last week

i just finished my first two training days last thursday and friday. that just strengthened my belief that teaching/training is my passion. it makes me sweat, it makes me tired, it exhausts me, yet at the same time it fulfills me, it rewards me, and it makes me proud and happy.

i've been training what i'm training now since my prudentialife days. it's just that we don't do an in-depth training of the industry. this time, i have to learn and relearn everything i've known the past years. i need to study and review all the materials in a few days for me to train them effectively in just a matter of days. i actually miss the training i got from my last company where trainers are given months to prepare for just one product. this time, i need to cover 8-9 products in two weeks.

fortunately for me, i was able to do it last thursday and friday.

last wednesday, i was on super panic mode because there was a miscommunication between me and my boss. it was clear to me that i was going to train all the products but it wasn't made clear to me that aside from that, i was to train another module PLUS the sales process module on friday.

i was so anxious last wednesday and i called tin to talk me through what i'm about to do. i thought it was suicide already. good thing tin was able to calm me down and lay down all the facts about what i'm going to do. thanks tin.

sometimes when the world seems to run in chaos and you feel like you're in the middle of it, all you need is to have someone to make you see things in perspective AND make you feel that you can definitely do it. for that, thanks tin and macky. macky was there, too, to listen to my rants :)

thursday and friday was the best for me. after being exhausted because of the whole day training my boss and i had a short sit down meeting about my performance. he said, and i paraphrase: wow. congratulations! i'm very much impressed. i didn't expect you to train the way you trained given the short time you have to study the materials. it's impressive. keep it up and may pupuntahan ka.

:) as if all the tension went away (my right hip and right thigh still hurt from all the standing and walking haha)

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friday, i went out with my colleagues for a birthday celebration -- still hoping that i finally gain some lunchmates hahaha.

last night, saturday, i went out with my dear barkada. i love you guys so much!

anyway, that's my week.

(anti-climactic, LOL)

ciao!

it's a boy!

congratulations to michelle and niño for a healthy baby boy! :)


now the twins have a little baby brother.

ciao!

gabi kasi

off topic:

dapat ba 'kong matuwa? kasi feeling ko hindi dapat. pero dahil sa ganun, kailangan.

naisip ko lang yung lagi nilang sinasabi: hindi porque kaya mo, dapat mong gawin. at hindi rin porque ayaw mo, hindi na dapat gawin.

balanse lang dapat siguro.

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i went with macky and tracy to greenhills late this afternoon. macky was supposed to sell his phone and tracy just to look around for a new phone.

the ending, macky was not able to sell his phone and tracy got a new phone.

nokia e71 (tracy bought e63 pala)

i want din. bumili kaya ako? pero wag nalang. ito pa rin siguro ang gusto ko

pero ayoko na gumastos para sa cellphone. luho.

then again, kung meron mang mabait na kaluluwa na magbibigay sakin nito, why not diba? opportunity knocks once. haha!

ang binili ko sa greenhills? lens cleaner pen and spare memory card. para sa napaka ganda kong camera lol.

ciao!

the month that was

i was browsing through my december posts and found that i barely wrote posted anything haha. well, the past month has been quite busy. fotunately not because of work-work, but there were just a lot of activities and for the first time, i never felt bored on a christmas break.

for the most part, there were pictures and here they are =)

click banners to direct you to each album on my multiply site

ciao!

randomness

i got the biggest compliment of the year from my boss. magaling daw ako sa tao. it felt good. siguro kasi, kahit na ano pang mangyari, i choose people over anything. yun lang. therefore, without sounding condescending, my friends are lucky because once i consider them friends, they are my friend (cheesy but) forever. i have this unreasonable tolerance that i can only grant to friends and family. but i'm digressing. anyway if there's one thing that i can say with full confidence it's "relationships first before anything else."

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yes, i've stayed out of the blogosphere for a week, marami na kasi akong nasusulat na walang saysay. at bilang boring na tao naman kasi ako, um-experience na muna ako ng mga bagay bagay na pwedeng isulat dito.

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congratulate me for graduating (finally!!) my thursday classes (na naging wednesday tapos friday).

my classmates. ako yata pinakabata.

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anyway, just to get some pics off of my phone, let me share them to you (syempre selected lang!)

click to enlarge ulit!

regie's birthday

tin, shei, and guess-who's legs while waiting for a cab

kapag bored sa office

how my head looks like. ang weird.

tin on the mrt platform

with the HOT girls of the newest killer viral video. LOL.

that's it. so tomorrow i'll be posting another entry for sure. something connected to the last two pictures. *wink wink*

ciao!

advice giver, advice seeker

i thought of not continuing in posting this because the conversation is a little too private. but my friend told me that i should push through with it. which i gladly obliged.

anyway, backgrounder: my friend was depressed for a little while now. we exchange IM's once in a while to unload some pent up emotions. i asked my friend the reason for his/her anger and told him/her to just let it out. which he/she did. turned out to be one of the best conversations i had in years.

** this is taken straight from the window and i had little patience editing it :) **

thought bubble: i just hope i can take my own advice. it's so easy for me to share advices when, sometimes, i can't even do it. :-(

(his/her text in red)

well i hate Him for taking my dad. i hate Him for making my life like this. i hate him for not giving me a chance to say sorry and make up my mistakes sa dad ko. i hate him dahil yung mga plans nya is bullshit.
sabi nila may purpose sa bawat galaw nya, wala akong nkikitang purpose.

i hate him for making a perfect relationship fail. i hate her for cheating on me. i hate her for still loving me even though she's with someone else now. i hate her bcoz she cant move on. i hate her kasi pinaglaban ko sya sa buong pamilya ko.. sinaktan ko tatay ko, nirisk ko yung relationship namin ng dad ko for her and this is what i get?
i hate myself for doing every stupid thing i did. i hate myself for not having a good relationship with my dad who gave me everything.

AND I HATE THE FACT THAT I CANT TURN BACK TIME AND DO THINGS THE RIGHT WAY ALL OVER AGAIN.
IM LOSING IT BRY.

di kona kya.. gsto ko ng pumutok... ayoko na


He took your dad because his mission is done

no! what mission???

He took your dad because he loves him and he doesn't want him to get hurt by the world anymore. his mission is to be a good father, a good provider, a good person. he did everything he can to be that.

no bry.. u know himdi tottoo yan...

he might lack some things that others cannot understand. but we are all humans. humans are doomed for mistakes. but the good thing about it is he was able to do good things to make up for it.

i spent my whole life w/o my father by my side. alam mo yan. he only gave me a year to be with him. and that year was even rough for us.

every father has to do the things he thinks he can to provide best for his family.

hindi lng kasi yung pag pprovide ang kailngan ko eh! lagi nman yan ang cnasabi sa akin bry

and he also believed that you'd turn out to be a better person, and we all appreciate that. because in his heart, he only wants everyone around him especially his family to be well taken care of.

di pa nya ako inantay kahit sa ICU lng bry,,, just for me to talk to him while he was breathing

love can be demonstrated in many ways. love can be spending time. love can be providing things. love can be many things.
he believed that love he gave for your family. his spirit wanted to say goodbye to you but his body failed him

no bry..

and as much as he would want to make his body better, it would only be difficult for him

people who are dying can wait.. they control everything

because if he says goodbye forever, it will only break him more

if they wanna go they will..

he loves you that much. he saw that you were decided to make a better life for yourself. and that was his dream for you - to be responsible and to learn how to take care of yourself. the mind may be thinking of another thing but humans are contained in their bodies. no matter what others say, we could only go so far as our physical bodies will permit us.

bry, ayaw ba nya ako makita magtapos? ayaw ba nya akong mkita ikasal ako? ayaw ba nyang makita what i'll be in 10 yrs?

he wanted to so much. and he will. and he will be forever happy if he sees you happy, too. your father left you when you were headstrong to become fully responsible and mature. and i believe you would not fail him.
saying goodbye is awful. saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do especially knowing that that is the last goodbye you'll ever say. but in this life, we have to say goodbye.
your father is happy where he is now. i think that is the last lesson he wants to teach you - and that is learning how to let go. let go of the material things that hold you back. let go of the friendships that you lost. let go of the situations that have hurt you. let go of the many things that causes you pain. let go of the people you love.
because it is only in letting go that you are given the chance and the power to finally say goodbye and start anew. it is in letting go that you truly demonstrate your love to that person that you wouldn't hold the person back.

it is in letting go that makes you stronger than you are. holding on to history holds us back because we all know that life goes on. if you're holding back, you're holding back the time that can give you the opportunity to be happy, to be content, to love, to be loved, and to be at peace with what happened.

i want to cry so hard. but i just can't

like i said, it's hard.

i dont wna say na "yeah ok.. i forgive them, ill move on. ill let go" when the truth is, i dont. i wont

yes that is the reality. you have to give it time. you just have to. but as they say, time heals all wounds

how long will it take??

nobody can say

pagod na pgod na ako bry

maybe until you are strong enough, then thats how long it is

panu ka nakamove on kay tito??

honestly, i dont know too. but i know it took a lot of prayers. i was never the perfect son kaya nahirapan din ako. in fact, nag away pa kami on that fateful day. buti have to forgive myself and give it time.

i cnt pray bry yun nga masakit nun bry eh. we were not in good terms when he left. i feel everythings a karma. i think he took him bcoz of me. maybe to realize things; to realize how important he is in my life.. for me to learn how to live w/o him.
i feel so guilty

do you think god really hurts people to learn their lesson?!

if only i cud turn back the time.. i dunno bry.. im taking this in a different way i guess. or i just stil cant accept the fact na he's gone

i know and i understand. the pain and the hurt is just too much sometimes

my once happy life is gone

it is not gone. it only means that a chapter of your life needs continuance.
write it. we write your own destiny. and i know you will.

=== i asked my friend to watch this video ===

lam ko nman lahat yan bry.. msyado lng tlgang malalim yung pinaggagalingan

yeah i know. kailagnan mo lang paalalahanan. to tell you honestly, this weekend was my lowest. buti nalang nakausap ko mommy ko. and natauhan ako.

wla akong means.

we all do.

i feel so alone here.
alone, stupid, angry... parang feeling ko never ending

yeah. i understand naman eh. gawin mong reinforcement yang lungkot mo. you still have your mother. no matter what you say, you still have her.

nandito nga si mami pero wla din sya lagi sa isip. di makapagtrabaho. laging may sakit. laging malungkot. laging frustrated. laging nagse-self pity. di ko alam kung san pa ako huhugot ng lakas ng loob. everyone's down.. lahat bagsak. lahat parang pagod n pagod. parang wlang mgyyri sa buhay nmin. hindi na magiging katulad ng dati when my dad was alive.
everything changed. im so tired na bry.. maybe bcoz of crying

stop for a minute. take a look around.

what? i have nothing

you said everything around you is down. so you better pick up the sword and wage your own battles. help one casualty at a time. but remember to help yourself first before you try to carry others.

its so hard bry..

yeah i know. hindi naman madali eh. alam ko naman yun. life is never easy.

just thinking about my problems,,, wla pa yung solutions ha. mahirap na

eh kasi sabi mo nga diba your'e looking at your problems. you know about it already. stop looking at the problem and start trying out solutions.
alam mo yung pag math problem diba. nose bleed siya talaga. dahil pagod ka na mag isip, titignan mo nalang siya ng titignan.
but the question is, would you wait for the bell to ring? or is it better to look at the book, on how its supposed to be done? or remember what was written on the board, when you were solving the problem with the class? or would it better for you to solve it together with a friend?
gets mo naman diba

copy from others

then do it! life is not fair so you make your own rules. but you must remember, naka-set ang exam. so different problem yung nasayo. iba iba kayo ng problems.

solving with a friend?

(in fairness, i like that metaphor! haha!)

yeah i liked it too. wla nman akong friend.

then think of your friends. a friend is someone you get to know. someone who is more than an acquaintance

kaya nga

so sa dami ng tao jan, the chances of you making friends are endless. and you have us pa kaya!

how can u guys help me then?? e ang layo2 nyo. argh,,,,

what am i doing here?

giving sermons
hehehee

haha im not! im trying to help you - being your sounding board. im helping you realize that no matter what's happening, you are still lucky.
you have a roof on your head, you have a mother. your father might be gone, but imagine the kids who never knew their fathers? who never knew their mothers? who never experienced material things? who never went to school? who never knew love from parents?
diba? in more ways than one, you are still lucky. we are still lucky!

yeah.. lam ko..

so you still have your tools. as tools you have to learn how to use it. so you better start practicing it now bago sila mangalawang or bago pa mawala ang lahat ng yan

bry.. grabe mga examples mo ha..

o diba nasapian ako! haha!

san mo nakukuha nanman yan? frustrated writer?? wow.. thanks for the words of wisdom then,,

pero you have to see what im saying

i did..

ive been there and again, i know that it hurts

a little relieved btw...

yay! good! just pray. bibigyan ka niya ng sagot. pramis!

when? after 10 yrs.. pag maayos na yung buhay ko, when i can stand on my own.. n people begin to say its all in his plan??
like every story... ryt?

its up to you. 10 years can be 20, 30. but it can also be 1 month. a week.

lets put it dis way... he'll give me an ans in his time? tama ako noh???

cummon..

i dont believe that eh. what i believe is he always gives us answers. we just dont want to see/try/acknowledge it

an2k na ako bry thanks for the time buti na lng nandyan ka.

im always here. were all here


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so it ends there.

ciao!

by the way

these happened.

dinner

and of course, we went to papa.

click to enlarge

ciao

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Now playing: Jewel - Foolish Games
via FoxyTunes

serendra

serendra

ok, ok, you can stick a big L on my forehead already. it was my first time in serendra last night. beautiful. we walked around serendra until high street. it was like greenbelt but bigger - a lot bigger.

it was kathy who told us to have dinner last night. so being gullible like children that we are, we all agreed.
yesterday afternoon, she told me that she'll be late though because she has a german class. it was until 9pm. i figured i should go there early so i can go home early because i'm still feeling the remnants of my sickness. so while kathy was enjoying her german sausage, i was in glorietta waiting for yuri so we could go together. it was just 630 when we met.

a couple of texts to macky, kathy, anne, and karen later on, i was "informed" that we are meeting at 9pm and not before it. ASSWIPES!

when kathy texted me that she'd be late, i assumed that the other would be there earlier. what is the point of arriving late if there are no people present YET. right? RIGHT?!

so anyway, while waiting for kathy, yuri and i went around glorietta i guess more than twice already just doing nothing and "canvassing" for yuri's watch. finally, at 830, macky called me up and told me that the dinner thing "might" be cancelled. nako, if you could've seen my face when he told me that. of course 'twould be better to just wait for them than have it cancelled. so before the conversation ended, we agreed that it was all go and that we should go to serendra already.
well, "attempt" to go to serendra is the better word. pakshet! we went around glorietta just to find a cab. and when we almost gave up and almost decided to take the fort bus, instead, we remembered it was easier to get a cab from greenbelt. so from sm makati, we went back again to greenbelt, passing by landmark. aaargh, my legs were already giving up on me and i was feeling i was getting sick again.
finally, after 6013546875 years of standing in front of greenbelt, we were finally able to hail a cab.

and so we arrived. wow. beautiful. *BIG LOSER SIGN ON MY FOREHEAD*
so while still waiting for macky and the rest of the people, we went around serendra, all while yuri has his lower back pains, and i on the verge of having the full-blown flu. we walked around serendra, high street, and back again to serendra.
fast forward, after LOOOOONG minutes of deciding where to eat, we finally settled in Thai Silk right across Abe. place was nice, cozy, and the food was wonderful. quite pricey though. (well what do i expect?! especially if on our next table MRS. IMELDA MARCOS was there! ok, hel-lo!)
so to capture our ka-jologan in the resto, here's a few pics.

(click to enlarge)

after that, we grabbed our desserts in Miss Desserts. Although i was coughing like crazy, i, well most of us, ordered the this super super chocolatey cake called the earthquake. honestly, it was nothing really special, quite expensive for a simple soft chiffon cake overloaded with chocolate and more chocolate.
again, more of our ka-jologan.

so we finally went home around 130am already.
and good new is, now, I'M FUCKING SICK.

** edit (sept09) i never thought that it was possible for me to register above 39 degrees C. fuck. last night it was 39.4. and today it's playing at 38.5 - 39. dammit.

anyway, here's something for laughs. this is what happens when my face and yuri's face are combined. lol.

and here's more. picture no.1 is freaky! so guess which celebrity my face is morphed into. lol.

l-r: jude law, tobey maguire, adrian brody, ben affleck, david beckham.

and this one, almost nothing changed. me and my mom's face, morphed!

ciao!

my blog, i did not forsake thee

my blog, i did not forsake thee

first off, I MISSED WRITING HERE.

i feel like i've cheated my blog because instead of writing here, i've just been posting pictures after pictures. i don't know why, but i just don't have the patience anymore of sitting in front of the computer and staring at the blank page. in any case, i guess i owe this to myself - to write a potentially long post of what's been happening. a collective post, as you might imagine. i just don't know if this is gonna be longer than my october 2005 post.
so just to get my mind straight, let's put everything in its category.


work
yes, work. as you might notice, i haven't been blogging about work at all. the last you've heard is the things i have noticed about customers (which got mixed reactions) in my previous job. but to cut the story short, i've been looking and looking. finally, i've found the job that i think i can excel in. to simply explain it, i teach/train people. for the months before this job, i was at a loss. i guess the collage/abstract photoshop pictures i have put here before was the best explanation. like i said in my panel interview for this job, and that was the only time that i was able to think clearly as to why i seem to be just going 'round in circles, i want to be many things. i don't want to be stuck doing things that are routinary and mechanical. i want things to be fun, exciting, and, to some degree, unexpected. well, yeah. and i've noticed that i have pressured myself too much about having a good job - a job that i really imagine myself doing 2 to 3 years from now.
i have a job now. although, honestly, and i've been saying this to my friends a lot, i know that this is not YET the career i wish to pursue. for now, and i may be wrong, this is just a stepping stone to another career i wish to take. however, i intend to stay here for a couple of years. because as much as i want to jump from one job to another, i still want my future employers to think that i am serious in what i want to do, at least to have a direction, which for now, i don't know if i still have.
so if anyone of you knows a career counselor, refer me. and i'm not kidding.
all these aside, i want to put on record, though, that i have nice colleagues at work. our boss is not like your typical boss. my co-supervisors are as fun and naughty as i. so enjoy lang.
it was also my first ever seminar last thursday and it was the most exciting thing i ever did for work. but tiring at the same time. i don't know but i guess i'm in my element when i'm in front of people just talking and making jokes and at the same time teaching them. hmmm. mag artista kaya ako?

house
i want to sharniwala sa bill ko. feeling ko may magic na nangyayari eh. share naman kayo.
also, just a while ago, while i was on my way to hang my clothes dry, i accidentally bumped on one of the computer speakers and it fell. it didn't break. BUT FUCK. it was not on its wire anymore. i could almost feel my hear pounding as i look at it on the floor. i just came from the bath but fuck, i was sweating like a pig. the reason: it's yuri's speakers. so i immediately sent him a text message about it. as of press time (naks) i still haven't received a reply from him. i just hope no blood gets spilled over a speaker.
it was also last monday that our helper, ungga (yeah that's been his name eversince), waxed my floor. my floor now, for lack of a lesser word, DAZZLING. hehe. sa floor lang pala yun. kasi nagmukhang malinis ang bahay after that. hahaha.

election day
while in the subject of monday (may 14), i went back again for the second time to execute my right of suffrage. wanna know whom i voted for?
i forgot the order but it was LEGARDA, ESCUDERO, LACSON, PANGILINAN, AQUINO, ANGARA, ARROYO, ZUBIRI, PICHAY, PIMENTEL, DEFENSOR, RECTO.
it was so freaking hot in the precinct that i forgot i was voting for VILLAR. dammit i don't want to vote for recto and angara but i just itched to put them in the 11th and 12th post. damn the heat, i forgot about villar.
i voted for BINAY but i didn't vote for MERCADO simply because i don't like the way he smiled in their posters. para siyang walang alam tapos sumabit lang sa ticket nila binay. tapos si binay, dahil nasanaya na kay mercado, dinadala pa rin niya hanggang ngayon. ergo, the vicious cycle. haha. ang babaw, pero i didn't vote for JUST because of what he looks like. and to be on the logical side, though, i don't really know if he has projects in makati lol.

jen's visit
a month before the election day, jen came without a warning. like a thief in the night, she just "missed-call" (verb na pala ito) me. and when i realized that it was the week when she was supposed to arrive, i texted with; BITCH! ARE YOU HERE ALREADY? i dunno if those were the exact words but it definitely came off as something like that. ask jen! haha. so she was. the end.
haha kidding. we made plans to have dinner with her on saturday. so along with her pasalubong and (although i've heard her sing this before over the phone) the "crocodile, crocodile, may we cwoss the wotah, ta see ya loveleh dawtah, in a cup o' saucah!" rhyme, we also took pictures hehe.

[PICTURES]

two days before she left, we went out again. i asked permission from jen's mom but she said that we can only have her until early evening. i asked why, she said that her daughter is so makalat and magulo that all her stuff still isn't packed in the luggage. so i said, we'll make do with that time. it was supposed to be an early dinner with the same gang with patty. but patty was in leyte. abner tried to make it and cheska said she'll follow. we ended up with yuri, jd and mikee. turned out to be fun!

doing dance revo... i never thought i'd use that word again.

modelingfuck face

uhhm.. hmmmm...

seems like glow in the dark air hockey

remember this pose

and again...

lol!

seriously. what's up with that pose??

fucking around

hahahahahahahaha! aylovet!

wooshoo!

posing with a baby with wind in hair? amazing.

SO ENOUGH OF JEN.

for the past few days, mikee has been visiting my house and here's what i have.
now who can say that a flight attendant landed in their house?! haha! luckily the plane need not crash.

"would you like a barf bag, sir?"

family
i just talked to my mom this morning and she was worried that my brother and sister won't make it here in june. their greencards still has not arrived. i'm praying that it gets to them fast because i'm thinking about dumaguete and makati with them already every single day. and i've already arranged it with my boss to be on leave from the 22nd to the 29th. haay... dear god, please give them the greencard already.
there is also a growing tension here at home because of my cousin lilane, whom by the way is 6 months pregnant (i think). whatever is happenning, i wish her well and i'm missing her already. i really wish her all the best and god's guidance and providence.
hay family. you really can't choose your family so you just have to stick it up and swallow everything.


grabe i didn't know that i was typing a novel na. haha. sorry.
i just want to share to you the message i sent to someone through friendster because of her shout out.
here's what she said:

"Before I let you go, I want to say I love you!!! I dont know how it started and didnt expect will end this way... but one thing's for sure... I dont regret loving you! Maybe another time... in another lifetym. "

this is what i said:

or maybe not.
or maybe you don't deserve that brand of love.
or maybe you can do far better.
or maybe, it's already staring you in the eye and you just don't take notice.
or maybe, i'm just crazy.
or maybe, i know nothing of love.
or maybe, i'm mad.

but this one's for sure: we love because we are humans. but humans are in such madness that we forget what loving really is. and that's the vicious cycle.

but i hope you continue to love.
love yourself more first.
for you plant the seed of love in yourself first before someone can taste the sweetness of its fruits.

i dunno, i just felt mushy about it. haha

ciao!