension and it's not so bad after all. maybe the primary reason for all these is that i want to make a statement. i want to get ahead. i want THIS RACE.

thinking about it, i guess, that was my past plan. but i could never kill myself for not realizing that - for now.

after these realizations, i suppose i'm scared again of the future. what will happen after this? now that i'm enjoying this, what will become of me? i wish i can sing que sera, sera, but that's just not the case. the thought of leaving a job scares me because i'm unsure of the future. i have no plan B. imagine stressing myself into getting good (and this is an understatement) appraisals every freakin' day!

sitting just today, i remembered my mother's words: "life is not a race" she said that to me when i told her about my boss whom i just found out to be 24. i was like "what?! that can't be! i'm already 22! what have i done (with my life)?!" well, it's true. life is not a race against others. i think, the only opponent that you have is yourself.

segue lang: if life is a race, then my god, i wouldn't wanna finish my life ahead of them! ayoko pang mamatay no!

i have come to a conclusion: you cannot live in the past. past is past. it's water under the bridge. and you're just barking on the wrong tree. (huh?!) but seriously, how can you ever reach your goal if you keep on stepping back to attend to your past?
another conclusion:apart from not living in the past, you should also never let the future distress you in any way possible. i mean, come on! it has never happenned yet and you can still take the necessary steps to get to that. it's never too late.

i gotta live in the NOW. i gotta take everything one step at a time. a little sidestep can be good at times but i'll always be sure that with one sidestep, i also take two steps forward - like a dance. yes. like a dance.
and when things go wrong, think: things happen. SHIT happens. don't fret and take action.

the end. bow.

ciao!