can't think of a title and another "random" as a title will make this blog even worse so i'll go for what i said -- can't think of a title

It’s weird seeing you again. I don’t know if it’s because seeing your face takes me back to that dark past or I’m just not the same anymore. Either way, I’ve already said my piece and I’ve already drawn the lines – lines that I will keep uncrossed for both our sakes. Because I’m done playing the game and I’m done playing the victim. You can screw up and I won’t be there for you to blame. Yes, I guess we can be friends for now. Know, though, that I don’t keep friends who lie and deceive and scheme.

In a matter of days, my two kakampi in HR will be transferred to another department. Now all the heads are from the competing company. Next year, you can call it the *** microcosm outside *** office. That sucks, ha. Don’t even get me started with their salaries.

Christmas is very, very near. I’m suddenly torn whether I want a new bed or a semi-badly needed new phone. Whatevs. I’ll know when I’m about to buy. Though… the room sure needs some upgrading. Haha.

I’m slowly bringing myself into a world that is new to me. I wonder how it goes. For now, I’m quite enjoying it and to some level, I’d say I feel much better when I’m lost in that world.

of purpose

thought of the day:

sometimes when you feel like your day has no purpose, make up one.

of getting back to my passion

it started with getting inspired to fold pieces of paper or what is called origami. which, by the way, i thoroughly enjoyed.

[out of topic: i seriously need to go to saizen and hoard as much stuff as i want to. i need company though to make it funner. =) ]

then, back to my dusty sketchpads and pencils.

and a while back, i spontaneously bought my first book after a long while. the rule of four by ian caldwell/dustin thomason.

i've been here before and i guess, i'm liking it. =)

* i shall post pictures soon.

... creatively

I think I've quite mastered the Art of Being Quiet.

-__-

it just goes in circles

this week i'm stressed. i'm not even handling a batch this week (and the next batch) but i'm quite stressed. it's as if i'm beginning to feel suffocated. things that i have been trying to forget the past few months are starting to resurface and i'm not ready to face them just yet.

they always do.

in those now brief yet often moments of solitude i find myself in, they always seem to be breaking out of those compartments i tried to hide them in. and i always seem to catch my breath when they do.

friday was supposed to be something i looked forward to. yet it ended far from what i have planned -- i suddenly felt sad. and alone. and helpless.

(i'm still looking for that writing mojo.)

i wanted to take a hiatus from this blog thing. less talk, less writing, less thinking, less feeling, less introspection, less emotions... i just read what's on the paper, crumple it, and hide it somewhere i won't remember. gibberish.

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kelan ba dadating? medyo naiinip na ko.

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makikita din kita. =)

random thoughts

i don't expect you to adjust so quickly. but i hope you are mature enough to know.

_________

i'm getting good at the un-feeling.

_________

i want an honest to goodness mature, stable, honest, forever kind of relationship. i'm done with the games people play.

_________

sometimes i wonder how it is to be the one leaving.

_________

i want to be brave enough.

_________

i want you to be brave enough.

boraemo (bora-emo)

down time

today, i'm supposed to be excited. today i'm supposed to be giddy about packing as i usually am when i'm about to go somewhere. but today, tonight, i drown myself in sadness.

i keep telling myself that people always leave -- that i should get used to it. after all, i've been left by people for quite a good number of times already. still, though, i think that if and when the time is right, they'll come back. it's the waiting that kills me. it's the not-knowing part that kills me.

i digress.

here's what i really want to say: I MISS YOU.

and the sad part is, i can't wait forever.

ganun pala

... ang feeling ng ikaw ang chine-check out.

=/

it struck again

my hyperacidity that is.

i was just planning to watch my series last night when my back began to ache. i knew it too well. that's how my second attack started -- back ache, hurt in all positions, cold sweats, shortness of breath.

then it started.

i decided to just sit and wait for it to subside. it started at around 11:30 until i was too tired and went to bed at 5 in the morning with my stomach still hurting.

i didn't want to rush myself in the ER this time. i don't have health coverage yet.

it sucks. and most of all it hurt.