Fast Facts

Fact: I can turn off all bad vibes when I'm training.
Fact: Dating life has been rough, to say the least.
Fact: Training is my comfort zone. Everything else at work annoys me, lately.
Fact: First post of the year, first post after being 30.
Fact: 30 feels fine.

Remember me?

I think it has been almost a year since I last posted. I kinda miss reading through my days back when I was still active in blogging. Microblogging sites (Twitter and Facebook, I'm looking at you!) have already taken over. At least for me. And I haven't really felt the need to be writing about what I feel for the longest time. It makes me have to recollect and evaluate how I feel about certain things. After all, this is my repository. But since it's a Friday night and I'm just home doing nothing, I guess, this sort of gives me the go ahead to post it all on here, albeit, randomly. 

I have been in the company for more than three years. I didn't realize until mid this year that this has been my longest stint in a company. More than three years. Wow. First thought, there's still no promotion. WTF. I always get this "Hey, great job on this" "Good job on that!" "I appreciate that." Well, fuck you. I don't need sweet words, I need a promotion. Otherwise, you're just patronizing me and I hate that. Yeah. FUCK YOU.

BUT.

I love what I do. Those fucktards are lucky because I seriously love what I do. It's not that kind of thing you just tell yourself when you feel like you're stuck in a rut. Because heaven knows, I really love what I do. One more extra-curricular thing in this job that I love doing is hosting. So thank for events. And events have been many. 

But seriously, I think I have already set something this year for myself. If there is no promotion this year, I shall say goodbye and look for another company to work for - some place where I'm not just given a thumbs up but rewarded. My beef with this company is that it fucking lacks focus especially on the people who work for them. I've seen some people - good, competent people - leave because of that. Promotion, sometimes, is not because of merit but because of your closeness to certain figures. I shall refrain myself from naming names. 

In other news, it's gonna be Lola's first death anniversary soon. I can't believe it has already been a year. I was just watching the video I took of her a few weeks before she died and I can't help feeling nostalgic and sad. I'm quite surprised because I've never lived with her when I was young - spare some summer vacation I've spent in Dumaguete - and I really miss her. 

I remember when I came back for her birthday last year and I just wanted to spend time with her. It was one of those late afternoons that she was just watching TV when I sat beside her. I don't know if she noticed but I was exerting extra effort to talk to her and really just spend time with her. Sigh. 

Well, it's been almost a year. Fuck time flies by so fast. 

Speaking of time, it's nearly my 30th birthday. WHAT. THE. HELL. 30.

I've never really given much thought to it until last month when I felt I was really gonna hit 30. There's just something in that number that made me wanna stop myself and think about the things I've done in the past (almost) 30 years. No, it's not something emo or anything. It's more of "what have I done with my life?" sort of thing. It just hit me. It really did. And hard.

So I loosely planned what I wanted to do and it was a lot. There is one basic thing, though, in the many plans I've thought of - I wanna do something big, perhaps a first. I thought about traveling by myself alone somewhere. I've thought about celebrating it in an orphanage, too. I've thought about inviting the special 30 people in my life and giving them something. In any case, I just want to do something I don't normally do on my birthday. 

(Fuck I'm really turning 30!)

This is where all this gets interesting (REALLY?) I'm still single. The last time I was in a relationship was when I started working for the company I'm currently in. I was 26 then. I didn't realize that when I get to almost 30, it will somehow feel like a race - a race where I'm not really too keen on competing but it's just there. A nagging, dull, feeling about me being single. For lack of a better term, I'm afraid (not sure if I'm really fearful about it) that I'm really used to being single. I've done things by myself for many, many, many occasions already that it does not bug me. Well, spare this few months before I turn 30 because it does. 

One last, something from the old chest of my memory came back to reality just last week. My immigration papers. After 11 years. I seriously don't know how to feel about it. There's that bleak, hazy, image of New York, though. But seriously. I knew by the start of the year that something really big, something life-changing will happen to me this year. I'm still praying for that and I'm not even sure what it is. 

Oh well. That's all for now. I guess my number of words for the day is met. 

Ciao.

Bicolandia and everything in between

So I'm here in Naga waiting for Chris to come back from the airport. In a few hours I'll be in Legaspi City. Then Sorsogon then Masbate.

I just came from Zamboanga City and Clark last week.

I wonder where life takes me next.

It's tiring but I'm just trying to take it all in and enjoying it altogether. I almost forgot to mention that I was in CWC yesterday. I wasn't able to wakeboard but at least I've seen the place.

So this is me making lemonades after life throws me lemons. Besides, I know I'll miss doing this eventually and wish I'll be as busy when the humdrum of office work takes over.

Until then, ciao!

Updates for no one

Went to Cagayan de Oro and Davao for work.

CDO - Hyperacidity attack at 3 in the morning, really bad hotel, construction outside my room, ac is hella noisy, really old bed and pillows, no hot water, got flu in the middle of training: worst training experience ever because of those things.

MNL - Rushed myself to the ER again a day before I depart for Davao.

DVO - Spent the first night in the hospital, they wanted to admit me for 48 hours, had to say no naturally, trained the morning after, good hotel, good food, good weather. It was smooth sailing after the first night.

Makati Med - Filed a leave last Friday, to finally have myself checked. Initial finding of the Gastroentorologist was Acid Peptic Disease. Ulcer. Advised to have endoscopy but paperworks got in the way. Specialist will only be available until Wednesday. I couldn't take a leave next week. Will settle for Saturday for the procedure. Hoping it doesn't hurt. Nurse assured me I was gonna be put to sleep.

Mom is coming back home. Not sure exactly when. Lots of bilin. I'm sure 1/4 lang maalala niya.

It's Saturday today. Raining. Hard. Will sleep in this afternoon. That's after a good night's rest last night.

By the way, the evaluations for my CDO and DVO training are overwhelming. I guess this is really my passion. I'm happy.

Monday randomness

Dear lady who sat beside me today,

It is not my obligation to give your payment to the driver, no. The act of passing the payment in the jeepney is never an obligation. Rather, a matter of "pagmamagandang loob."

So aside from not saying "paki" or please, not saying thank you makes you audacious and assuming and downright rude. Not to mention the manner in which you literally dropped your coins on my hand (which by that time was already overflowing with other gracious passengers' coins) causing all the coins in it to almost scatter on the floor.

OK, so you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, as you told the person who called you right after you did that to me. I don't fucking care. It's a fucking Monday morning that we all have to fucking go through.

Thank goodness I wasn't that rude yet to shove all your coins in your cunt.

PS. Fuck you.

Sincerely,

Bryan

-----

So I woke up early today to shut my boss up. Got in the training room at exactly 8 in the morning. Woopee. Yay. FML.

BUT, weirdly enough, I have lots of energy today. Morning training went really well. =)

Looking forward to the coming Holy Week weekend. =)

ciao!

can't think of a title and another "random" as a title will make this blog even worse so i'll go for what i said -- can't think of a title

It’s weird seeing you again. I don’t know if it’s because seeing your face takes me back to that dark past or I’m just not the same anymore. Either way, I’ve already said my piece and I’ve already drawn the lines – lines that I will keep uncrossed for both our sakes. Because I’m done playing the game and I’m done playing the victim. You can screw up and I won’t be there for you to blame. Yes, I guess we can be friends for now. Know, though, that I don’t keep friends who lie and deceive and scheme.

In a matter of days, my two kakampi in HR will be transferred to another department. Now all the heads are from the competing company. Next year, you can call it the *** microcosm outside *** office. That sucks, ha. Don’t even get me started with their salaries.

Christmas is very, very near. I’m suddenly torn whether I want a new bed or a semi-badly needed new phone. Whatevs. I’ll know when I’m about to buy. Though… the room sure needs some upgrading. Haha.

I’m slowly bringing myself into a world that is new to me. I wonder how it goes. For now, I’m quite enjoying it and to some level, I’d say I feel much better when I’m lost in that world.

the gift

They say big things come in small packages.
Small package: The gift.
Big thing: The thought, the effort, and the gesture behind the gift.


Along with this small token is the video of their messages of thanks (which I have to figure out how to convert so I can upload).
Thank you Batch 26. It's the small things that I love most about this job. Good luck and God bless you all.

pocketful of sunshine

so last friday, after lunch, i decided to do an activity to prepare them for the long afternoon ahead. usually, it's just a small game wherein the losing group will have to do the consequence as given by the winning group.

i decided to digress from that usual ice breaker because i, too, am beginning to get tired of it. what i did was to write all their names on each paper and posted it in front of the class. i instructed them to go in front of the paper as it was laid out in front and write something positive about the person. it took us quite a while to finish and after which, i read it aloud in class and have each of them tell me if they liked what they heard or if anything isn't true about what was written. it was a good 30 minutes spent. after the activity, i proceeded with the afternoon discussion.

in the middle of my discussion, i noticed a piece of paper being passed around. i don't normally mind those things during my class because i'm sure as hell they were already on information overload and passing notes could help them regain their focus and, well, refrain from drifting into the oblivion.

in the middle of the afternoon, i gave them a 15-minute break so they can rest and do whatever they need and want to do. as for me, i went down to have a smoke.

when i came back, i saw a piece of paper in front of me with my name on it and a note to "please read it aloud :)"

i froze for a split second. could this be? is this the moment i realize i'm not made of stone? that i have feelings? that i am touched? hahaha.

so i gave them a smile and said thank you for the gesture. apparently, they also made one for me like i have them do earlier that day.

see, those are the small things that make me love my job even more. :)

and oh, here's what they wrote :)

• loves necktie
• male version of miss joy
• gwapo oiiis!
• kenkoy
• gracious
• mortal enemy of RC (one of the attendees i always poke fun of, in a good way, of course)
• cute
• approachable
• alaskador
• workaholic
• talented
• sweet (??)
• i like his haircut
• -- hehe what hair?!
• funny
• marunong mag plantsa
• break na pag nag-weewee
• "sige, pabili tayo ng coffee"
• "sige, pabili tayo ng sugar"
• "sige, paakyat natin yung notes"
• "sige, paakyat natin kay clavio"

now, now, now. i know there are things there that made me go "wwwuuut?!" haha but the gesture really touched me.

ciao!

random still

+ my boss is resigning. he confirmed it with me yesterday without fanfare. i wished him well and i told him, "TAE KA." hehe. until they find a replacement, it's just myself in the training and marketing department. =(

+ this week is my first full-on batch training. i'll be handling everything, from start to finish. it's three-week course and whole day training, too.

+ i am welcoming the change. i hope i can do this for a long time. i like what i do.

+ you and you're half truths. no matter what you say, a half truth is a half lie. period. i'm just taking a step back. i'll let you do your thing and leave everything to chance. that's what this is anyway -- chance.

+ my credit card debt is still there. masaya nanaman sila.

+ i'm looking forward to tomorrow, this weekend, and the rest of my life.

+ was able to talk to you today, i still can't figure you out. what the hell are you? :)

ciao!

surprise

i guess i shouldn't have heard what i heard.

:(

last week

i just finished my first two training days last thursday and friday. that just strengthened my belief that teaching/training is my passion. it makes me sweat, it makes me tired, it exhausts me, yet at the same time it fulfills me, it rewards me, and it makes me proud and happy.

i've been training what i'm training now since my prudentialife days. it's just that we don't do an in-depth training of the industry. this time, i have to learn and relearn everything i've known the past years. i need to study and review all the materials in a few days for me to train them effectively in just a matter of days. i actually miss the training i got from my last company where trainers are given months to prepare for just one product. this time, i need to cover 8-9 products in two weeks.

fortunately for me, i was able to do it last thursday and friday.

last wednesday, i was on super panic mode because there was a miscommunication between me and my boss. it was clear to me that i was going to train all the products but it wasn't made clear to me that aside from that, i was to train another module PLUS the sales process module on friday.

i was so anxious last wednesday and i called tin to talk me through what i'm about to do. i thought it was suicide already. good thing tin was able to calm me down and lay down all the facts about what i'm going to do. thanks tin.

sometimes when the world seems to run in chaos and you feel like you're in the middle of it, all you need is to have someone to make you see things in perspective AND make you feel that you can definitely do it. for that, thanks tin and macky. macky was there, too, to listen to my rants :)

thursday and friday was the best for me. after being exhausted because of the whole day training my boss and i had a short sit down meeting about my performance. he said, and i paraphrase: wow. congratulations! i'm very much impressed. i didn't expect you to train the way you trained given the short time you have to study the materials. it's impressive. keep it up and may pupuntahan ka.

:) as if all the tension went away (my right hip and right thigh still hurt from all the standing and walking haha)

------

friday, i went out with my colleagues for a birthday celebration -- still hoping that i finally gain some lunchmates hahaha.

last night, saturday, i went out with my dear barkada. i love you guys so much!

anyway, that's my week.

(anti-climactic, LOL)

ciao!

of training

naisip ko lang, pag trainer ka, di ka pwedeng pikon. di ka rin pwedeng tatanga tanga. at mas lalong di ka pwedeng sumungit. dahil hindi lang isa ang makakalaban mo, taena buong class.

pag maingay ang class, di ka pwedeng mag-maldita. wag kang babanat agad ng "i deserve some respect." tae. malamang lahat naman ng tao deserves our respect, kahit sino pa yan. bilang trainer, trabaho mong makibagay sa ugali nila. sakyan mo ang sense of humor nila. talk in their interest. never antagonize a trainee. kung titira ka, i-address mo sa pangkalahatan tapos wag mo masyadong gawin seryoso. maiintindihan na yun ng mga trainees mo.

eh kung bigla kang magagalit, wala na. sira na ang diskarte mo. pati na rin ang interes sayo ng trainees mo. pano pa sila makikinig sayo?

oo nga't proseso ang dini-discuss mo. mahaba yan, paulit-ulit, mapalabok, minsan kumplikado, pero hindi ibig sabihin nun, papatayin mo sa boredom ang trainees mo. yung tipong isang pilik-mata na lang ang bumubuka sa mata nila. tae.

lalong lalo na, wag kang magagalit pag nagkakaroon ng diskusyon. ibig sabihin, nagtatanong sila sa isa't isa. therefore, interesado silang malaman kung ano man ang sinasabi mo. sakyan mo yun. gamitin mo ang ingay nila sa lalo pang pagpapaintindi sa kanila ng punto ng sinasabi mo.

when you work with marketing/sales people, don't expect a boring bunch of people who only speak when spoken, too. tangena hindi yan mga accountants o clerks, no offense meant. mga maiingay na tao yan, madaming iniisip, minsan nagsasalita na bago magisip. trabaho mo bilang tainer ang intindihin ang mga iyon.

oo, hindi ka trainer. pero pucha, sana naman marunong ka namang makibagay at umintindi. kahit dun na lang. para yun lang, may drama nang, "i deserve some respect." ay na-leche na.

wala lang. thinking out loud lang.

ciao!

bad day

i conducted trainings in galleria today. after buying lunch, the mango shake slipped from my hands and, after attempting to regain my grip, spilled on my tie, polo, pants, and shoes.

and it happened in the middle of the mall. fuck. i ran as fast as i can back to the CR in our office.

i didn't notice that i was also clutching my phone that time. it was also drenched in mango shake.

this evening, before dinner, my aunt told me something about *something* that irritated me so much. buwisit. tangina. puñeta.

ito lang, kung may problema kasi kayo sakin, SABIHIN NIYO SA HARAP KO. direcho akong tao. walang kiyeme. kaya sana kayo rin.

tae.

2009: the round-up

ang bilis ng 2009 no? parang kumurap ka lang sandali, tapos na siya. ang daming napagdaanan, nakakaiyak, nakakainis, nakakatuwa, nakakatawa. siguro, hindi man defining year ang 2009 for most of us, somehow, it still helped us define who we are :)pero, apart from the heartbreaks and the disappointments, the blessings and the material things, this is, by far, my most traveled year. i hope 2010 can at least level it, if not surpass it :)
(given na ang financial freedom, no need to mention hahaha)

this is my 2009

travels

vigan, laoag, pagudpud, potipot, iba, dumaguete, tacloban, ormoc, cebu, bacolod, iloilo

ang dami ko talagang narating nung 2009. mula sa tuktok ng pilipinas at hanggangmuntik na sa zamboanga, sayang. for work or pleasure, kahit na ano pa yan, i want to go to more places this 2010 :)

work

annual lakbay, visayas provincial training, retirement, night-outs

lakbay this year was held in ilocos and i went there twice. first to do an ocular and the second for the event itself. this was also the year that i was retired from work (and re-hired again). dahil dito rin kaya ako naging credit card - debt free :) this is also the first time that shey was able to go out with us after 3 long years of working with her.

bokbok adventures

michelle's new son, bokbok, ninoy aquino funeral.

monumental. yan ang right term sa pagdating ni bokbok sa buhay ko :) salamat sa santa claus ng buhay ko haha. daming mga memories na na-immortalize (naks!) dahil sa kanya. salamat bokbok. malapit ka na magkaroon ng mga kapatid :)

thank you din sa mga nagmamahal sakin, mahal na mahal ko rin kayo. kilala niyo na kung sino kayo.

cheers to the year that was and cheers to 2010. i wish you good health, a happy spirit, and a blessed year.

ciao!

christmas party 09

3rd year in a row. tiendesitas. every year it gets (fill in the blanks).

guess what song.

ice, ice, beybeh!

haha utu uto si lem 

ciao!

iloilo: kumi-kreeytib

pictures from around the cathedral and the park in jaro, iloilo.

i'm thinking about what this traffic police is thinking

upside down :)

people around the park

this is the last. unless i get in the mood of tweaking the other pics.

ciao!

iloilo

first batch. this is the place where we got to hang out and explore. being strangers in the city, we had the audacity to use the public transportation with only our guts to lead us hehe.

seriously, i miss the la paz batchoy (sans the liver). bajeezus!

i don't know what it is, and i can't even place a finger on it, but there's something about iloilo that makes me miss the place.

we love the la paz batchoy. as in. one of the staff was kind enough to give us extra chicharon :) and this restaurant just serves la paz batchoy -- how cool is that?

almost midnight, while we were walking around the downtown, we heard loud percussions.
"DINAGYANG!" i told coco.
"i don't think so." said coco.
we're both right. turns out, one of the "tribes" were practicing for dinagyang. loud, clear, rhythmic beats. nakakahiya lang sumayaw with them :)

but these guys were not, apparently. the group just came out of the bar/grille and started dancing. when the percussion stopped, they asked them to play it again so they can dance. the band obliged. it's fun to watch them, though.

our tourist moments. lol.

flashback -- coming from bacolod, right out of the pier, with sunglasses hanging on our noses, and lugging around two black luggage (can it be more obvious?!) a camera bag, laptop bag, projector bag and coco's fanny pack, i asked coco, "co, mukha ba tayong turista?" hahahahaha!

our dinner on our second night.

this could've been a good (and cheap) dinner, but we had our bacolod inasal first. nothing beats bacolod inasal!

(ne of the few pics of myself hehe

naging suki kami ni coco sa coffee shop na 'to just because it's very close to the hotel.

our room.

nothing fancy. just you're regular hotel room. and yes, makalat siya this time. bangag pa kami eh :)

ciao!