happy 18th birthday janna!

ready for love

I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here
ready for love, i. arie

i am ready for love. yes, we're talking about love life. my friend sha and i were just talking about something when the subject of love came up. i am ready for love. i think this is my affirmation. but i am not searching for it. i don't plan on it. i don't like anyone to try to make things happen. i want it to be special. i want love to find me. i want the person to just suddenly come to my life, and i to come to the person's life, as well. they say love finds its way. i'm waiting to be found. i'm walking, but not searching. i'm wanting, but not expecting. i guess, for the longest time, i can say, i'm ready for love.

epilogue

"when you hurt as much, you can't get hurt twice." - breaking and entering

of sirens and fire trucks

it's been almost 30 minutes now since i've heard the fire trucks' sirens going on and off. i've just come from the terrace and in just a minute, i think there were 8 fire trucks running along the main street just a block away from my house. fire trucks and ambulances. all honking and sounding their sirens.

with the auditory overload of sirens going on and the continuous revving of fire trucks on the streets, i feel as if there is an impending danger - a danger that is devoid of any sense other than what i am hearing. i can't help but be nervous and a bit terrified. and there's another army of firetrucks again flying down the streets.

i prayed that there will be no one hurt. i prayed that if there were people hurt, recovery will be upon them in no time. i prayed that should there be houses burnt, there will somewhere that they can stay in until the time they get their lives on track.

i can still remember the weeks just after my father died. there were no ambulances present when he was rushed to the hospital. or if there were, i did not know because i was in school. it's the ugly thought that whenever i hear sirens at night, i prayed so hard that it will never be my mother in that ambulance who was often out at night. out not to have a good time. rather, to forget everything. i can still remember the feeling of the cold slowly going up my spine whenever i lay at night trying to disregard that ugly thought. i can still feel the foreboding terror. and all i do is pray, pray, pray.

i still hear the sirens. people are now on the streets with their night shirts on trying to see and talk about what is happenning. dogs are barking still at the seemingly annoying sounds. it's been over 40 minutes now.

the normal rounds

the normal rounds

and yet another round of genital and anal violation. not that violation, you perve! i just came home from another round of medical exams. fuck i've never been medically examined for 3 times in a span of less than 12 months! go figure. and for the first time in my whole semi-damned life, someone touched and pressed and pinched my privates. not exactly my cup of tea especially if you are butt naked (hmm) on a cold black leather (erotic huh!) bed by a gloved (and another sexually related term) semi-obese doctor. damn. funny, though, that when he was doing the stethoscope check on my heart, he said, ".. kinakabahan ka.. sus, check up lang to" i just put on my ngiting aso. CHECK UP?!?! OK KA LANG, DOC? MATAPOS MONG HAWAKAN AT BULATLATIN ANG MGA KA-KUWANAN KO?!?!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

stop.

in other news, it was macky's birthday yesterday and i PLANNED on greeting him on the latest hour. so in the middle of the day, he texted me with: pakyu ka, mga pakulo mong babatiin mo ko mamayang gabi para ikaw kunyari ang last nagtext. lumang style na yan! alam ko na yan!
i laughed so hard because... because... period. so come the last hour i texted him this.

macky, today will inevitably be over. but as eternal as its changing, our friendship will definitely live on. happy birthday, macky!! god bless..

i woke up today receiving this: pakyu dahil sa pakulo mo tuluyan mo na kong di na-greet!
HAHAHAHHAHA.. sorry macky i was using chikka that's why you might have not received it. sorry macky to the nth level. but i posted it here, so voila!

in other, other news, i am now a happy customer. just look!

(click image to see larger)

PAKSHET DIBA?!?!?! I EVEN SURPASSED THE T1 SPEED!!!!!!!
i just downloaded the torrents for desperate houswives and gilmore girls - for 30 FUCKING MINUTES ONLY!!! damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my gas, happy customer ako ng globe por da pers taym!!! mamatay kayo sa inggit! mga 2 hours na siyang ganyan hahahahahahahaha!

ciao!

300

prepare for glory!

omg. no words can describe how riveting, fanstastic, stimulating, great, wonderful and every superlative word this movie is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pure stunning powerful imagery! damn. watch it!


this is the only violent movie that made me not wince but wide-eyed during the whole barbaric acts. an arm thrown, a leg slashed, and a head decapitated can be a wonderful and magical work of art. damn. damn. damn.

just please watch it!

wahoo!

the ac story

the ac story

and it's not even the school. my aircon has finally given up on existing almost three weeks ago. i don't even want to complain about it. i have no right since i am in no financial stability to replace it. yup, i can't sleep properly. the only thing that i'm thankful for is that he has given up on me when i don't have to get some sleep. for that and the memories, too, my very (very, very) worn and beloved aircon, thanks.

in case you wanna know, this aircon has been with us since my kinder years. i'm working now. IMAGINE THAT! i'll wager my whole bank account (or what's left of it) that they don't even manufacture or even sell that kind of aircon anymore. even 10 years ago. ha. ha. ha. fedders. gawd. but it's cool that he proved himself to be a tough one.

yun lang. bow.

ciao!

another suitcase in another hall

another suitcase in another hall

I don't expect my love affairs to last for long
Never fool myself that my dreams will come true
Being used to trouble I anticipate it
But all the same I hate it -- wouldn't you?

So what happens now?
Another suitcase in another hall
So what happens now?
Take your picture off another wall
Where am I going to?
You'll get by, you always have before
Where am I going to?

Time and time again I've said that I don't care
That I'm immune to gloom, that I'm hard through and through
But every time it matters all my words desert me
So anyone can hurt me -- and they do

So what happens now?
Another suitcase in another hall
So what happens now?
Take your picture off another wall
Where am I going to?
You'll get by you always have before
Where am I going to?

Call in three months time and I'll be fine I know
Well maybe not that fine, but I'll survive anyhow
I won't recall the names and places of this sad occasion
But that's no consolation -- here and now

So what happens now?
Another suitcase in another hall
So what happens now?
Take your picture off another wall
Where am I going to?
You'll get by, you always have before
Where am I going to?
Don't ask anymore

ash wed

ash wednesday

i went to mass just today. i haven't even planned it. i heard that it was ash wednesday today and i thought i should go. i guess someone above sent me pam to ask if i was going to hear mass. said i did. pam, along with two of our friends, came to meet me in greenbelt. but bongga and another friend had to leave. as per bongga , said in jest "ayoko magsimba, masusunog ako" so pam and i went ahead to meet sha.

you wouldn't believe the throngs of people inside and around the chapel. i was surprised because there were more people today than every sunday.
when the mass ended we were like sheeps gathered and scattered around the chapel. we could not find our exit. imagine going around the place almost twice just to leave. finally we did, after 15 minutes.
while walking i had a light bulb moment. in a crowd, every individual thinks that they are the lead characters in the story. yun lang.

we ate in avenetto for the nth time again and we met yuri there. we then decided to catch a movie in g4. the epic movie. for all of you planning to watch this, two words: DON'T BOTHER. it is a complete waste of money. cheap laughs. cheap lines. cheap movie. again do not watch. during the movie, all three of them dozed off in most parts of the scenes and i have to be watching because i would not waste my hundred bucks for just nothing. i just had to laugh at their sad and very obvious punchlines. damn.

but i have to say that it was fun being with them. pam, sha, and yuri. we even saw ruffa and mike. thanks guys!

++++++++

i'm getting tired of doing nothing. puhlease. nanglilimos po.


inxs: i don't even know why i'm writing all these. it's as if i have to write something. i know i don't have to. a and another thing, read frank mccourt. both angela's ashes and 'tis. interesting read.

ciao!

DUROG

durog
sabi ng friend ko

it's exactly 2:29 in the morning and i'm wide awake. i've been thinking about what's happenning. there's a lot. i don't like it.

i don't like the fact that i am still financially dependent when i'm fucking 23 years old. i used to be independent for 6 months and that was it. siguro ma-pride lang ako. dahil kung pera lang ang paguusapan, maraming pwedeng trabahong pagkakitaan. answer me this: am i too proud? let's just not say proud. am i still jaded?!
sometimes, during times like these, i often find myself thinking that i am just too jaded to see the reality that i can never be happy AND financially stable at the same time. what's worse, i'm not both. siguro i fail to see the signs. siguro nga, masakit man tanggapin, masyado akong proud. proud to admit that i am nothing in this great mechanic macrocosm. i am just a bacteria. an eenie weenie microscopic bacteria that wants to be something. and that something, i don't even know yet. maybe human.

this prolonged absence from the work force is really getting to my nerves. any mention of work from my friends really hits me big time. i just want to explode. although they would tell me that i'm getting used to this cycle of having and not having a job in jest, i almost always want to explode with things i really want to say. i'm greatly affected. it's as if i'm having the time of my life right now. as if i'm actually enjoying this bumness. this live-for-the-day drama. as if... as if.
lalagyan pa ng asin ang sugat habang sinasabing "buti ka pa may aasahan sa states." WHO THE HELL WOULD STILL WANT TO BE DEPENDENT? at my age, whatever the norm is, i want to be on my own. period.
tapos susundan pa ng isang period. hanggang maging isang ellipsis... pero hindi ko kaya. hindi ko kaya bilang tao.
"bakit hindi ka mag aral ulit"
although i know that my mother loves me to death, i cannot go to school again. i cannot put my mother in the same situation she thought she was done with. and i'm not interested for now either. the day i'll be going back to school will be the day i'm affording my own capriciousness.
tangina. all i can think about is i'm in a rut. in a big rut that i unpurposely dug for myself.
pakshet.

hanggang sa susunod. sumasakit na ulo ko ulit.


ps: i'm chatting with my friend, mimay, and i just concluded that number 1: i'm intellectually promiscuous. number 2: according to mimay, i'm virtually erogenous. sa susunod na ang storya.

fropiles

fropiles

just because i had nothing good to do, i checked out profiles over at friendster. i just clicked away until i found these profiles. interesting *evil laugh* i'm willing to be mean now, so deal with it.

I love to eat kaya nga healthy looking ako & happy ,hehehe...Love is really what makes the world go around.My family and friends nortured me, taught me and contributed to the person I am now.

ahh oo nga, healthy looking. nortured na nortured.

uhm..hw cn I dscribe my self??hirap nmn oh.. :p well..simple gurl lng nmn poh ako...mba8, mejo m hiyaen, ala s kaimek,pero cgurado n pg nag salita my ta2maan (syempre yung tao n kinaiinisan koh)...mejo mdali m pikon and napaka sensitive,..ayaw koh poh s mga tao n mt2as ang pride, super kulet, m aarte, filing npaka importante...and xmpre s mga plastic n tao...

add mo to: ayoko rin ng spelling ko. period. no erase.

im weird,stupid,asshole guy,
chillout wit my dumbass friends drunk together nd fall together hahaha (always toxicated)...
\m/_\m/ pissdrunk

buti nalang toxicated. sana mataas ang toxicity level niyan para... para... dead. (x;x)


>>>>>>Sbe Nga NiLa...don't JudGe d BoOk By it's CoVer...supLada...maLDita...wArfreaK...MaaRte...MhiRap Abutin...SosYaLera...etO yunG mGa KdlasaNg NririniG koNg CommEnts Nila Skin..and whiCh is..noT reaLLy ReaLLy TrUe...Im JaZ a SiMpLe GuRL wiTh An ElegAnt LifestyLe, un Lng...DyOsa Ang
TinGin Pra Sa SriLi...and Im ProuD to Say ThaT...Im Just BeinG Me...As In..Me, MyseLF and I...KuLet Noh?

in fairness ang kulit nga. sosyal ka! sosyaaaaaalll!!!!!


+16 yrs oLd turninG 17 dis mAy..(gift ha..juK)
+standz 5"3 1/2..
+gaL wit long heir and morena type..
+Luv 2 sing ..luv my guitar (na wasak na..kakabalibag=))
+musiclover...yeah yeah..!!
+mhilig sa gimiksz peu strict ang parents ku ha..(takas mowd.)
+adeek sa dubi..(charinng..)
+adeek sa peecee(including games and friendster)...xa text..sa chat..sa music.sau este sau..inde un kasama..=))
+adeek sa picture picture..
+luv c fafa jesus(qea i choose nmn ung mga music n nipa2kinggan cu... luv ang familia my 2madorsz and my other friendsz..(^^)
+fave. ang stik o..talap..
+fave ang color pink and black.^^
+i luv the way iam..^^
+dont have to change my self to please evrybody..
+i hate plastixxx...bakfyterz..
+i hate math..dem!?
+i hate guys n ef n ef lage.:-"
+well f ur interested.. add me..
+********@yahoo.com
yM: ********
+digitsz: ********* hulaa nio n lang^^
+landlyn:4444*** yan din=))
`ennxxx.. guyszz...

ang profile na ito ay isang malaking... JUK.

.....ako si ****
....bumbay kung tawagin
....kilalang crush ng bayan
.....kilabot ng caloocan
......asset ng barkada
......tahimik sa kalokohan
.....gabagyo ang lakas ng sex appeal
....pero...humble po ako...

oonga eh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOH?!?!

simple..pero rOcK! hehe (",) mataray dn dw, sbi ng nkara2mi. but seriously, I am the type of person who loves my family so much and would do anything for them...they are my most important possession..

kawawang pamilya. naturingang kasangkapan. hi. hi. hi.


o sige, ako'y papanaw na muna.

ciao!