i once believed

i was thinking just now about how i believed everything you said to me two years ago. at first i was hesitant to see what you have for both of us because it was all too big and i, being the cynical and practical one, couldn't -- wouldn't want to look at the picture you were trying to paint.

eventually, however, i started to see the little images of us in the future. slowly, yet surely, i was able to appreciate the colors you were trying to paint, the yet abstract picture you were trying to show. and i was there, slowly walking towards your proud painting... standing, gazing at its vivid hues, its tiny complexities, its profundities.

as time progressed and as i began to focus my sight on other things, i have unwittingly seen the wholeness of it in my peripheral vision. there it was in its marvelous glory -- still all colorful, complex, profound... abstract.

there never was that painting. it was crumbling when i saw it. it was a mess -- a huge, ugly, crumbling mess that i once believed to be a beautiful work of art.

the thing is, in my quiet time, i still think of that beautiful mess. thinking that maybe, if only that could have been true, how wonderful it is be looking at it everyday. to have always stood in awe in front of it. to have been experiencing the wholeness of it and appreciating it every single day.

that's all i have now. a thought, a figment of a memory that once was that i once believed.