dusk

It is of longing and wanton remembrance that I am lost in this wonderfully hellish memory of you tonight.

To my lover

You, whose face I haven’t set my eyes on

Whose eyes bear the strength of the tiger’s

And the seeming innocence of a child's,

Look upon the lines of my face

The crow’s feet that

Stretches into my temples –

Eyes that were once

In hopeful anticipation

Of you.

And the old laugh lines beside

My mouth that has grown

Weary, and tired, and wasted.

You, whose gentle slope of the shoulders

Ironically, radiates permanence,

For a minute, feel my arms

Down to my fingertips

Its strength now uncertain

Now suspicious.

Of nothing

Of everything.

You, whose hair so badly I want to get a whiff of

Even just for a moment –

Just a fraction of eternity

To run my fingers down to your neck

And pull you in

For just a fleeting, maybe

Stolen

Kiss.

Wrap me, too, in your embrace

Until I memorize the feeling of

Your mysterious hand through my knowing hand.

I shall become you

And you shall become me,

And us, one.

You, whom I have not seen,

Whose hands I have memorized,

Whose kiss I have tasted,

Whose eyes, I have only imagined,

Find me.

.

rgt

The Road Not Taken

By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

sorry i could not travel both and be one traveler

walker

When I no longer have your heart

I will not request your body

your presence

or even your polite conversation.

I will go away to a far country

separated from you by the sea

-- on which I cannot walk --

and refrain even from sending

letters

describing my pain.

-- Alice Walker

corazon c. aquino

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.

- Mary Elizabeth Frye

the dissection

and in that one moment --
in that smallest fraction
of time,
all that is permanent,
all that is true
and that i hold dear,
become ambiguous
and ephemeral
and insubstantial.

it is, then,
in those fleeting seconds,
i
celebrate.

in one sentence

deeper and deeper i shall go inside my self that is in perennial longing and unrestrained remembrance of those playful trickles of memories of your eyes, your lips, your nose, and your smile whilst finding my whole in lust and passion of that look, of that touch, of that kiss, and of that warm embrace -- snapshots that playfully grind my heart into a thousand throbbing pieces that moan and cry and whisper only for your name and still, i breathe and i live and i wait for yet another moment of that same madness that murders me to the core of my being.

ang balong sa tagsibol

at muling sisibol ang pinakamagandang kwento ng aking pagkatao /
dahil sa bukal ng iyong puso na bubuhay sa mga tuyot na diwa nito /
dito uusbong ang panibagong pagsilang ng sariling
buo at ganap //

nearing completion

i am almost there.

i am at the precipice.

i am at the tipping point.

i am at the brink.

i am at the zenith.

i am at the cliff.

i am at the lion's den.

i am on slippery ground.

i will be under fire.

one last step --

one more step.

i will be devoured.

i will be burned.

and i shall blissfully walk

towards eternity.

sometimes, you don't want to be invisible

i am walking and looking back --
trodden steps laid deep in mud.
nine equally spaced steps
etched clearly, drawn deeply.

yet, it is only i that sees

those nine -- my gauntlet.

taft

at nilakad niya ang kahabaan ng taft, sa gilid ng mga humaharurot na mga jeepney at nagngangapal na usok. binabaybay ang bangketa ng kamalayan at naroon sa mga bawat sulok nakapaskil ang mga titk, letra, at imahe ng mapagmalaking kahapon. sadyang ginuguhit at nilililok sa hibla ng bawat kalamnan. sa dulo ng isang makipot na eskinita

naroon siya.

a love story

you
me
eternity
damned.

snippets

just yesterday, i was held up.

by my dentist. i've been thinking about it right after the procedure. i've also been thinking about it last night. and frankly, everytime i do, i would just cringe at the fact that i spent thousands and thousands of bloody pesos just for my teeth.

i'm broke to the nth degree.

so goodbye james blunt concert. goodbye (my friend, you have been the one... you have been the one foooorrr meeeee).

and yes, i've been brushing my teeth, thank you very much.

mommy call me, i need to tell you something. and call me when you're at the best of moods. haha.

____________

for a few months now, for every step i take, i take two steps back. i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me but i keep on second guessing myself. i just have a lot of things in my mind that i feel i can no longer contain. it gets tiring at times. but what can i do? for now, i believe that's the best thing i can do.

i need a therapist.

____________

i've been obssessing about something. is that included in the 7 deadly sins? i really think i'd be an excellent private investigator.

so shall i be.

sniff. sniff.

____________

yosi

yet again,
i kiss the burning fire -
so shall it bear
new life.

fiery
is the glowing red
that slowly devours
its own offspring.

its travails
seem but futile -
its intentions
still hazy.

and so shall this
kiss
end
in eternity.

ciao!

work news

(i forgot to publish this last week and i just noticed this sitting on my desktop. feb29)

it was a hit!

for two weeks now, i've been busy preparing for our quarterly area managers conference. along with the conference, there will be two new product launch on the same day.
i was tasked to make the audio-visual presentation/infomercial for one of the new products to be launched. the president strongly reiterated that he wants to strike the emotional nerve of the area managers. and being the emo kid that i am, i was too happy to oblige. gaaaahhh...

after today's event, i can't say anything more! the infomercial was a hit! according to my immediate supervisor, there were a handful of people who were wiping the tears off their faces when the lights went on again. unfortunately, i didn't see it happen because i was on the projection room doing the audio. but needless to say, i am satisfied. sure there were a lot more tweakings that i want to do but it did its job.
ganyan lang, isubsob lang ang sarili sa trabaho.

i want to congratulate our team for yet another successful conference. the product launches were GREAT! and this has just to be said, hats off to coco, our new officer-in-charge, for a very successful first project under his helm!

CLICK - PICTURES - CLICK

---------------------

i cast these ropes
upon you, my prey -
drag you
until you lay at my feet,
still perfect.
and i, your predator
shall consume you,
slowly,
until every part of you
becomes part of me.

because i am afraid - vid. ed.

i was kinda inspired to do this today. this is a 'concept film' whatever that means. open for discussion, critique, and whatever.

hope you appreciate it.

ciao!

and because i am afraid
you slipped away

from my loveless arms
that knows no warmth

and because i am afraid
you got lost in my darkness

that gives no repose
but endless wanderings.

what i can i make of this
whispers to the wind;

about that time i was yours
and you were mine.

and because i am afraid
you gently unfurled your sails.

sailing wordlessly
across the silent ocean;

that same deep yet unforgiving ocean
that once scalded my skin.

and because i was afraid
i know nothing now

but to love you in the distance
as the sun slowly embraces the horizon.

epilogue: i shall stand here until the sand collapse under my feet,
until i finally learn how to fly.

XVII (I do not love you...)

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I do not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

sandali
nalang
at ang
ugat ay
dadampi na
sa lupa.

gahol na
sa oras
ngunit tila
nananadya
ang mga bulaklak
sa pagbuka
at pagsibol.

malapit na,
ngunit ang lupa
ay uhaw pa rin
sa pangako
ng tag-ulan.

the time is slowly coming

when i face the unwanted music

life has set for me.

every tick of the clock

becomes painfully fast
yet cruel and slow.

in agony, i cover my ears

i seek comfort

in silence

and in my inaction.

but it's steady beat

forces itself

through my very core.

its rhythm, pushes me

every beat, pulsates

with pompous reminders

of the hours gone by.

slowly,

everything has gained new meaning.

every word spoken,

every moment spent

rewards me

with wanton remembrance.

and my legs begin to give in,

my hands falter,

my words stutter.

in the flurry of all confusion,

through the constant distress,

i will force myself here

until i can no longer feel.

until i can no longer remember.

everything in reckless abandon.

tick... tock...

i walked through streets today
amidst the pulse of the crowd
the constant buzz all around
the rain won't stop

i see through people's eyes
they were empty, what a pity
not a flicker of light, not a soul
and the rain won't stop

i run though the floods
i run through the cold
slowly, steadily, it catches me inside
and i know

the rain won't stop
and i cry a little each time
my tears wouldn't dry
and i die on every raindrop
tell me, who feels fine

i saw us dancing today
i know i saw us fly
through the gushing winds
the raging storms
oh, the rain won't stop

the rain won't stop
as we both shared love
it was starless that night
so you went and took flight

who wants make believe?
i thought you too want it real
wouldn't you just agree
just to please be with me.

will the rain ever stop
as my tears hide from each drop

so i'll pray each time,
that the rain won't stop.

____