Remember me?

I think it has been almost a year since I last posted. I kinda miss reading through my days back when I was still active in blogging. Microblogging sites (Twitter and Facebook, I'm looking at you!) have already taken over. At least for me. And I haven't really felt the need to be writing about what I feel for the longest time. It makes me have to recollect and evaluate how I feel about certain things. After all, this is my repository. But since it's a Friday night and I'm just home doing nothing, I guess, this sort of gives me the go ahead to post it all on here, albeit, randomly. 

I have been in the company for more than three years. I didn't realize until mid this year that this has been my longest stint in a company. More than three years. Wow. First thought, there's still no promotion. WTF. I always get this "Hey, great job on this" "Good job on that!" "I appreciate that." Well, fuck you. I don't need sweet words, I need a promotion. Otherwise, you're just patronizing me and I hate that. Yeah. FUCK YOU.

BUT.

I love what I do. Those fucktards are lucky because I seriously love what I do. It's not that kind of thing you just tell yourself when you feel like you're stuck in a rut. Because heaven knows, I really love what I do. One more extra-curricular thing in this job that I love doing is hosting. So thank for events. And events have been many. 

But seriously, I think I have already set something this year for myself. If there is no promotion this year, I shall say goodbye and look for another company to work for - some place where I'm not just given a thumbs up but rewarded. My beef with this company is that it fucking lacks focus especially on the people who work for them. I've seen some people - good, competent people - leave because of that. Promotion, sometimes, is not because of merit but because of your closeness to certain figures. I shall refrain myself from naming names. 

In other news, it's gonna be Lola's first death anniversary soon. I can't believe it has already been a year. I was just watching the video I took of her a few weeks before she died and I can't help feeling nostalgic and sad. I'm quite surprised because I've never lived with her when I was young - spare some summer vacation I've spent in Dumaguete - and I really miss her. 

I remember when I came back for her birthday last year and I just wanted to spend time with her. It was one of those late afternoons that she was just watching TV when I sat beside her. I don't know if she noticed but I was exerting extra effort to talk to her and really just spend time with her. Sigh. 

Well, it's been almost a year. Fuck time flies by so fast. 

Speaking of time, it's nearly my 30th birthday. WHAT. THE. HELL. 30.

I've never really given much thought to it until last month when I felt I was really gonna hit 30. There's just something in that number that made me wanna stop myself and think about the things I've done in the past (almost) 30 years. No, it's not something emo or anything. It's more of "what have I done with my life?" sort of thing. It just hit me. It really did. And hard.

So I loosely planned what I wanted to do and it was a lot. There is one basic thing, though, in the many plans I've thought of - I wanna do something big, perhaps a first. I thought about traveling by myself alone somewhere. I've thought about celebrating it in an orphanage, too. I've thought about inviting the special 30 people in my life and giving them something. In any case, I just want to do something I don't normally do on my birthday. 

(Fuck I'm really turning 30!)

This is where all this gets interesting (REALLY?) I'm still single. The last time I was in a relationship was when I started working for the company I'm currently in. I was 26 then. I didn't realize that when I get to almost 30, it will somehow feel like a race - a race where I'm not really too keen on competing but it's just there. A nagging, dull, feeling about me being single. For lack of a better term, I'm afraid (not sure if I'm really fearful about it) that I'm really used to being single. I've done things by myself for many, many, many occasions already that it does not bug me. Well, spare this few months before I turn 30 because it does. 

One last, something from the old chest of my memory came back to reality just last week. My immigration papers. After 11 years. I seriously don't know how to feel about it. There's that bleak, hazy, image of New York, though. But seriously. I knew by the start of the year that something really big, something life-changing will happen to me this year. I'm still praying for that and I'm not even sure what it is. 

Oh well. That's all for now. I guess my number of words for the day is met. 

Ciao.

Veintiocho

a delayed greeting

i forgot that last june 28 is my blog's 6th year.

wow.

i never keeping something up this long for *this* long. to think i'm doing this for nothing.

happy 6th year manokchicken!

thank you!

for surviving the quarter life, thank you.
for all the happiness you brought to my life, i am very much fulfilled.
for the hardships and sorrows, i learned.
for the people around me, i'll always be there for you, too.
for the decisions - big and small, i've no regrets.
for the love you've given me, i love you, too.

cheers to a great year, cheers to the coming years.
muli, maraming, maraming, maraming salamat!

and lord, salamat sa 26 years.

papa at 50

i still can't believe that papa is 50. that's if he's still alive. see, he died when he was 39. some say life has not even begun for him.

i remember his 39th birthday, his last birthday. it was like christmas. only better. we had crispy pata, kare-kare (my favorite), and all the fattening filipino specialties. i know the celebration was something bigger than usual. i don't know why, but i remember my mom saying, "minsan lang mangyari 'to." we didn't know that she will be referring to his death in a few month's time.

of us three siblings, the youngest takes his appearance and mannerisms. they have the same soft, rounded face, sad eyes -- big and dipping on the far ends. their noses are not aqualine yet not flat, it's slightly matangos but a bit plump near the nostrils. their lips are also both slightly full and a little pouty upper lip. their chins, small and almost inexistent.

i might have described myself a bit but they look more similar. but i digress.

so today, after office, i went to hear mass in don bosco for papa's 50th birthday (still can't believe 'twas that soon) and bought a cake.

unfortunately, the guy at the bakeshoppe murdered the cake. i can barely read "papa" and there was an "erasure" on the "50."

buti nalang birthday ni papa, kaya di ko nalang pinansin.

and no, i'm not that matakaw. i shared it with cheska, mok, tito boy, and mama tess after dinner.

happy birthday papa!
mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita.

anyway, that's all. ciao!

ps:

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8

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANOKCHICKEN

5 YEARS!

i've been blogging for 5 years! haha who would've thought i'd have the patience and dedication to keep this up and running for 5 years!

it's been 5 years... jeeze...

daryll

happy birthday

daryll!

=P

happy silver!

sa nawawala kong bespren, kasambahay (hindi katulong), kaklase, kalaro, kaibigan, kabarkada, kapuso, kapamilya, kakulitan, kasama sa kung anu-ano at saan-saan man...


yuri pakita ka na! (moomoo?!)

bente singko: none the wiser

so this is how it feel like eh? i feel no different. i believe i'm still the same me 24 hours ago. it's just that i get another freakin' year on my age and now i'm... ugh... 25. it pains me. i should be dead at this age.
i think it would take me a year to completely realize that. plus, by the time that i do, i'm frucking 26. in five years, i'll be 30. oh. my. god. jeeze, time flies so fast -- too fast.

since this is SUCH a milestone, no matter how much i really don't appreciate it, i guess i should do something milestone-y as i did five years ago when i looked back at everything that happened. also, since blogger has no lj-cuts (well, i can't figure out how), i guess i should tell you that this is going to be a long-ass entry.

looking back, as fast as those 25 years passed by, it came by so slowly. some days, i let slip by and some days i wished to stop time and cherish forever. so here goes:

i always tell my friends that i had a very happy childhood. i cannot complain. we were not filthy rich, but our lives were comfortable. life was simple then and i had what i needed. i was the only child for 6 amazing years. best parents. janna and daryll came into the picture and life, from then on, became much more exciting. i became the kuya and.. well, you get the picture. i had that. and i miss that, too. thank god i have the best papa and mommy and a brother and a sister to boot.

as suddenly as people came to my life, so suddenly did people go. in that quarter of a century, i forged new friendships that last me up to this very day and lost two important people in my life -- my grandfather and my father. papa was just 39 at that time. they say life begins at 40 but i think my father lived more than a full life. he was, in all aspects, a father. for that alone, i am grateful.
his death brought forth so many changes in my life that, sometimes, i wonder if i will still have the life i have today. my family is now in the US. my mom is married to jamie -- a good man. janna and daryll are now starting to get older and live their own lives. i could never be so proud of them.

i was also fortunate to have lived with yuri whom i became very close to. see, we were not really the best of friends when he offered to live in my apartment. when we started to live together, there never went a week without us fighting and arguing even about the most mundane and trivial things. i can say, though, that whatever that relationship is, it is all good. i have never revealed such a complete me to anyone as i have to him and him to me. he's just like the go-to guy when i'm in doubt of anything. ours was something deep and profound that i think i would never share with another human being.
these are just some of the reasons why i was actually broken to see him go to cebu late last year. if this post serves as a venue for me to be frank, then i'm telling you that it pains me so much to have not heard from him since early this year. whenever i'm asked of him, alli can say is that he's fine, when in reality, i have no idea in hell what's been happening to him. i was beginning to think that it's all my fault. it's just like losing someone and never knowing how and why.
BUT (you know this is coming). as much as it hurts me like mother, i am thankful for what has happened/is happening. it makes one stronger. the stronger, the better.

good for me i'm not dead yet as of writing, at least i've the opportunity to thank half of the people i'm supposed to thank. =)

so moving along...

i want to say sorry to the people i have hurt knowingly and unknowingly. i know i can be a little hard headed sometimes. i can be aggressive. i can be annoyingly loud. i can be painful to deal with. i can be whiny. i can be very judgmental. i also have temporary bouts with amnesia. i can get too emotional. i get overly sensitive and i can also get insensitive to your feelings. i can be manipulative. sometimes, too, i can be an asshole - a jerk. i can be a lying and deceiving ass. i put up a very strong facade. i am also vulgar and scandalous. sometimes, i'm just to hard to put up with, too. for this blog, i can be too heavy and depressing. and i'm a bit calloused, as well. for that, i offer my humblest, deepest, and sincerest apologies.
to the people i love, i know i still have a lot of issues. i know my lapses, and i acknowledge each and everything about it. but no worries, i'll work and i'm working on those.

in retrospect, though, i think this is what life is about -- at least the 25 years of it. we all just have to get better at it.

mommy, you already know what i'd say. thanks so much for always being there. i love you always and i can't wait to see you soon. i know everything that has happened between us two and in our family has been hard and sometimes it's just too much to bear. remember to just look around and we are all there by your side. we're all grown up now and we can/will help. after all, you've raised us well. pero hindi ko pa rin nakakalimutan ang slr ko! hahaha. joke lang! pero totoo yan haha

janna and daryll, you have been my strength. believe it or not, when i do something, i always think about what you both will say/think/do. because of you two, i have learned to be conscious of being a kuya to both of you. my childhood - my life - will never be complete without you. of course, there may have been times that you wish i was not your brother, and you two not my siblings. hell we're all learning. and through all these, i have learned to be someone that you can depend on. wag lang pera =)

yuri, no matter where you are, no matter what you're going through, do remember that what we have is something that i will cherish. i may not be the best, but i've given you my best. i hope you, at the very least, appreciate that. i hope to see you if not hear from you soon. i miss doing things with you.

jamie, thank you so much for being a good husband to my mother and a good stepdad to my siblings. know that i appreciate that a lot.

tita dolly and tita guing, my surrogate mothers =) thank you for taking time to be there for me. you might not know, but those seemingly mundane chats and conversations helped me a lot especially those times when i really need a family to get me through. i'm grateful as well that you always boost my confidence when i'm either at my lowest of lows and highest of highs. i love you both.

mama tess, you've truly lived up to the name i alone call you. you've been my mama when mommy's gone. thanks, too, not only for the daily dinners you wholeheartedly invite me to, but also for being a confidante when life at home gets crappy. thank you so much!

macky, what can i say? we've known each other since 1992 and we're still friends. you really are one good friend to keep. you are also a friend i know who will stand up with me no matter what. you no longer have to prove anything because in those 16 years of friendship, you've already done enough. thanks macky for everything. tigilan mo na lang ang sugal haha.

rr, the ever cheerleader. you know, whenever i feel low, i see to it that i talk to you because you always take things that i carry lightly -- in a good way. that's what i need during those times. you also never fail to boost my confidence whenever i start to doubt myself on the things i can do. thank you, too, for taking my advices seriously. frankly, ikaw na lang ata ang naniniwala sakin pag nagiging preachy na ko hehe.

japs, tracy, michelle, gracey, peter -- my closest barkada, we've all come so far and we've seen each other mature. imagine, from those petty high school fights to life-altering situations, we've stuck together and came out stronger. whatever differences we have and have had, we still managed to stay friends. enp forever na talaga to!

pres, my soulee. soulfriend, it's been so long! i have to thank you because you've made college life much easier for me and i hope i did the same for you. after all, i did some of your plates back then haha. love you soulee!

jd, abner, cheska, jen, patty -- my college friends. who would have known that the person who "snubbed" you in the early part of college would be your friend? lol. i hope to see you guys soon even though i'm usually unavailable for gimiks.

sharon, who would think that you are one of the few people who've seen me cry? hehe. you're one of the most dependable friends i have and i would never think we'd reach this level of friendship. you're one of the few surprises in my life and for sticking out with me during since then, thank you so much!

my ps friends, kat, ivar, bongga, ruffa, pam - i can't say thank you enough. it's because of you guys that made my life in PS worthwhile. hindi ko inakalang sa iksi ng panahon na nakasama ko kayo, magiging ganito tayo kalapit sa isa't isa. dahil sa walang kupas niyong pagkakaibigan, maraming salamat!

my tdd family- tintin, shey, anton, coco, vins, denz, ice, mai, cathy, jonel, charles, reg: you don't know how much you've helped me during those times that i just can't seem to function. remember the time that i told you guys that i do not intend to stay there for a long time? well, because of all of you, leaving has become a very difficult decision to make. i shall only be gone when you guys are, walang iwanan. =)
tin, thanks so much for being a friend. i never knew that an english-speaking kolehiyala will become one of my trusted friends haha. shey, hindi ko rin inakala na magiging close tayo. now, you have become one of the friends that i can really talk to, hindi mo man alam. kapamilya, maraming salamat ng sobra sobra. =)

to the people i failed to mention, you'll always be in my heart. yes, i do have a heart. =P

it makes me cringe to say it but, I'LL SEE YOU IN ANOTHER 25 YEARS!

this one's for us!

i'll get by with a little help from my friends!

ciao!

papa's day

happy birthday daryll!

happy birthday daryll!

to the women of my life

happy birthday janna and mommy!

i love you both to no end.

happy birthday macky!

happy birthday rr!

from all of us!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YURI!

chico de cumpleaños

so, at exactly 1030 this morning, i officially turned 22.

ok 23.

fine, 24. and that's my final answer.

i wanted to go sentimental and maybe do something creative about it. but, as usual, i was quite lazy to do it. the day is over. as of writing, it's already 6:12pm. i haven't done anything "birthday-ey" or anything close to celebrating it. if sleeping in the afternoon is celebrating, then i had made a big celebration out of it.

i just remembered the movie i watched with friends the other day (perfume: the story of a murderer) i just wish i was THAT passionate about something that i'd be miserable if i can't have it. i also wish that i could just live the moment while carefully planning every move that i make towards that end goal. stop.

my god, i remember that i always say during interviews that my goal is to become a millionaire by age 30. uhh hello, i'm not even worth 12 thousand right now. LOLsss... *cries*
haha. every minute, every day, that goal gets bleaker and bleaker, if there's such a word.

ps. this post goes without saying that you should watch Perfume: The Story of a Murderer.
and of course greet me on my failure to find the fountain of youth.

happy 18th birthday janna!

the normal rounds

the normal rounds

and yet another round of genital and anal violation. not that violation, you perve! i just came home from another round of medical exams. fuck i've never been medically examined for 3 times in a span of less than 12 months! go figure. and for the first time in my whole semi-damned life, someone touched and pressed and pinched my privates. not exactly my cup of tea especially if you are butt naked (hmm) on a cold black leather (erotic huh!) bed by a gloved (and another sexually related term) semi-obese doctor. damn. funny, though, that when he was doing the stethoscope check on my heart, he said, ".. kinakabahan ka.. sus, check up lang to" i just put on my ngiting aso. CHECK UP?!?! OK KA LANG, DOC? MATAPOS MONG HAWAKAN AT BULATLATIN ANG MGA KA-KUWANAN KO?!?!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

stop.

in other news, it was macky's birthday yesterday and i PLANNED on greeting him on the latest hour. so in the middle of the day, he texted me with: pakyu ka, mga pakulo mong babatiin mo ko mamayang gabi para ikaw kunyari ang last nagtext. lumang style na yan! alam ko na yan!
i laughed so hard because... because... period. so come the last hour i texted him this.

macky, today will inevitably be over. but as eternal as its changing, our friendship will definitely live on. happy birthday, macky!! god bless..

i woke up today receiving this: pakyu dahil sa pakulo mo tuluyan mo na kong di na-greet!
HAHAHAHHAHA.. sorry macky i was using chikka that's why you might have not received it. sorry macky to the nth level. but i posted it here, so voila!

in other, other news, i am now a happy customer. just look!

(click image to see larger)

PAKSHET DIBA?!?!?! I EVEN SURPASSED THE T1 SPEED!!!!!!!
i just downloaded the torrents for desperate houswives and gilmore girls - for 30 FUCKING MINUTES ONLY!!! damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my gas, happy customer ako ng globe por da pers taym!!! mamatay kayo sa inggit! mga 2 hours na siyang ganyan hahahahahahahaha!

ciao!

ze movie

ze movie
with subtitles and commentaries

as a movie fan (it would be the most appropriate word since i'm neither a buff or a geek) i love the two latest movies i watched.
the curse of the golden (bibe) flower and history boys.
the curse is a massive visual poetry on silver screen. you just gotta love it. and what stuns me (i have no idea if it was purely based on historical facts) is the fact that through all of the character's motives and deception, it's ironic that in the end (SPOILER ALERT!!!) only two are left, the two who started it all, the emperor and the empress. my gulay, this movie kept me on the edge of seat (partly because of the subtitles, i can't eat my burger properly)

historical boys, on the other hand, left us stupid in a good way. amidst it's intellectual exchange of words and sarcasm, i just want to sometimes scream WAIT, SLOWLY PUHHLEASE! (come back again from the top for the second time around) one word, though: NEETCHAAY. lols.

and oh, i lost my wallet just a while back. we were in the cab already making its way to EDSA when the FUCK, WHERE'S MY WALLET drama took place. we instructed the cab driver to go back and wait for me while i go run for only a matter 30 seconds before i reach the cinema (a record i must say). while my legs were shaking and my breath on the verge of exiting my body in a very critical manner, i asked the guard "i left my wallet (breathe, breathe... breathe) can you help me (breathe, breathe) find it? (MORE BREATHS)

"ah baka yun yung nakita diyan, anong kulay?"
"itim"
"halika" while he ushered me to another reception desk and gave me my wallet
"paki-check lang po, bago kayo umalis"
"there's no money to lose, thank you manong..." and i shoook his hand
my gulay, the janitor who found it and the guard who returned should be rewarded in heaven (no money, remember?)

ok that's it for tonight. i know that when i read this post tomorrow, it's still only i who could understand what i wrote here. thanks for decoding.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

YURI!
god bless you always!

ciao!