so this is how it feel like eh? i feel no different. i believe i'm still the same me 24 hours ago. it's just that i get another freakin' year on my age and now i'm... ugh... 25. it pains me. i should be dead at this age.
i think it would take me a year to completely realize that. plus, by the time that i do, i'm frucking 26. in five years, i'll be 30. oh. my. god. jeeze, time flies so fast -- too fast.
since this is SUCH a milestone, no matter how much i really don't appreciate it, i guess i should do something milestone-y as i did five years ago when i looked back at everything that happened. also, since blogger has no lj-cuts (well, i can't figure out how), i guess i should tell you that this is going to be a long-ass entry.
looking back, as fast as those 25 years passed by, it came by so slowly. some days, i let slip by and some days i wished to stop time and cherish forever. so here goes:
i always tell my friends that i had a very happy childhood. i cannot complain. we were not filthy rich, but our lives were comfortable. life was simple then and i had what i needed. i was the only child for 6 amazing years. best parents. janna and daryll came into the picture and life, from then on, became much more exciting. i became the kuya and.. well, you get the picture. i had that. and i miss that, too. thank god i have the best papa and mommy and a brother and a sister to boot.
as suddenly as people came to my life, so suddenly did people go. in that quarter of a century, i forged new friendships that last me up to this very day and lost two important people in my life -- my grandfather and my father. papa was just 39 at that time. they say life begins at 40 but i think my father lived more than a full life. he was, in all aspects, a father. for that alone, i am grateful.
his death brought forth so many changes in my life that, sometimes, i wonder if i will still have the life i have today. my family is now in the US. my mom is married to jamie -- a good man. janna and daryll are now starting to get older and live their own lives. i could never be so proud of them.
i was also fortunate to have lived with yuri whom i became very close to. see, we were not really the best of friends when he offered to live in my apartment. when we started to live together, there never went a week without us fighting and arguing even about the most mundane and trivial things. i can say, though, that whatever that relationship is, it is all good. i have never revealed such a complete me to anyone as i have to him and him to me. he's just like the go-to guy when i'm in doubt of anything. ours was something deep and profound that i think i would never share with another human being.
these are just some of the reasons why i was actually broken to see him go to cebu late last year. if this post serves as a venue for me to be frank, then i'm telling you that it pains me so much to have not heard from him since early this year. whenever i'm asked of him, alli can say is that he's fine, when in reality, i have no idea in hell what's been happening to him. i was beginning to think that it's all my fault. it's just like losing someone and never knowing how and why.
BUT (you know this is coming). as much as it hurts me like mother, i am thankful for what has happened/is happening. it makes one stronger. the stronger, the better.
good for me i'm not dead yet as of writing, at least i've the opportunity to thank half of the people i'm supposed to thank. =)
so moving along...
i want to say sorry to the people i have hurt knowingly and unknowingly. i know i can be a little hard headed sometimes. i can be aggressive. i can be annoyingly loud. i can be painful to deal with. i can be whiny. i can be very judgmental. i also have temporary bouts with amnesia. i can get too emotional. i get overly sensitive and i can also get insensitive to your feelings. i can be manipulative. sometimes, too, i can be an asshole - a jerk. i can be a lying and deceiving ass. i put up a very strong facade. i am also vulgar and scandalous. sometimes, i'm just to hard to put up with, too. for this blog, i can be too heavy and depressing. and i'm a bit calloused, as well. for that, i offer my humblest, deepest, and sincerest apologies.
to the people i love, i know i still have a lot of issues. i know my lapses, and i acknowledge each and everything about it. but no worries, i'll work and i'm working on those.
in retrospect, though, i think this is what life is about -- at least the 25 years of it. we all just have to get better at it.
mommy, you already know what i'd say. thanks so much for always being there. i love you always and i can't wait to see you soon. i know everything that has happened between us two and in our family has been hard and sometimes it's just too much to bear. remember to just look around and we are all there by your side. we're all grown up now and we can/will help. after all, you've raised us well. pero hindi ko pa rin nakakalimutan ang slr ko! hahaha. joke lang! pero totoo yan haha
janna and daryll, you have been my strength. believe it or not, when i do something, i always think about what you both will say/think/do. because of you two, i have learned to be conscious of being a kuya to both of you. my childhood - my life - will never be complete without you. of course, there may have been times that you wish i was not your brother, and you two not my siblings. hell we're all learning. and through all these, i have learned to be someone that you can depend on. wag lang pera =)
yuri, no matter where you are, no matter what you're going through, do remember that what we have is something that i will cherish. i may not be the best, but i've given you my best. i hope you, at the very least, appreciate that. i hope to see you if not hear from you soon. i miss doing things with you.
jamie, thank you so much for being a good husband to my mother and a good stepdad to my siblings. know that i appreciate that a lot.
tita dolly and tita guing, my surrogate mothers =) thank you for taking time to be there for me. you might not know, but those seemingly mundane chats and conversations helped me a lot especially those times when i really need a family to get me through. i'm grateful as well that you always boost my confidence when i'm either at my lowest of lows and highest of highs. i love you both.
mama tess, you've truly lived up to the name i alone call you. you've been my mama when mommy's gone. thanks, too, not only for the daily dinners you wholeheartedly invite me to, but also for being a confidante when life at home gets crappy. thank you so much!
macky, what can i say? we've known each other since 1992 and we're still friends. you really are one good friend to keep. you are also a friend i know who will stand up with me no matter what. you no longer have to prove anything because in those 16 years of friendship, you've already done enough. thanks macky for everything. tigilan mo na lang ang sugal haha.
rr, the ever cheerleader. you know, whenever i feel low, i see to it that i talk to you because you always take things that i carry lightly -- in a good way. that's what i need during those times. you also never fail to boost my confidence whenever i start to doubt myself on the things i can do. thank you, too, for taking my advices seriously. frankly, ikaw na lang ata ang naniniwala sakin pag nagiging preachy na ko hehe.
japs, tracy, michelle, gracey, peter -- my closest barkada, we've all come so far and we've seen each other mature. imagine, from those petty high school fights to life-altering situations, we've stuck together and came out stronger. whatever differences we have and have had, we still managed to stay friends. enp forever na talaga to!
pres, my soulee. soulfriend, it's been so long! i have to thank you because you've made college life much easier for me and i hope i did the same for you. after all, i did some of your plates back then haha. love you soulee!
jd, abner, cheska, jen, patty -- my college friends. who would have known that the person who "snubbed" you in the early part of college would be your friend? lol. i hope to see you guys soon even though i'm usually unavailable for gimiks.
sharon, who would think that you are one of the few people who've seen me cry? hehe. you're one of the most dependable friends i have and i would never think we'd reach this level of friendship. you're one of the few surprises in my life and for sticking out with me during since then, thank you so much!
my ps friends, kat, ivar, bongga, ruffa, pam - i can't say thank you enough. it's because of you guys that made my life in PS worthwhile. hindi ko inakalang sa iksi ng panahon na nakasama ko kayo, magiging ganito tayo kalapit sa isa't isa. dahil sa walang kupas niyong pagkakaibigan, maraming salamat!
my tdd family- tintin, shey, anton, coco, vins, denz, ice, mai, cathy, jonel, charles, reg: you don't know how much you've helped me during those times that i just can't seem to function. remember the time that i told you guys that i do not intend to stay there for a long time? well, because of all of you, leaving has become a very difficult decision to make. i shall only be gone when you guys are, walang iwanan. =)
tin, thanks so much for being a friend. i never knew that an english-speaking kolehiyala will become one of my trusted friends haha. shey, hindi ko rin inakala na magiging close tayo. now, you have become one of the friends that i can really talk to, hindi mo man alam. kapamilya, maraming salamat ng sobra sobra. =)
to the people i failed to mention, you'll always be in my heart. yes, i do have a heart. =P
it makes me cringe to say it but, I'LL SEE YOU IN ANOTHER 25 YEARS!
this one's for us!
ciao!
i think it would take me a year to completely realize that. plus, by the time that i do, i'm frucking 26. in five years, i'll be 30. oh. my. god. jeeze, time flies so fast -- too fast.
since this is SUCH a milestone, no matter how much i really don't appreciate it, i guess i should do something milestone-y as i did five years ago when i looked back at everything that happened. also, since blogger has no lj-cuts (well, i can't figure out how), i guess i should tell you that this is going to be a long-ass entry.
looking back, as fast as those 25 years passed by, it came by so slowly. some days, i let slip by and some days i wished to stop time and cherish forever. so here goes:
i always tell my friends that i had a very happy childhood. i cannot complain. we were not filthy rich, but our lives were comfortable. life was simple then and i had what i needed. i was the only child for 6 amazing years. best parents. janna and daryll came into the picture and life, from then on, became much more exciting. i became the kuya and.. well, you get the picture. i had that. and i miss that, too. thank god i have the best papa and mommy and a brother and a sister to boot.
as suddenly as people came to my life, so suddenly did people go. in that quarter of a century, i forged new friendships that last me up to this very day and lost two important people in my life -- my grandfather and my father. papa was just 39 at that time. they say life begins at 40 but i think my father lived more than a full life. he was, in all aspects, a father. for that alone, i am grateful.
his death brought forth so many changes in my life that, sometimes, i wonder if i will still have the life i have today. my family is now in the US. my mom is married to jamie -- a good man. janna and daryll are now starting to get older and live their own lives. i could never be so proud of them.
i was also fortunate to have lived with yuri whom i became very close to. see, we were not really the best of friends when he offered to live in my apartment. when we started to live together, there never went a week without us fighting and arguing even about the most mundane and trivial things. i can say, though, that whatever that relationship is, it is all good. i have never revealed such a complete me to anyone as i have to him and him to me. he's just like the go-to guy when i'm in doubt of anything. ours was something deep and profound that i think i would never share with another human being.
these are just some of the reasons why i was actually broken to see him go to cebu late last year. if this post serves as a venue for me to be frank, then i'm telling you that it pains me so much to have not heard from him since early this year. whenever i'm asked of him, alli can say is that he's fine, when in reality, i have no idea in hell what's been happening to him. i was beginning to think that it's all my fault. it's just like losing someone and never knowing how and why.
BUT (you know this is coming). as much as it hurts me like mother, i am thankful for what has happened/is happening. it makes one stronger. the stronger, the better.
good for me i'm not dead yet as of writing, at least i've the opportunity to thank half of the people i'm supposed to thank. =)
so moving along...
i want to say sorry to the people i have hurt knowingly and unknowingly. i know i can be a little hard headed sometimes. i can be aggressive. i can be annoyingly loud. i can be painful to deal with. i can be whiny. i can be very judgmental. i also have temporary bouts with amnesia. i can get too emotional. i get overly sensitive and i can also get insensitive to your feelings. i can be manipulative. sometimes, too, i can be an asshole - a jerk. i can be a lying and deceiving ass. i put up a very strong facade. i am also vulgar and scandalous. sometimes, i'm just to hard to put up with, too. for this blog, i can be too heavy and depressing. and i'm a bit calloused, as well. for that, i offer my humblest, deepest, and sincerest apologies.
to the people i love, i know i still have a lot of issues. i know my lapses, and i acknowledge each and everything about it. but no worries, i'll work and i'm working on those.
in retrospect, though, i think this is what life is about -- at least the 25 years of it. we all just have to get better at it.
mommy, you already know what i'd say. thanks so much for always being there. i love you always and i can't wait to see you soon. i know everything that has happened between us two and in our family has been hard and sometimes it's just too much to bear. remember to just look around and we are all there by your side. we're all grown up now and we can/will help. after all, you've raised us well. pero hindi ko pa rin nakakalimutan ang slr ko! hahaha. joke lang! pero totoo yan haha
janna and daryll, you have been my strength. believe it or not, when i do something, i always think about what you both will say/think/do. because of you two, i have learned to be conscious of being a kuya to both of you. my childhood - my life - will never be complete without you. of course, there may have been times that you wish i was not your brother, and you two not my siblings. hell we're all learning. and through all these, i have learned to be someone that you can depend on. wag lang pera =)
yuri, no matter where you are, no matter what you're going through, do remember that what we have is something that i will cherish. i may not be the best, but i've given you my best. i hope you, at the very least, appreciate that. i hope to see you if not hear from you soon. i miss doing things with you.
jamie, thank you so much for being a good husband to my mother and a good stepdad to my siblings. know that i appreciate that a lot.
tita dolly and tita guing, my surrogate mothers =) thank you for taking time to be there for me. you might not know, but those seemingly mundane chats and conversations helped me a lot especially those times when i really need a family to get me through. i'm grateful as well that you always boost my confidence when i'm either at my lowest of lows and highest of highs. i love you both.
mama tess, you've truly lived up to the name i alone call you. you've been my mama when mommy's gone. thanks, too, not only for the daily dinners you wholeheartedly invite me to, but also for being a confidante when life at home gets crappy. thank you so much!
macky, what can i say? we've known each other since 1992 and we're still friends. you really are one good friend to keep. you are also a friend i know who will stand up with me no matter what. you no longer have to prove anything because in those 16 years of friendship, you've already done enough. thanks macky for everything. tigilan mo na lang ang sugal haha.
rr, the ever cheerleader. you know, whenever i feel low, i see to it that i talk to you because you always take things that i carry lightly -- in a good way. that's what i need during those times. you also never fail to boost my confidence whenever i start to doubt myself on the things i can do. thank you, too, for taking my advices seriously. frankly, ikaw na lang ata ang naniniwala sakin pag nagiging preachy na ko hehe.
japs, tracy, michelle, gracey, peter -- my closest barkada, we've all come so far and we've seen each other mature. imagine, from those petty high school fights to life-altering situations, we've stuck together and came out stronger. whatever differences we have and have had, we still managed to stay friends. enp forever na talaga to!
pres, my soulee. soulfriend, it's been so long! i have to thank you because you've made college life much easier for me and i hope i did the same for you. after all, i did some of your plates back then haha. love you soulee!
jd, abner, cheska, jen, patty -- my college friends. who would have known that the person who "snubbed" you in the early part of college would be your friend? lol. i hope to see you guys soon even though i'm usually unavailable for gimiks.
sharon, who would think that you are one of the few people who've seen me cry? hehe. you're one of the most dependable friends i have and i would never think we'd reach this level of friendship. you're one of the few surprises in my life and for sticking out with me during since then, thank you so much!
my ps friends, kat, ivar, bongga, ruffa, pam - i can't say thank you enough. it's because of you guys that made my life in PS worthwhile. hindi ko inakalang sa iksi ng panahon na nakasama ko kayo, magiging ganito tayo kalapit sa isa't isa. dahil sa walang kupas niyong pagkakaibigan, maraming salamat!
my tdd family- tintin, shey, anton, coco, vins, denz, ice, mai, cathy, jonel, charles, reg: you don't know how much you've helped me during those times that i just can't seem to function. remember the time that i told you guys that i do not intend to stay there for a long time? well, because of all of you, leaving has become a very difficult decision to make. i shall only be gone when you guys are, walang iwanan. =)
tin, thanks so much for being a friend. i never knew that an english-speaking kolehiyala will become one of my trusted friends haha. shey, hindi ko rin inakala na magiging close tayo. now, you have become one of the friends that i can really talk to, hindi mo man alam. kapamilya, maraming salamat ng sobra sobra. =)
to the people i failed to mention, you'll always be in my heart. yes, i do have a heart. =P
it makes me cringe to say it but, I'LL SEE YOU IN ANOTHER 25 YEARS!
this one's for us!
i'll get by with a little help from my friends!
ciao!
2 comments:
There must really be something about turning a quarter of a century (sounds really old huh? - wait till you're a year before turning 30, then it becomes more scary!). I guess its one of those events that you mark in your life that you tend to look back. It's a good thing you're looking back with a grateful heart. There's a lot more to be thankful for in another half century of your life (why do i keep on measuring by the century???), so just hang on in there bry, and I hope you enjoyed your day. Happy birthday!!!
because there's a huge chance that we won't be here in the next century. haha tsaka para mas may angas -- century =P
thanks charlie!
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