im my own god

isnt it sad when you want some things to be the way you want it to be and you do everything in your power that is possible just to do just that but in the end it just doesnt fall the way you expect them to fall? there's something wrong in that sentence and i think its the word EXPECT. you cannot just expect things.. things are naturally unexpected - for me atleast.
i dont know what happenned to me when i started to even slightly expect something to happen or hope to happen. okay i may be bewildering you. ill tell you all about it.
my bestfriend betrayed me. or so i think. here's the situation: whenever she has some things thats bothering her, she always comes to me. she says everything (or so i think.. again) to me. and im trying - god, how i tried - to tell her whats right (yeah, i know, who knows what's right anyway). and she promised me NOT to do the thing she is supposed to do. well to cut the story short, this sort of thing happenned for like a year. even if im so tired and grumpy and everything, i always see to it that im there whenever she needs me. (and o, before you think of anything else, she is not a "girlfriend material") im there even if i myself havent been able to fix my own troubles and worries - my life in short. and i know, please dont tell me to fix my life first before i fix other's life - im just being a good friend. well anyway, that thing happenned for almost a year. just recently, she promised me something that she wouldnt do. and yes, she did not do it.. FOR A DAY! and she kept on doing it from that day forward! i know im confusing you already but i cannot just post what that THING is really coz ermm this is public.. :|
damn i hate it when what i want to happen doesnt happen. sorry for the long story here but i guess the lesson i learned here is what i wanted to share. that things are unexpectable. god i hate myself when i say that but thats the truth. the truth hurts right? but nobody said that it would hurt like hell! F*CK!!
i guess when i think about all these things there's just one freakin question that i have to answer.. well atleast to think about.. how can i make it right??

now the title is not right anymore .. should be "am i my own god?"
*sigh*