freakshow

freakshow

i awoke with a faint headache as i try to familiarize myself with my room. it's the same room, the same pillows, the same blankets, the same cabinets.
the feeling of anger and loathing rushed to my mind yet again. i tried to close my eyes again, hoping when i open it, i would be myself.
i opened my eyes again, and again, looked at the familiar things around me. the feeling was not there anymore but all the vivid imagery was still lingering in my mind. i remembered i felt angry. i remembered i was almost on the verge of killing someone. i remembered i hated every inch of that person.
i tried to listen to the murmurs outside my room. a sudden charge of panic came to me.

"is she there?" i asked myself about a gazillion times as i try to regain my sanity. i courageously got up and shook myself.

"pick yourself up, bryan" i screamed on my mind.

as i was sitting, my memory went back. it was a dream. i dreamed about her, being there and confronting me. telling me all the things i have heard so many times. she was on the verge of tears. i, however, was as cold as a rock. all that my mouth could do was to do this "fuck-your-shit-and-shut-up" pout. and my eyes were burning with rage with what i'm hearing yet again; the same story, the same characters, the same plot.

"murderer..." my mind said many times as she tried to babble all the trash in her puny head.

"murderer..." my mind said as she tried to argue over an ignorant yet troublesome fact.

my mind was saying that too loudly and clearly that i thought she heard it.
she stopped and cried.
i walked over her, feeling this sudden swing of emotion. i was trying to be understanding but apathy just came crashing in and i slapped her with all the strength that was left in me.
it was the most satisfying slap i ever gave to someone.

i saw myself on the mirror and remembered i was awake. i went out the room holding the knob, trying to convince myself that she is not there.
slowly, i turned the knob and opened the door. no one was there. this witch has haunted me on my wake and now entered my dreams - nightmare. it was good that i slapped her.